Excuse my absence, but it's Spring.

As I typed this, it occurred to me what an odd word Spring is. Think about it. Spring. That's the best we could come up with?

Welp, two weeks ago I wrote about writing more.

And then life happened.

And by life I mean seasonal allergies.

They happened so much so, in fact, that I wound up with both a sinus AND ear infection. Because apparently adults can still get those.

I swear- since becoming a mother, I have gotten sick more often than I ever did before.

And you know what? It is hella hard being sick as a single mom. If I didn’t have rock star friends who were willing to hang with Little Man while I lay miserably around, I don’t know what I’d do. There are a lot of great people who care about us, and they have come through for me over and over and over again. So shout out to them! Because they are the best. Truly.

You know who you are.

My illness reached its peak last weekend, so I decided to tough it out and fly solo during the evenings this week. And, ultimately, I made it work. But man… it was tough. One day in particular I got bad vertigo, which I’ve discovered can be a side effect of ear infections. I also learned it's not as funny as Liza Minnelli makes it seem on Arrested Development. (Learning is so fun- yay!)

Suffice it to say, poor J-Bear had to do a lot of independent play this week. And he maybe had to do a few early bedtimes. Thank goodness he’s (usually) pretty easy going!

So, long story short, I didn’t get a lot of writing done this week. And by that I mostly mean I got none done. I didn’t write at all. I was too busy running through boxes of tissues like a boss.

But I’m starting to get a bit better, so I’m hoping to get back in the groove of things this week.

I still have a few things I want to write about, and I got some really great ideas from you guys! Thanks for that!

And then of course there’s a pretty big life event possibly, hopefully, happening in 20 days. Nbd.

So forgive the absence. All is well. I’ve just been pretty under the weather. If I had to write it as an analogy, I’d say

 the depths of the ocean : the sun :: Kaley : the weather

And I’m allowed to be that dramatic about it because I’m the one who’s been sick. (That's how it works, right?

Thanks for sticking with my in spite of my inconsistent writing! Hopefully I’ll have some more exciting things to share soon!

In the meantime... All of you parents out there- how do you make it work when you're sick?? Do you have any tricks that work for you? I could use them for the next bug I catch.

Court Date?

Normally I would segue into this post with a witty joke or a really hilarious gif. But that doesn't seem to fit this time.

Sitting down to write this, I honestly paused, closed my eyes, and asked myself "what am I feeling, what am I feeling, what am I feeling?" I want to be able to communicate exactly what it is, but I have no clue how to describe it.

When I was in graduate school, a professor once told me I needed to expand my "feelings vocabulary." Only in a social work program would a professor say that to you, but she definitely was right. And it still feels true now, because I cannot think of words that do this feeling justice. Maybe that's because it's not as much a feeling as a series of them all rolled up into one moment.

It's a strange combination of excitement and fear and exhaustion and hope, and it just sort of feels like heaviness. Not a sad heaviness, but a heaviness that forces me to recognize the weight of what this update could mean- for me, for Little Man, for his biological mom, and for the people who care about us.

In case you didn't see the picture or title of this post above, we have a court date set. But technically it is set with a question mark right now.

May 19th (?)

We are scheduled for an afternoon hearing, which means there's a chance we could get bumped if the morning session runs long. If that happens, we'll probably have to wait until late June for a new spot, because the court schedule is pretty full at the moment.

So... that's where we are. With a court date sitting uncertainly on the horizon.

In some ways, it's a relief to have something on the calendar. I mean- it's progress. Even if we do get postponed, it's close. But it's been a long process with a decent number of roadblocks, so it's hard to feel confident and settled right now.

Oh, and there's also the fact that I don't really know what the outcome will be. That's still pretty scary.

But, regardless, I feel hopeful.

I could be an official, no-strings-attached, doesn't-need-approved-babysitters-or-medicine-logs mom in a little over a month.

Or fairly soon afterward.

It's getting real.

We'll take all the prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes we can get in the weeks ahead, so feel free to send those our way! And, of course, I'll update when I have more information. Which I guess will be on May 19th.

I mean, I'll share other updates here in the meantime, but they'll probably be about an assortment of other things. Things that will distract me from the waiting.

So stay tuned, if you feel so inclined. And know I truly am so grateful you've chosen to be a part of our story!

A Quick Confession

I just discovered this app called "Retype" and it makes me feel very artsy.

Can I admit something? I struggle to keep up with this blog. And it’s not because I don’t want to write- it’s usually just that I’m exhausted, which makes it hard for my brain to fully comprehend the concept of investing in my own self-care.

I love to write. It’s so therapeutic for me. It helps me understand what I'm thinking and feeling, which is no small task some days.

But it’s also hard. Hard in the sense that it often requires a lot of mental and emotional energy.

Whereas watching an episode of 30 Rock for the 500^th time? That just requires a comfy couch and the ability to push a few buttons on the remote. It’s a lot easier. And a lot more immediate. (Which why I have approximately 50% of that series memorized. Second confession.)

But- as much as I love Tina Fey- watching Liz Lemon deal with the kooky antics of Tracy and Jenna doesn’t have quite the same long-term benefits of taking the time for- and doing the work of- writing.

I still love you, Tina. If you ever read this- call me. We should hang.

Sometimes, in a moment of exhaustion (and/or laziness- let’s be real), I make the choice to put on my favorite glittery sweatpants (they are real and just as glamorous as they sound), flop onto my couch, and turn on the TV.

But I’m working on changing that habit. Because there a lot of other things I’d rather be doing.

I have crafts to do. Music to learn. Books to read. Books to color. (Anyone else into adult coloring books? Don't worry- they're not as scandalous as they sound.) 

And, of course, things to write.

Those activities might require more energy than a Netflix marathon, but- usually- they give me more energy in return. 

So I’m going to work on this. Feel free to hold me to it. Because, for realz- I need to do the work of self-care. (Sprinkled with the occasional TV binge, because I’m human, after all, and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Mindy Project will both be returning in a few days.)

So, as I make this commitment to write more, I'd love your feedback on what kinds of things you'd like to read about. I have a few ideas for some upcoming posts, but I'd love to hear what you want to know- about me, foster parenting, life in Waco, etc.

Let me know in the comments below. Or shoot me an email. Or send me an owl.

Whatever. 
I’d love to get your thoughts and inspiration!

In the meantime, stay tuned for some (hopefully) exciting things coming your way soon!