Well... we're one week out.
Hopefully. Maybe. We'll see.
A lot of people have asked me how I'm feeling with our court date being so close, but honestly- I haven't been thinking about it that much. Thinking about the adoption generally? The relief I'll feel when I'm J-Bear's official mom? The excitement of getting to share good news with friends and family? Yes. Constantly.
But the court date itself? Not so much.
Really, I've been trying not to think too much about it- because I don't want to worry too much about it. Or set myself up for too much disappointment.
Even now- seven days out- things are still so uncertain.
There's a chance that- by the end of the day next Thursday- the government will recognize me as my son's mom.
There's also a chance our hearing won't happen at all.
Or it will happen, but the judge will request additional time to make her decision.
Or she will want us to gather more information.
Or probably some other scenario I haven't thought of.
There's no telling. But I'm definitely hoping for the 1st option.
Honestly, though, right now I feel pretty content in this waiting stage. While I certainly don't want to be in it forever, I have a sense that what I'm hoping will happen will in fact happen- it's just a matter of when. Obviously, I don't know that for sure. But I am hopeful and optimistic.
In the meantime, I've been trying to focus just on what I can control in the present. I don't want to worry so much about the "what's next" that I miss what's right in front of me. So I'm taking it day by day, trying not to dwell too much on next Thursday specifically, and feeling a somewhat surprising amount of peace.
Now, if you check in with me on Wednesday, I might be a little more like Leslie Knope.
But right now- today- I am holding up well. And choosing to practice gratitude- for my time with J-Bear, our story together, the exciting things that are yet to come, and for all the people (like you) who care about our journey.
Thanks for venturing with us. Hopefully I'll have some more news soon.