An Overdue Update

I know- my photo editing skills are amazing.

Hey, team!

I apologize for the delayed update; things have been a tad busy lately.

Here's what been going on in the past few weeks:

• At the urging of co-workers, I went the doctor and got my leg checked. I was diagnosed with some type of stress fracture and sentenced to time on crutches.

No one was more stunned by this news than Mel.

Unfortunately for my still-bruised leg, my time on crutches lasted about a day, because soon afterward I…

•  Was on a plane heading to New Orleans with my brother! It was a really fun trip. I got some good sibling time, ate a LOT of food, and listened to some great music. Plus, I tried beignets for the first time! They were delicious, but if I’m being honest- I think they might be a little over-hyped.  

I still enjoyed them enough to get powdered sugar all of the hotel room floor- like a true lady.

My favorite part of the trip was listening to the Preservation Jazz Hall band at Preservation Hall.

If you get a chance to visit this place, do it. 

They were incredible- such a talented group. And the drummer fell in love with me at a bar the next night. (True story- my brother can confirm.) If we lived in the same town and he wasn’t at least 40 years my senior, I definitely would have scored his digits.

Here's my favorite photo from the trip:

I think it's obvious why it's my favorite.

•  A few days after I got back from NOLA, my mom came to visit! This was wonderful because a) she’s really fun, and b) she helped me organize and get the house ready. I am so, so thankful for her. Seriously- I’m not sure I’d be able to get through this process without her encouragement and support. We got a LOT of stuff done while she was here, which decreased my stress levels significantly.  We built a shed for the boxes of toys (remember that last post?) and then moved said boxes into said shed, checked smoke detectors, organized the living room, put up a gate in the backyard to block an entrance to a sketchy shed that belongs to my landlord, etc, etc. Then she did some MAGIC while I was at work on Monday and Tuesday.          

We're talking a Gob Bluth-level feat, here.

She (among a million other things) single-handedly set up and organized my old room. I mean, look at these pictures:

 BEFORE:

It's horribly lit and should have been in panoramic so you could get a full view of the disaster- but it was rough. Piles of stuff outside the frame- trust me.

AFTER:

Hindsight 20/20, guys. But look at this! Plus- she BUILT that bookshelf!

 And that was just on Monday! She knocked a bunch of stuff out for me on Tuesday, too. So please know- when I say I’m not sure I could make it through this process without her, I really, really mean it. I’d be drowning in children’s toys if it weren’t for her. I cannot say enough how grateful I am for her help, so if you see her around town, give her a hug and buy her a margarita, because she deserves it for being such a generous mom and person.

Since she left I’ve been trying to wrap up the items on my foster-parent-licensing to-do list. The main challenges this week: dealing with inspections.

Guys- this has been the WORST.

I was naïve enough to believe scheduling these would just involve a phone call in which I'd say, “Hey, can you guys come look at my house?” and they would respond with, "Of course! We'd be delighted."

Apparently that is not how it works.

I was similarly disappointed.

When I called and asked to schedule an inspection, I was told I needed to fill out an application and bring it in to the office first.

I got that news from both the Health Inspector and Fire Marshall’s offices.

So the next day, on my lunch break during CPR/First Aid training, I trekked around town to drop off applications.

I had to go to two different municipal buildings (why can’t we just group them together into one? They have almost exactly the same name!), wrote TWO separate checks to the City of Waco, and then was given approval to schedule my inspections.

Which I had to do by calling the office.

As in… the office(s) I was standing in.

When I called the Health Inspector’s office- literally within an hour of leaving- I was told the inspector would be out of town for two weeks. While I feel it would have been helpful to hear about that while I was actually standing in the office, I persevered and- after a few phone calls- was thankfully able to find another gentleman willing to do it.

Check.

I was told to wait 24 hours to call the fire marshal, so I did that during my lunch break at work on Friday. During this phone call, I was informed by a very nice man who was trying to be helpful that I needed to:

1) get the house’s gas appliances inspected by a certified plumber and 

2) get my over-five-pound- fire extinguisher inspected by a fire-extinguisher-inspector. (Something I didn’t know existed until that moment.)

Now, at this point, I’m starting to panic. These inspections are 2 of 5 things standing between me and a completed checklist, so I was hoping to get them taken care of by the end of this week. And since it was Friday afternoon before a three-day weekend, I felt like my window of opportunity to get these completed on time was quickly closing. (The other three things are taking pictures of the house, updating a pet’s shot records, and signing a final form- much smaller tasks.)

With the time I had left of my lunch break (who wants to eat anyway, right?), I found a plumber that could come out that afternoon after work. I also called the fire-extinguisher-inspector company and discovered they would close for the holiday weekend at 5PM on the dot.

Except for not at all. 

After a hectic afternoon at work, I was able to rush home at 3:30.

I arrived a few moments after the plumber (sorry, bro), who moved my oven/stove forward and lit a match by my water heater before declaring the appliances acceptable- a service that costs $100, by the way, in case you are considering a new career path.

When he left, I grabbed my fire extinguisher so I could rush to the inspection office only to discover-

it wasn’t over 5 lbs.

Apparently fire extinguisher makers don’t want to waste ink printing the weight on the box, so you can only know for SURE what it weighs by opening it. Fun.

I sprinted out the door, ran to Lowe’s, found an extinguisher I thought might be over five pounds based on its size relative to the first one, and then drove to a sketchy warehouse to have it inspected.

It was give the okay just before 5PM.

Suffice it to say, it was a hectic day. Really, it was a hectic 48 hours. But now both inspections are scheduled- for tomorrow and Thursday.

And hopefully I'll pass them.

With flying colors.

Because I’m not sure I can go through that again.

With those on the calendar, this weekend has been dedicated to going through inspection checklists and making sure everything is in order. I’ve baby-proofed my stove and the cabinets containing cleaning supplies, organized closets, mowed the lawn, hung up the officially inspected and approved fire extinguisher, found locations for the medicine lock-boxes, put up pictures and artwork to make the place look homey, and cleaned like there’s no tomorrow. There’s still a bit more cleaning to do, but I’m determined to have everything ready to go by the end of the night.

Please, Lord.

In all the stress of the past week, though, I can’t help but think about what this long checklist is leading up to.

And then I can’t help but feel really excited.

And then a little terrified.

And then back to excited again.

I am rapidly approaching the end of this stage of the journey, which means my life could look drastically different in the very near future.

To be honest, I still haven’t wrapped my mind fully around that fact.

It’s odd knowing my life is about to shift in such a profound way, but at the same time have no idea what that will look like. I can’t predict when kids might arrive, how many of them there will be, how old they are, or what they’ll like to do. And, since I don’t have kids of my own, I can’t really draw from experience to make a rough estimation of what having a child in my home will look like on a day-to-day basis.

It’s times like this that I realize how crazy it is that I’m doing this.

But, crazy or not, I feel so much joy and peace in this decision. Even in the midst of the stress and fear.

As Liz Lemon would say...

Things are happening...

Foster Parent Nesting

Nesting.

The urge to create a warm, safe and (in humans, particularly) aesthetically pleasing space in which to welcome a child.

Typically, this occurs later in pregnancy, spurred on by an influx of hormones. (Thanks, Wikipedia!) Expecting parents will clean, organize and decorate their homes and nurseries in anticipation of the life that’s about to arrive.

But even without a surge of hormones, I have found myself overwhelmed by a desire to “nest” lately. I want to make my house as welcoming and lovely as possible for any future foster children.

However, I have discovered a key difference between a biological parent and myself:

I know absolutely nothing about the kid(s) who might live in my home.

Biological parents can go HAM picking out colors, clothes, and toys. If they prefer to keep the gender a surprise, they can choose some really trendy neutral items.

According to Google, this is a "gender neutral toy."
Yikes.

Regardless, they’ll know to get a crib, diapers, some onesies, and whatever else babies need these days.

But what do you do if you’re completely in the dark about not just the gender, but the age and even number of your future child(ren) as well?

What do you do if you know nothing about the child (or children??) you’re preparing for?

Even Oprah is unsure.

This is the dilemma I’m facing.

Sure, I can create a gender-neutral space like many parents do, but what furniture should I supply? A crib, or a bed? Do I need a highchair, booster seat, or neither? What kind of toys should I have available? Should I stock the bookshelf with picture books, squishy books that can be chewed and drooled on, or pop-up books? (That’s for you, Ben.) Will the child(ren) in my home even like books??

Although I want to create a space like this...

Thank, Pinterest, for continually inspiring to set unattainable interior design goals!

...the uncertainty of just about everything makes the task a little overwhelming.

Still, every once in a while, I am hit with waves of sheer determination.

That’s what happened last Sunday morning.

I woke up early, had a few hours before I wanted to head to church, and was feeling super ambitious as I thought about setting up my home, so I decided to start moving into my new room. (Logistically, with the set-up of the house, my old room and the guest room are the best fit for kids’ rooms. Plus my new room has a bigger closet, so there’s that.)

After drinking a cup of coffee and singing some Chaka Khan at the top of my lungs, I disassembled my bed, moved each piece to its new location, and started putting it back together. After reassembling the bedframe, I began moving the box spring mattress into place (by myself, in case you forgot)- confident my efforts would fill Geri Halliwell herself with pride.

That’s when- in some fluid motion I still don’t entirely understand- I tripped and fell backward. Caught on the previously mentioned reassembled bedframe, I was unable to fall out of the way as the very large and heavy box spring came crashing onto me.

Or my leg.

Although I cannot find one to do the moment justice, I am certain if someone caught my fall on tape it would become a gif sensation. It had to look ridiculous.

After lying on the floor for a bit- saying some words I would never use in front of future foster children- I gathered my pride, walked off my injury, and kept trucking through my to-do list.

Then, halfway through folding a load of laundry, I noticed I had an extra kneecap sticking out of my shin.

And that it was very painful.

And pretty disgusting.

In case you missed it last week.

Suffice it to say, I was confined to the couch for the majority of the day. (Except for when I took a break to hang curtains, because- seriously- who can sit on a couch all day?)

Since then, I managed to injure my other shin and receive multiple bruises by tripping over- or running into- miscellaneous pieces of furniture.

Obviously I am the picture of effortless grace.

This lady has nothing on me.

In spite of my injuries, I was finally able to finish organizing (mostly) on Thursday. My living room looked lovely, I used some magazine basket things (technical term) to organize my closet, my dishes were finally where they belonged- things were looking up!

Then I traveled home for the weekend, loaded a U-Haul with tons of toys, blankets, baby clothes and a few pieces of furniture (which were very generously donated by my mom- thanks, mom!), and drove back north. (Special shout out to my mom, grandparents, and friends- who were incredibly kind and helped me load and unload the truck in less-than-ideal Texas heat, and my friend who was unbelievably generous and drove me 3.5 hours south so I could make a one-way trip with the truck!)

This is the 14' truck I drove like a champ. Obviously while singing Chaka Khan again.
Also, I don't have many picture of myself, so that one will be on repeat for while.

Since unloading that truck, my once mostly-organized house looks like the aftermath of a tornado running through the North Pole.

These photos don’t quite do it justice, but here’s a glimpse:

Just days ago I could sit on that couch...

There’s a lot of stuff, guys. We’re talking about six kids’ worth of childhood toys/blankets/etc.

And the thought of sorting through it all and finding space for it has made me a feel a little bit anxious.

And by a little bit anxious, I mean I’ve had a few tearful breakdowns.

But bit by bit, my gimp leg and I are going through boxes of baby/toddler things from  the 1984-1998 years, trying to decide what might be useful for the unknown child(ren) who could be living in my house in one moth.

My goal is to have everything accessible in clearly labeled containers so they can be pulled out in a pinch if and when they’re needed.

I will always aspire to the perfection of Pinterest.

And, honestly, I feel very fortunate to be overwhelmed by everything I have available for future foster kids. I mean, there certainly are worse scenarios I could be facing.

I’m feeling more calm about it as I keep plugging away with the organizing, and in spite of its current disaster status, I’m confident my house will once again be an organized (and hopefully somewhat attractive) home- ready for any child welcomed into it, whenever that may happen.

In the meantime, I still have a lot to learn about how to prepare this place.

This is what my Amazon cart has looked like for a week:

Which of these things do I actually need??

If you’ve ever welcomed a child or children into your home (biological, adoptive, foster, babysitting- whatever), how did you prepare? What items were necessary (or extremely helpful) for you? What did you think would be necessary, but turned out to be pretty pointless?

Help me, people. I could use all the advice I can get.

Foster Parenting FAQs

Well, team- I'm pushing forward (at a pretty rapid pace) in the licensing process.

Here are some things I’ve checked off my licensure to-do list:

• A handful of online trainings focused on medical consent, medications, and trauma-informed care (which made for a thrilling Friday night, by the way)

• Two online courses on car seat safety. (Are all parents required to take this? Because they should be. It's so intimidating! Dear everyone who transports children- if you don't take a class about car seat safety, at least read the car seat’s manual.)

• Trainings on policies and procedures

• More paperwork!

My former roommate also moved out over the weekend, which makes everything intensely real. Sitting alone in my living room over the past few days, I have- on multiple occasions- been suddenly struck by the life-changing nature of my decision.

In a few weeks, I could have kids in my house.

And I’m going to be responsible for them.

Note to self- clean up language before children arrive.

A lot could change in just a few short weeks.

One thing I suspect will not change is people's curiosity. I still get a lot of great questions, and, as I mentioned last time, I want to take time to answer a few of them here. Some are more focused on the general process, and others are more specific to my experience.

Here are the questions that made the cut for this post:

1. How old will the child be?/Will it be a boy or a girl?

I don't understand these things. They just seems like an invitation for public disappointment.

            My answer to this one is simple- I have no idea. And I won’t until I get a call saying, “Hey, we have a child in need of a placement. It is a fill in a gender here who is fill in a number here years old. Are you willing to take him/her in?”

         That might be a slightly abbreviated version of the phone call, but it really will be that basic. And, depending on the type of placement, it could happen a few hours before a child arrives at my home.  

         In the agency I work with, there are two main types of placements- mandated and voluntary. Mandated placements happen when CPS requires a child to be removed from a home. The nature of this situation means there’s not typically a lot of advanced planning- a child is taken into DFPS custody, and they have to find a placement immediately. Voluntary placements occur when a guardian chooses to sign a child into foster care temporarily- while they try to find housing, search for a job, or do whatever they feel is necessary to provide a more supportive environment for their child. Sometimes this allows for a bit of advanced notice, but it’s never a guarantee.

         So basically, if you ask me that question the day a child is placed in my home, I might have an answer for you.

2. Are you requesting a specific age/gender?

         While I won’t know specifics in advance, I can request a general age range. I could even say my house will/will not be open to a specific gender, race, religion, etc. That might sound harsh, but if a foster parent is a strict atheist, s/he may not feel comfortable providing spiritual support for a child who comes from a strict Southern Baptist family. And vice versa. These children are going through a significant- and traumatic- change, so the hope is they'll be able to experience some level of stability and consistency in the midst of it. If a foster parent is uncomfortable providing a specific cultural or spiritual or whatever environment, it might not be the best fit for the child.

(I'm reminded of this movie clip- event though it's a completely different context:)

(I had to get my Tina Fey reference in somewhere...)

         So, basically, in the process of becoming a foster parent, you determine what environment and experiences you’re comfortable providing, and they use that to create a profile for you that is stored in a database of available foster homes. So “Foster Home A” may be willing to take up to 3 children under the age of 13 of any ethnicity but only a Methodist background. Then, when DFPS has a 3-year old boy who comes from a Wiccan family (I'm just using this example because of the video clip), they will know “Foster Home A” might not be the best placement for him. Essentially, it helps DFPS match the needs of the kids with the homes able to provide them.

         That being said, the only specifics I requested were focused on age. I question my ability to effectively parent a child who could break into a wine cabinet or steal my car, so I’ve requested ages 6 and under- with a little bit of flexibility.  (Note the use of the word could. I don’t think this would actually happen; it’s just a fear I have of raising teenagers. I will probably be terrified when I have teenagers of my own one day. It’s a scary age range- they have a lot going on.)

Yeah, me either.

3. How many kids will you have?

         As you may have gathered in the previous response, this is another thing a foster parent has to consider in the licensing process. You get to decide what your range is- usually it’s “up to ___” kids.

         There is a maximum capacity, which is dependent on the number of caregivers, how much space is available, how many other people are in the home, and the type of licensing the home receives.

         I stated I would prefer one child, but I am flexible if a sibling group needs a placement- with three being my maximum.

4. When will you get a placement?

         See the answer to 1. Technically, I have no clue. I hope to be licensed by September, so it could be any time after that! I’ll keep you posted.

5. Will you quit your job?

         Because I still have to make money- and because I enjoy what I do- my potential foster children will go to day care or school during the day, and I will continue working.

This will pretty much be me.

         I think there’s an idea floating around that people make money foster parenting; I’m sure there’s been a horror story about it on 20/20 or 60 Minutes.  But let me clarify- that is not true.

         Foster parents do get a small stipend to help cover things like food, clothes and day care for the child, but it’s far from a personal income. When it’s used correctly, there shouldn’t really be anything left over. Because day care is expensive, guys. 

        

6. How long will the child live with you?

         This is another one where the real answer is “I don’t know.” It depends on a lot of different factors. The goal of foster care is to provide a temporary home until a permanent option is available- whether that means family reunification, kinship care, or an adoptive placement. The hope is this would take less than a year, but a family could need more time to regain custody, or an adoptive placement might not be available right away. There’s no way to guarantee a time frame. It could be 2 months, or it could be 2 years. This is one of the reasons it’s important for someone to feel confident and committed before becoming a foster parent.

         However, there are shorter-term options available for people who want to do this, but don’t feel ready to take on anything long-term. Respite care providers are essentially temporary foster homes. They’re licensed, but they provide care to children who are in foster homes for anywhere between 2 and 14 days. (If a foster parent needs a break, has to go on a business trip, etc.)

These are a few of the questions I’ve received, but if you have more, please feel free to leave a comment or send me a message!

Next week, I’ll be talking about the difficulty- and the danger- of “nesting.”

Here’s a sneak peek of what’s to come:

That is real, folks. 

And I'll tell you all about it soon!

(Side note- if you want to continue following my foster parenting journey, I think there's a way to sign up to be notified when a new post happens. I'm not super tech savvy, but I think it exists somewhere to the right of this. Maybe?)