tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27410180688705741992024-03-14T13:48:58.135-05:00Adventures of the Ordinary LifeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-2333608124034517762018-02-12T21:39:00.004-06:002018-02-12T22:32:09.421-06:00Letter to Ellen (4.0)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisIOKwWe76jLFk8ugetj9TSYT3YjKD0g79FoQPABKb7mBiPktO-3eMeKk6wVzEibdGQF2GWOwtPMywRGCJ8HYajSGYXiYYRhBWF5KOZWA9Dz9pSqg67cBCdao9OuGA1p2cI_juhbczr1mc/s1600/MY+LETTER+TO+ELLEN+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisIOKwWe76jLFk8ugetj9TSYT3YjKD0g79FoQPABKb7mBiPktO-3eMeKk6wVzEibdGQF2GWOwtPMywRGCJ8HYajSGYXiYYRhBWF5KOZWA9Dz9pSqg67cBCdao9OuGA1p2cI_juhbczr1mc/s640/MY+LETTER+TO+ELLEN+%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my two BFFs. It's a weird angle for me, but they look great, obviously.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Well, the past year has been preeeeetty slow for the old blog here. But you didn't think I'd miss the opportunity for my annual letter to Ellen, did you?? I'm three years into this tradition, and I wouldn't dream of missing year four.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgavW9m-HaXLr7wFelT6ITCXbNsZ_SuTpsXo3Y93y-dKCNynDuepmHd3Q0ZvOOH2xhhaVRxA20sXaqgj8E3c_hki86inZJBQOK_FTMkCBC1d-2YUOm7kDmwtNcD_TlnDvKMcvyt3BBfKjb5/s1600/No.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="239" data-original-width="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgavW9m-HaXLr7wFelT6ITCXbNsZ_SuTpsXo3Y93y-dKCNynDuepmHd3Q0ZvOOH2xhhaVRxA20sXaqgj8E3c_hki86inZJBQOK_FTMkCBC1d-2YUOm7kDmwtNcD_TlnDvKMcvyt3BBfKjb5/s1600/No.gif" /></a></div>
<br />
If you're new here, let me give you a little background.<br />
<br />
Every year I write a letter to Ellen with the same request: I want her to make her annual Mother's Day show a Foster Mother's Day show. (<a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2015/02/my-letter-to-ellen.html" target="_blank">Year one)</a> (<a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2016/03/my-letter-to-ellen-20-petition-for.html" target="_blank">Year two</a>) (<a href="https://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2017/01/my-letter-to-ellen-30.html" target="_blank">Year three</a>)<br />
<br />
There are two main reasons I believe so strongly in this idea.<br />
<br />
1. Foster moms are amazing. Obviously I have some bias, but I'm pretty sure it's a widely-accepted, unarguable fact. Foster care is coming more into light these days thanks to some show on NBC...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE2ojxeovFUgFCp8CB5cgt5HG4oRdyQN6ONzA09mWNusJ1XE3tbNKo4TIOj8LhRGlwTD-C4JSexAuDDkiJTTyB899wLt-FyjAr4PXALQdBLiefgvViZN6MF0eCHKDqJ0eu3C4aTRZdFj7U/s1600/ThisIsUs.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="281" data-original-width="500" height="358" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE2ojxeovFUgFCp8CB5cgt5HG4oRdyQN6ONzA09mWNusJ1XE3tbNKo4TIOj8LhRGlwTD-C4JSexAuDDkiJTTyB899wLt-FyjAr4PXALQdBLiefgvViZN6MF0eCHKDqJ0eu3C4aTRZdFj7U/s640/ThisIsUs.gif" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You know I do, Randall. You know I do.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
...but I think it'd be amazing to celebrate the actual moms who sign up for this gig- because it is tough. (Wonderful, but really tough.)<br />
<br />
2. A Foster Mother's Day episode could inform people about the issue of foster care- and the ways they can help! Again, I'm pretty sure saying that would be great is an unarguable fact.<br />
<br />
So here's my letter for 2018.<br />
<br />
If you read it and agree (or don't read it but still agree with the concept), I'd really appreciate it if you'd consider sharing this thing. I don't know if it will ever reach Ellen, but it seems like the best shot at her seeing it is spreading it widely. So post it on her Facebook page, tweet the link to her, submit it as a show suggestion every day for the next 3 months (you can do that <a href="http://send.ellentv.com/be-on-the-show/2dddfb59-a824-4bae-bc7b-0ff88e43c3e4/" target="_blank">here</a> if you're interested)- use any platform you see fit!<br />
<br />
I know it's a long shot, but I genuinely believe in this idea. So <b>thank you</b> for taking the time to read (or at least skim through) this. And thank you for sharing it if you decide to do so!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVX6LQvUjFibiYQFw2oPP3JWOaqPiuLOb_yJtB38p1satoYEt6ZUOF_T8SxqoaTnwpP30qYnkww0BdSOR0nHHnZESUEC47An13TPrDJKYM_buln1BR2tGF6QUmk8m4PE5vNVxUwwS272-7/s1600/Thank+you.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="222" data-original-width="400" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVX6LQvUjFibiYQFw2oPP3JWOaqPiuLOb_yJtB38p1satoYEt6ZUOF_T8SxqoaTnwpP30qYnkww0BdSOR0nHHnZESUEC47An13TPrDJKYM_buln1BR2tGF6QUmk8m4PE5vNVxUwwS272-7/s640/Thank+you.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
__________________________________________________________________</div>
<br />
<br />
Dear Ellen,<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
My name is Kaley, and I'm a 30 year old woman living in the heart of Texas. For the most part, I'm a pretty average 30 year old. I like spending time with friends and family, I enjoy a strong cup of coffee in the morning and good glass of wine in the evening, I spend what should probably be
an embarrassing amount of time watching Netflix... by almost all counts, I'm
pretty basic.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvXhQHAJUQToj3xovJMow5QIPIsJhtXRcp2AqPqBSrVbOInmECwkEjZ4B47LHBrXbdv-P6aFrQM9g5jOmN8Yv6JTJVOH4lxJ_r3zeNNbs1GskcR0-1okudfEIJCAIxGCTcuNrlO8RZeOWl/s1600/Kimmy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="426" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvXhQHAJUQToj3xovJMow5QIPIsJhtXRcp2AqPqBSrVbOInmECwkEjZ4B47LHBrXbdv-P6aFrQM9g5jOmN8Yv6JTJVOH4lxJ_r3zeNNbs1GskcR0-1okudfEIJCAIxGCTcuNrlO8RZeOWl/s640/Kimmy.gif" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm definitely not as interesting as Kimmy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I there's one thing that makes me a it different than many people in my age/life stage group, it's that I'm also a foster mom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I signed up to be a foster parent about three and a half years ago, when a student I worked with was at risk of being removed by
CPS. Worried about him, I asked the investigator if he'd be able to stay at his
school if he wound up being removed from his home. Her immediate response was: "Well, there are no open
foster homes in the area, so... no, he'd probably need to move."<br />
<br />
Naturally, I went straight back to my office and
started researching foster care agencies. About six months later, I was licensed and waiting
on a phone call! It came one day while I was finishing up a few things in the office.
I still remember how my heart raced when I saw the number! It was the agency worker,
who told me there was a baby about to be born who was in need of a home. I was told it would be short term placement- his biological mom chose to place him in care until she could gain more stability, so three or four months at the most. I
immediately said yes, hoping all the other pieces would come together. Thankfully, they did, and two days later I got a text- "It's a healthy baby
boy!"<br />
<br />
Fast forward two more days, when I made the trip with the
caseworker to meet this little boy. I can vividly recall standing around awkwardly and anxiously while the caseworker filled out paperwork, looking at all of the
babies in the room to see if I could figure out which one was <b><i>the</i></b> one. Eventually, a nurse motioned for me to follow her and led me to one of those clear cribs on wheels they
use for newborns. (Do those things have a name?) I peered inside and finally met the tiny baby who, despite all his smallness, changed my entire life in that moment.<br />
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<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
To this day I am amazed they let me walk out of the hospital with him. I mean, I had just a few days to prepare and basically no clue what I was doing. I'm not sure whether or not they realized that, but either way they handed me a flimsy booklet called "Your Newborn- an Instruction Manual," double checked to make sure I had a carseat, and sent us on our way.<br />
<br />
Somehow, we made things work. Every day I learned more about being a mom, which he made pretty easy for me, and we got through the sleepless nights one by one. I didn't expect it at the time, but a year and a half after we met, that adorable little boy became my forever son. These days, he's a fun, goofy, Hamilton-loving three year old.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJyn4GuQop0H1QNb5tLKdckHGra8mcnqsu1DOkTcJsv9X98Va9zGKNbz4oI0OkSEGxkRSPZWipyw2lANkmq9e5ZH5Gi2pDmdTbnNzV6sEVLwCIW1kkb8MPexDBpfkzVMkQk0cePjWX-lmL/s1600/HamiltonJ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJyn4GuQop0H1QNb5tLKdckHGra8mcnqsu1DOkTcJsv9X98Va9zGKNbz4oI0OkSEGxkRSPZWipyw2lANkmq9e5ZH5Gi2pDmdTbnNzV6sEVLwCIW1kkb8MPexDBpfkzVMkQk0cePjWX-lmL/s400/HamiltonJ.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, he loves Hamilton. For months he told me he wanted his 3rd birthday party to be a "Hamilton Birthday."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He's basically the best ever.<br />
<br />
Since his adoption, we've had a few other kids become members of our family. There was 12 year old T, who was later joined by his 9 year old brother. They left early in 2017, and a few months after we were joined by 18 month old E, who is still with us as I write this.<br />
<br />
In three years, I've had 4 kids, so I'm still relatively inexperienced in the world of foster parenting. There are some parents out there who have been doing this longer than I've been alive- a fact that genuinely amazes me.<br />
<br />
Because this gig is really, really hard.<br />
<br />
It's wonderful and beautiful and fun and life-giving, but it's also incredibly challenging. And, #realtalk, it takes some significant sacrifices.<br />
<br />
In my limited experience, the decision to foster has required sacrifices of my time, sleep, social life, finances, paid time off work, physical/mental/emotional energy, and my general ability to do typical single-30-year-old-person things- like staying up all night to eat ice cream and watch <i>Stranger Things 2</i> the night it came out. It took me weeks to get through it! <i>Weeks!!</i><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNblFmFt1M54kYflG90aKrpKTubQOPhLQrINQhjfV0S6jVUBJ4KxQRo5KIYgL11UyV-AYBWtJhJkqf35VxdWPyFk5SYir5VhDwfmM4wqpogYJvBHN07XtbrvMHMRxDcAL7_9JNG7cBE1TO/s1600/StrangerThings.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="706" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNblFmFt1M54kYflG90aKrpKTubQOPhLQrINQhjfV0S6jVUBJ4KxQRo5KIYgL11UyV-AYBWtJhJkqf35VxdWPyFk5SYir5VhDwfmM4wqpogYJvBHN07XtbrvMHMRxDcAL7_9JNG7cBE1TO/s640/StrangerThings.gif" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ideally, this would have been me gearing up for a all-night Netflix marathon. Expect I'd be holding Ben and Jerry's.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But in spite of that, this road has been worth it. Because it matters. To the lives of these kids, and the lives of their families, and the lives they touch, and the lives <i>they</i> touch, and so on and so on. That's why so many parents do this wonderful, freaking hard work.<br />
<br />
Because it changes the world. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now let me bring this back around to how this relates to
you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As basically everyone knows, you like to make people's dreams come true. I've seen it
repeatedly on your show, but perhaps most notably when you fed all those
starving actors pizza at the Oscars.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDXHCjLfj4IJSlZ2qjg8F1elmK32vebbXAG-3NJWFii0AYPNmVJ61QO8c24OY0DxOoCxBdZN91u_0Tt3Fh7skM5C6U17YGAvPgpw338-jMP9aFqSiiitbkUf6S28ySBmpt1S7wPp7d3weK/s1600/OscarsPizza.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="970" height="403" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDXHCjLfj4IJSlZ2qjg8F1elmK32vebbXAG-3NJWFii0AYPNmVJ61QO8c24OY0DxOoCxBdZN91u_0Tt3Fh7skM5C6U17YGAvPgpw338-jMP9aFqSiiitbkUf6S28ySBmpt1S7wPp7d3weK/s640/OscarsPizza.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at how excited they were to get a slice! They were all about that pepperoni!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I sometimes joke with my friends about how you're essentially everyone's fairy godmother- you have a seemingly magical ability to transform wishes into reality. We talk about what wishes we'd make, and admittedly there are several on my
list: a vacation, tickets to Hamilton, dinner with my dream celeb mom squad (Mindy Kaling, Kristen Bell, and Michelle Obama- I legitimately feel like we'd hit it off)... you
know, the typical list.<br />
<br />
But far and away the top wish I have is
that you would use your annual Mother's Day Show to celebrate foster moms. (Sorry, Mom Squad- you all are a close-ish second.)<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Listen, I've seen your Mother's Day shows, and they're
fantastic. Watching those cute baby bumps dance through the aisles is incredible,
and there is no doubt in my mind those women deserve that kind of party.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there are so many other types of moms out there, and I think they deserve to be celebrated, too. Their stories are a bit
different, but so worth being told.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These women may not bring their children into the world, but they invest <i><u>so much</u></i> into making sure they thrive when they get here- even with the knowledge that their title of "mom" might be temporary.<br />
<br />
They are so eager to provide a loving home to other people's children that they willingly tolerate all the extra things that come with it- like having strangers come into their house and get up in their business <i>at least</i> once a month, or being unable to hire a babysitter who hasn't been fingerprinted for a
criminal background check. Being a foster mom comes with a lot of responsibilities beyond keeping a small human alive.<br />
<br />
Foster moms take all that on (and so much more) because they want to do exactly what you encourage people to do each day- spread kindness.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now even though celebrating these women is already a solid reason to make this episode happen, there's another one that I think is even better.<br />
<br />
Hosting a Foster Mother's Day episode could be a <i><u><b>powerful</b></u></i> way to educate people on ways they can make a difference in their communities- because this really is an issue that impacts us all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did you know that in the United States, more than 400,000
children are living without permanent families in the foster care system? And
more children enter than leave every year.* Because of these growing numbers, in many states (like my own) there
is such a shortage of foster families that some children wind up sleeping
in hotels or CPS offices until they can find long-term options.** <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Your viewers could do something about that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are countless things- big and small- people can do to make a difference, but they may not even be aware of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could donate items to children in care,
volunteer with an organization supporting biological families working toward
reunification, register to provide babysitting or respite care for foster
families, or even become foster parents themselves! (That is definitely not an exhaustive list.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So many people<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> don't know</span> about the reality of fostering, which is why I am often told, “I
could never do that!" If people don't have an accurate idea about what this journey is like, they may never realize they can walk alongside me or the kids in my care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> That's why </span>I am passionate about sharing my own experience- both the ups and the
downs. I want people to understand there's something they can do to support the children who need us.<br />
<br />
But I know your voice can carry a
lot further than mine. According to my (very formal Wikipedia) research, your
show averages nearly 3 million viewers per episode, which is a pretty
incredible sphere of influence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also know you use your voice to make a positive impact on
the world- it’s one of the many reasons I admire you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know you can’t support every cause people point you
toward, but I at least wanted to ask you to support this one. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, just as a fun fact in case it helps, May--<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the very month containing Mother's Day and, consequently, your Mother's Day show- also
happens to be National Foster Care Awareness Month!!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd8jT4Crq9JRtaWNSzvuw4fBBf6cdgW0gJ_AAxvRyHD1RAbPRYd_0ksqaHaYYxeRmT6WpjG2Y7cSRVQ6a7gakJV9yeVx02hblBXXOw9SLx57Mvi0d1bHR2WNNSBdg2KpuSpEnVVLCwgtyk/s1600/MindBlown.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="204" data-original-width="498" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd8jT4Crq9JRtaWNSzvuw4fBBf6cdgW0gJ_AAxvRyHD1RAbPRYd_0ksqaHaYYxeRmT6WpjG2Y7cSRVQ6a7gakJV9yeVx02hblBXXOw9SLx57Mvi0d1bHR2WNNSBdg2KpuSpEnVVLCwgtyk/s640/MindBlown.gif" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even Kate McKinnon's mind is blown!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What are the chances, right??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I guess 1 out of 12, but still- it really makes this idea even more perfect, doesn't it??<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, I don't know if you'll ever see this. In fact, I
think the chances are much slimmer than the chances of Mother's Day and Foster
Care Awareness Month lining up.<br />
<br />
But I still I have to try. Because on the off chance that this dream becomes a reality, it could make a lot of other people's dreams come true, too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<a href="imessage:+18324729392"></a>
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Thank you for being you, Ellen!<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
And next time you see Michelle Obama, please tell her I love her.<br />
<br />
All my best,<br />
<br />
Kaley<br />
<br />
<br />
ps- I realize this request may seem a little self-serving, but I really wouldn't need to be in the audience if this show happens. I'd imagine you could find plenty of foster moms a bit closer, and I would be <i>ecstatic </i>to see them celebrated! I promise I'm not motivated by wanting to be there.<br />
<br />
<br />
But that being said, I'm not <i>opposed</i> to being there. Obviously I'd be excited to be there in person, but I'd be just as thrilled to watch from Texas, too! I promise!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-54753688768105485122018-01-25T16:24:00.001-06:002018-01-25T16:24:37.292-06:00New Beginnings. (Sort of.)Hello, everyone!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifJC_gEdeVlJsdKkU8Sw5i26-y8mx5jBLKYpsBPLLU-1R2NVU_XjCwjRcZvtCX8n3CAvJVQScfX-macx6dlq8L8DV2N1liV3I1md-QzEicDPxqWqndKGLAN6L70P-elUR-TwITPT-x9Ca6/s1600/Back.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="224" data-original-width="400" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifJC_gEdeVlJsdKkU8Sw5i26-y8mx5jBLKYpsBPLLU-1R2NVU_XjCwjRcZvtCX8n3CAvJVQScfX-macx6dlq8L8DV2N1liV3I1md-QzEicDPxqWqndKGLAN6L70P-elUR-TwITPT-x9Ca6/s400/Back.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
I know I've started multiple posts this way in the past few years, but- I'm back!! It's been a year since I've posted in here. And a lot of things have happened.<br />
<br />
A lot.<br />
<br />
Some good. Some less good.<br />
<br />
But all of them have added up to an interesting year.<br />
<br />
Here's the Spark Notes version of what's been going on:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Not too long after my last post, T1 and T2 left. (If anyone new happens to read this, they are the 12 and 9 year old boys I fostered for a few months at the end of 2016 and start of 2017.) They went to a new foster home that could take them and their sister. That transition was surprisingly hard. I thought I'd be relieved to have a break from the chaos, but I was mostly sad. To be honest, I'm still working through a lot of those feelings, so I may have to come back to that in a future post.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>J and I took a few weeks to recoup, and then we went back on the list of open homes.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Then we waited. And waited. And waited. For about 3 months.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>On June 1st, I was at work when I received a call about an almost 18-month-old girl who might need a placement. I said I'd do it. Then I waited some more while the agency sorted through details. </li>
</ul>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkd6fjK_blr-ZAriF-H1_vpMSfzhKrUBCdg-4vJXHiv6NykF-h-p5eCdSS5RriQW7HkHTJT3QbAaDQ1xtMMtUEO1Fe5B2GxKZ98S0DybmdWNvVwZl06W_21kRGEgUqNHgJQr60VRENnVxu/s1600/Waiting.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkd6fjK_blr-ZAriF-H1_vpMSfzhKrUBCdg-4vJXHiv6NykF-h-p5eCdSS5RriQW7HkHTJT3QbAaDQ1xtMMtUEO1Fe5B2GxKZ98S0DybmdWNvVwZl06W_21kRGEgUqNHgJQr60VRENnVxu/s400/Waiting.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Actual footage of me waiting for their return call.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li>A few hours later, they called back to say she'd be arriving that evening.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>A few hours after that, Miss E showed up. Having grown accustomed to a house full of boys, I prepared myself for an exciting new adventure. And that is exactly what I got entering into life with 2 toddlers.</li>
</ul>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAFb9R9k4zy3v4NK112FrNzw7EgVgj3CNj07cUil0wtQFIGUs0YiK5sG1OO1NFAPvKwLWyq0EKIlNcTNd-farkmL5VHOYfXARdhz-n8LEhTmJM_W1FNwdfGEGldviBkOiIbUs7q0BLY_7/s1600/Life+with+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="794" data-original-width="447" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAFb9R9k4zy3v4NK112FrNzw7EgVgj3CNj07cUil0wtQFIGUs0YiK5sG1OO1NFAPvKwLWyq0EKIlNcTNd-farkmL5VHOYfXARdhz-n8LEhTmJM_W1FNwdfGEGldviBkOiIbUs7q0BLY_7/s640/Life+with+2.JPG" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my favorite pictures of 2017- showing J and E the ocean for the first time. Because, oh yeah, we traveled to Oregon 2 weeks after E arrived- just like J and I did after his arrival, oddly enough. (They were both previously planned trips.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<ul>
<li>In November, we thought E was leaving. We were told a reunification plan was settled, and she'd be gone in a matter of days. I went to court thinking I'd learn about the transition details. Instead I learned some of the supports we thought were in place for E's mom fell through, so they had to start over at square one. Meaning E would stay with us for a while longer.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Fast forward to today. E is still with us. She turned 2 over the holidays. And boy... this girl is a firecracker. She is really cute, remarkably charming, frustratingly stubborn, and incredibly confident in what she wants. It's a roller coaster combination, as you might imagine.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2s_Z1PyaG0pTKVRbrePxYaqU1P8hF5fBRZ3bu-zJq0-yob2mHo_t1MKKXXcSIqfgnjp5HqLGuJdREVEG1V8-5zkXj-kR7t6J5-d6LB_yV6_nrMZC8m22t2cxfYWoJtyfR_VeeK29-8xBm/s1600/Coffee.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="500" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2s_Z1PyaG0pTKVRbrePxYaqU1P8hF5fBRZ3bu-zJq0-yob2mHo_t1MKKXXcSIqfgnjp5HqLGuJdREVEG1V8-5zkXj-kR7t6J5-d6LB_yV6_nrMZC8m22t2cxfYWoJtyfR_VeeK29-8xBm/s400/Coffee.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Already my life, but even more so the past 8 months.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
I think my favorite part of having E join our little family is watching the bond form between her and J. When T1 and T2 lived with us, J enjoyed playing with them. He thought they were hilarious, and looked up to them in a toddler-who-idolizes-older-siblings way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But now he's a big brother, which is a role I think he's taken on well. Mostly.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Our first weekend together, we took E to the zoo, and J held her hand while we walked around, as if he was showing her one of his favorite places. (Which I suppose he was, in a way.) Now, he refers to her as "my sister"- I think because his day care teachers refer to her as such. He shares his toys with her, helps her when she drops something, and then will push her over if she gets too close to his personal space.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And she does the same to him. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
They act just like most siblings in that way.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR4QZYynpARY_cYwZcDaNTTT2fMQRhvJs35qt17rXYOTwfVvH2AvA8RONq9GgaN-XtY5I2K-hxO1lYIm3qAgXbCFgQ695LaK3NYIGiWii6Zti5tmcIJnIzSeGT9uaAQSQxFnlRPQhDqyof/s1600/Siblings.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="310" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR4QZYynpARY_cYwZcDaNTTT2fMQRhvJs35qt17rXYOTwfVvH2AvA8RONq9GgaN-XtY5I2K-hxO1lYIm3qAgXbCFgQ695LaK3NYIGiWii6Zti5tmcIJnIzSeGT9uaAQSQxFnlRPQhDqyof/s400/Siblings.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just like these penguins, they're so cute... until one gets pushed into the ice.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
One of the hardest things about having E join our family is coping with double the amount of toddlers. This stage is no jokes, guys. It is no. Joke.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But for all of its frustrations, it is really fun. It seems like they both learn something (or somethings) new every day, and I love being a part of that! </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So we'll see where things go from here. The permanency plan is still reunification, so I'm assuming E's time with our family will be brief. But even so, it will certainly be memorable.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I hope we've made a positive impact on her life, but I know she's made a positive impact on mine.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, that's where we are. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm excited to get back to writing, because it's been <i>way</i> too long since I've made this a priority. I've thought about it a lot in the past year, but things always seemed to prevent me from jumping back in. At first it was feeling incapable of communicating thoughts and feelings around T1 and T2 leaving. Then it was feeling like I had nothing to write about. Then it was trying to re-balance after our family grew again. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But now it feels like time. I think I'm a better parent and person when I make an effort to write. (Or type.) So here's hoping I can keep that up!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Besides, I have an annual tradition requiring me to post a letter to a certain someone coming up soon... </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-36664209599352346912017-01-30T12:48:00.000-06:002017-01-31T14:33:49.275-06:00My Letter to Ellen (3.0)<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ZDOIYrRCliGxisO8jaaduPQapo5bgdv3Zdcch9YJ6_j2jMlhj4BIXxtJOK6vmMXZK29kmdG4gkcElABXluEGYSjkgyqANf58ydjTW7g1SZ__CM-G66hCywF-15gr1iLMQmzm89SZLdjr/s1600/My+Letter+To+Ellen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="363" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ZDOIYrRCliGxisO8jaaduPQapo5bgdv3Zdcch9YJ6_j2jMlhj4BIXxtJOK6vmMXZK29kmdG4gkcElABXluEGYSjkgyqANf58ydjTW7g1SZ__CM-G66hCywF-15gr1iLMQmzm89SZLdjr/s640/My+Letter+To+Ellen.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was such a special day. Glad I could be there to celebrate you, E.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313;">As many of you may or may not but probably may know, I have a deep and abiding belief that </span><b style="color: #131313;">Ellen DeGeneres is an angel/miracle worker who can make anyone's dreams come true.</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUz1rtZoQHXMvb4RbVZWVBLxQUe-gX6dwPywt5Xzweo5S2u29So7LrqRak0Hl0EMlB-1DAMzZzastTb2WMWoOO3NnUBDMCSC8_LunjL4KWPoyCE_Vyu89JObs0owoOo-kMrP5_33GtZTG/s1600/Ellen+the+good+witch.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUz1rtZoQHXMvb4RbVZWVBLxQUe-gX6dwPywt5Xzweo5S2u29So7LrqRak0Hl0EMlB-1DAMzZzastTb2WMWoOO3NnUBDMCSC8_LunjL4KWPoyCE_Vyu89JObs0owoOo-kMrP5_33GtZTG/s640/Ellen+the+good+witch.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b style="color: #131313;"><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you watch her show or follow her on any of her social media accounts, you likely believe this, as well.<span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I mean, look at this <a href="http://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1108319/times-ellen-degeneres-charitable-giving-changed-lives">list of ways Ellen has changed lives</a>.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> She doesn't mess around.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Being the daydreamer I am, I often imagine what wish I would make if I were ever in Ellen's presence. I like to keep a small running list in the back of my mind- just in case. There are some practical things (like some help with odd jobs around the house or a car with more room for car seats) and some fun things (like a vacation or a night out with </span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Michelle Obama</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">). </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiniqvCyx4YamjgqwsKVe7huC7U0lSKXdTPWVcdLtehRC7tocH2JINbV23CKJb98PF7FxgGa4ZKEmSoE2ZOmGDHmGCR6toeqNkUSHvSg1Ed9zxhsjvtRjoHgHT81EkMFQgf-ZXPy8ebJuoS/s1600/MichelleO+gif.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiniqvCyx4YamjgqwsKVe7huC7U0lSKXdTPWVcdLtehRC7tocH2JINbV23CKJb98PF7FxgGa4ZKEmSoE2ZOmGDHmGCR6toeqNkUSHvSg1Ed9zxhsjvtRjoHgHT81EkMFQgf-ZXPy8ebJuoS/s400/MichelleO+gif.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'd gladly do any of these things with her any day.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But ultimately, I have <u>one</u> </span><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">main wish</span><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> that surpasses all the others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And that is saying something- because one wish I've consistently had for years is to be set up on a date with Josh Groban, and word on the street is he's single this year, so that's a totally normal, realistic, and not at all creepy wish to have.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNopXVmd2uED8OOUeQWiXNIy27QIKBo7if4L0tjdzzz6HYbY4PgpZikwlVxsSw0HvRWWeSqRSXRSGQGhv-i0OGs_joRVCokLog8MYmZE37JvjN8X8QIWPrkYSjaI4p7c4eNo7N4YtsTedu/s400/Ellen+Set+Up.gif" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">I agree.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If I could ask Ellen for just one thing, it would be this: </span><br />
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><u>I'd ask her to dedicate her annual Mother's Day show to foster moms.</u></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you haven't read my past two letters and don't want to read all of this one, there are two main reasons I want this to happen:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It would be a great way to celebrate badass women who do some hard and amazing things.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It would raise awareness about such an important issue in our country today. And during National Foster Care Awareness month, no less!</span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Obviously my personal experience makes me a little bit biased,
but the concept of a Foster Mother's Day episode honestly seems perfect to
me. Ellen <i>loves</i> making the world a better place! She ends every show by encouraging people to "be kind to one another," so it would fit</span><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> perfectly with who Ellen is and the message she shares with the world. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsFBuBMmGEGqpORG4__6dzrYpZsXnu1vchzi3Hn74jdCNKfxLqmRPNNqb8JW3omtlRikWODB-oj5PNQ14c1lQNXIroYq2Pj0I1g-PjGLIiYerMjQZAlTMbIRobD1194dDs0Im_MeARJZZx/s1600/Ellen.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsFBuBMmGEGqpORG4__6dzrYpZsXnu1vchzi3Hn74jdCNKfxLqmRPNNqb8JW3omtlRikWODB-oj5PNQ14c1lQNXIroYq2Pj0I1g-PjGLIiYerMjQZAlTMbIRobD1194dDs0Im_MeARJZZx/s400/Ellen.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So do we, Ellen. So do we.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And did I mention the episode would fall during Foster Care Awareness month? Because it would.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I feel so strongly about this that I've committed to writing her a letter suggesting it every year until it becomes a reality. This is my third try, and I hope that it (like many third tries) is a charm. Because writing these letters and finding the perfect gifs for them is time consuming. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you happen to agree and think a Foster Mother's Day episode would be neat, I'd be honored if you read and shared this letter</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tweet out the link, post it on Instagram, share it 50 times
on her Facebook page... whatever. (Here's an abbreviated version: <a href="http://bit.ly/2kL5KAF">http://bit.ly/2kL5KAF</a> if needed!) Maybe if enough people share it enough times, she'll
actually see it! (Or someone on her staff will, who would then maybe share it
with her.) <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In an effort to be strategic, I think it'd be helpful to coordinate sharing and time them for Wednesdays- starting Feb 1st. But if you want to share it other days, I will not object. If you have other friends who would be up for sharing it, pass it along to them, too!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Be sure to tag Ellen when applicable- and use the hashtags
#BeKindToOneAnother and #FosterMoms4Ellen if you can squeeze them in there. (I tried to think of a better- or at least shorter- hashtag, but apparently that's not my gift.)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
Also be sure to make it public if you're using social media- that way it can be seen and shared!</div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">And on the off chance that you/someone you know is an acquaintance or best friend of Ellen's, I’ll give you a hand written version to pass along to her directly. </span>If we’re all just 7 degrees from Kevin Bacon, we have to be only 5 or 6 from Ellen. She seems to know a lot of people, so if you're one of them... hit me up.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">____________________</span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Hello there, Ellen!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">You might not know this, but I’ve written to you quite a bit over the past few
years. I think all of my letters and emails have gotten lost en route, though, because I haven’t heard back from you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This is year three of my annual tradition- writing you a letter in an effort to share a really great show idea.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I think it’s really great, at least. And I have a feeling you’d agree if you
saw it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But first, let me introduce myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My name is Kaley. I’m a 29-year-old social worker living in
Waco, TX. Like many people, I intend to spend my life living fully by doing
things I love and care about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes I strive toward that goal by spending time with
friends and family, attempting crafts I find on Pinterest, or eating too
much Ben and Jerry’s in one sitting. I’m a pretty average young adult in that
way. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(How long can I label myself as a
young adult? Is there a cap on that? Probably neither here nor there right now,
but I’m curious.)</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I've also decided to live fully by becoming a foster parent, which I suppose makes me a little bit unique among my age group.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve been a foster parent for about three years now, and I
could likely write a short novel on the journey it’s been. In an effort
to save us both time, though, I’ll stick with the Spark Notes version for now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m going to skip over the years leading up to it and begin with
September 2014- when my foster care journey officially began. That's the month I completed all the requirements and signed licensure paperwork, making my "foster parent" title official. On paper, at least. It became official in a more tangible sense two weeks later, when I got a call about my first placement. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">There was a mom scheduled to
give birth in the next few days, and her baby needed a home immediately. I eagerly said yes and,
like most moms-to-be (although at a slightly faster pace), I started preparing.
A few days later, on September 26th, I went to the hospital to pick up my first foster son.
Miraculously, the hospital staff let me leave with him (I had no clue what I
was doing) and, even more miraculously, a judge let me leave a courthouse as his
forever, legal mom 15 months later! It wasn’t even remotely what I expected to happen 2 ½ years ago, but
every day I am remarkably grateful as I think about the magnitude of that gift and
responsibility.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After my son’s adoption, we spent a few months enjoying time
as a family of two and getting re-licensed to open our home up for more
placements. We finalized that process in October of 2016, and one week later I
got a call about a 12 year old boy. One hour after that, T1 arrived on my
doorstep, and my world shifted again. Caring for a 12-year old has challenged
and stretched me in some<i> <u>big</u> </i>ways, but just as I felt like I was maybe <i>sort of</i> starting to get the hang out it,
things changed again. In December, I found out T1’s brother needed a new
placement and, long story short, we became- and currently remain- a family of four.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve had 3 placements in 3 years, but I still feel
inexperienced in the world of foster parenting. I’ve definitely learned a lot,
though, and I have gained a <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">tremendous</u> amount of respect for the people who sacrifice so
much to take on this role. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As a foster mom, I've had to sacrifice my:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">time, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">finances,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">physical and emotional energy, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">mental
health,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">paid time off at work, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and my ability to do things like spend time with
friends and family, travel, sleep in past 6AM, stay out past midnight, make
last-minute plans with anyone, Netflix-marathon Gilmore Girls: Year in the
Life in one sitting, and generally live a “normal” 29-year-old-single-lady life. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And that’s
not even an exhaustive list. Being a foster mom is freaking hard, and some days
the only thing saving me from careening over the brink of insanity is the
knowledge that there’s a bottle of </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">wine with my name on it</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> waiting for me after the kids go to
sleep. Real talk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheOaAYEDlSDiPaGESGDwHT-3puXqIIK01ljo4HWwVYQYD6NcNwz3I2Nb15ytWJPf03PP_gudE3vliw6cV0DZq-OKiWaUD7gUg4NryJh-ICCli_1yj6dHZ8NV22WxdUQpNWV1uHH1Scp7SB/s1600/WineTime.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="342" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheOaAYEDlSDiPaGESGDwHT-3puXqIIK01ljo4HWwVYQYD6NcNwz3I2Nb15ytWJPf03PP_gudE3vliw6cV0DZq-OKiWaUD7gUg4NryJh-ICCli_1yj6dHZ8NV22WxdUQpNWV1uHH1Scp7SB/s400/WineTime.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you, wine.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The thing is, being a foster parent opens your heart up to so much love
and joy- which simultaneously leaves it open to a lot of grief and pain. It really requires a unique sense of vulnerability, because you have to balance
two very different truths and figure out a way to carry them both at the same
time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In one hand, you hold the truth that these children are your
own. You open up space for them in your home and heart, and you care for them as though you gave them life and will walk them through it from start to
finish. You love them completely and without condition, because that's what parents do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But in the other hand, you hold the truth that there’s
another family out there- one they could return to any day. You have to accept
that, no matter how much love you pour into them, they might not remember your
name- or you at all- years down the road.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And those are hard realities to reconcile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But even so, foster parents stick with it because this work is
<b><i>important. </i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><u>And it is <b>so</b> <b>desperately</b> <b>needed.</b></u><b><o:p></o:p></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><u><b><br /></b></u></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And I have to believe- especially on the hard days- that it
makes an impact. Not just in the lives of the children in care, but on the
lives they touch, and the lives they touch, and so on and so forth until it
spreads throughout the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It may sound cheesy or cliché, but it astounds and humbles
me just thinking about it. That impact is one of the things that makes this
responsibility so beautiful and rewarding.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Which brings me to the purpose of this letter. Every May,
you have a wonderful Mother’s Day show where you celebrate women doing an amazing
thing- bringing life into the world. Your audience is filled with women proudly
rocking their baby bumps, and it's one of the best shows of the year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But over the past three years, my eyes have been opened to
the many mothers out there whose stories aren’t often celebrated- or even
shared. From women who are led to foster care because they are unable (or
choose not) to have children biologically, to women who foster just so kids can
experience safety and love before finding permanency with their biological or
adoptive families- there are many mothers out there who don’t necessarily bring
lives into the world, but they certainly work hard to make sure those lives
thrive. Their stories are complex and challenging, but they are also beautiful
and <i>very much worth telling.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I think it would be amazing to host a Foster Mother’s Day show
celebrating these women. Not only
because they deserve it for the love they selflessly give, but because it would
inform millions of your viewers about a really important issue. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Did you know
that in the United States, more than 400,000 children are living without
permanent families in the foster care system? And more children enter than
leave each year.* In many states- like my own- there is such a shortage of foster families that children wind up s<span id="goog_1416740109"></span>leeping in CPS offices for nights at a time<span id="goog_1416740110"></span>.** </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">There are so many things- big and small- your viewers
can do about this, but they may not even be aware of them. They could donate items to children in care, volunteer with an organization that supports biological families working
toward reunification, register to provide respite care for foster families, or could even become foster parents themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve been amazed by how little most people seem to know
about the reality of fostering. Many people tell me, “I could never do that!”
without having an accurate understanding of what it’s like. Because of this, I'm passionate about changing people’s misconceptions by being honest about my
experience- both the joys and the challenges- in my conversations and writing, but I know your voice can carry a lot further than mine. (According to my very formal Wikipedia research, your show averaged 3.9 million viewers per episode in 2011, which is a pretty incredible sphere of influence). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I also know you use your voice to make a positive impact on the world- it’s one of the many
reasons I admire you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I know you can’t support every cause people point you
toward, but I at least wanted to ask you to support this one. May is National Foster Care Awareness month, too, so it could be perfect!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m not sure if this will actually reach you, but, if it
does, I’d be so grateful if you’d even consider this. Whether you think about
making a change to the Mother’s Day show or share this information in some
other way, I really believe it could make <i><u>such</u></i> a difference for the kids across the
country in need of safe homes and loving families.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Regardless of whether or not this letter changes anything, I
really am thankful for all you do to make the world a better place. You bring
so much joy to so many people, which is why you always make my list when I
answer the classic getting-to-know-you question: “What five people- dead or alive- would you invite to a
dinner party?” There’d be so much good conversation and dancing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you for being kind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">All the best,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Kaley<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(p.s.- I realize it may seem a little self-serving to make
this suggestion given the fact that I am a foster mom myself, but I would be
totally fine if you did this and I wasn't there- I'd imagine there are plenty of other
foster moms who could fill an audience.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(I mean, I wouldn’t complain if I was there, but I’d be genuinely thrilled to watch from afar, too.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(pps- I’ve had a few years to imagine what this show would
look like, and I have some celebrity guest ideas if
you need them. I've been told Sandra Bullock and Nia Vardalos were both foster moms! I don't know either of them personally, though, so I can't confirm the validity of that statement.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">*AFCARS report, 2015:
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/trends_fostercare_adoption2014.pdf<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">**http://www.mystatesman.com/news/state--regional-govt--politics/texas-foster-children-slept-state-offices-march-and-april/VM2oQCF3iLPdgbOebj2kEN/</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-49065777467638123312017-01-19T16:34:00.000-06:002017-01-19T19:02:37.283-06:00"IT'S NOT ABOUT THE LAUNDRY!"<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh3NEOSy9o9_4W1pKe3y-4Lm2ShcswtBUnoaznKFJSqooXyicEiUpxRHY_YBJu9ZyrP9xlaNI684LW5Ma_x36w_zIQvyr2x1IE5x6D3DSARYzOMd2E4qMl3H6jaNCYG2a-fHlUpVFOTUWG/s1600/NotAboutTheLaundry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="464" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh3NEOSy9o9_4W1pKe3y-4Lm2ShcswtBUnoaznKFJSqooXyicEiUpxRHY_YBJu9ZyrP9xlaNI684LW5Ma_x36w_zIQvyr2x1IE5x6D3DSARYzOMd2E4qMl3H6jaNCYG2a-fHlUpVFOTUWG/s640/NotAboutTheLaundry.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span>
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I started writing this post back in December and have debated since whether or not I actually want to post it. I wrote as a necessary reminder for myself, but doing so required me to be very honest about something I don't always love to admit publicly. As someone who is passionate about advocating for foster care and encouraging others to get involved, I love having the opportunity to highlight the Instagram-worthy parts of being a foster parent, and I could talk about how important and meaningful this work is all day.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313;">But when it comes to the challenges? I like to keep it light. That's partially because I like looking like I have it all together, but mostly because I am aware that foster care intimidates a lot of people, and I worry that being too honest about the difficult moments might, in some people's minds, be a confirmation this path is one they should avoid. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313;">At the same time, I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking this is an easy road once you muster up the courage to take those first steps.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313;">Because the truth is: sometimes being a foster parent is incredibly difficult.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The past
few months have been <i><u>hard</u></i>. Like- ready to quit because I’m just so exhausted and overwhelmed hard.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">T1 and T2 are remarkable kids- they are resilient and caring and
sensitive and funny. And they are also punks, for lack of a better term.
There are probably numerous reasons for this fact- some revolving around their
life experiences and some revolving around their life stage. But caring for
them has challenged me in both expected and unexpected ways, and- to be very honest-
there have been times when I’ve felt ready to throw in the towel. I’ve been
yelled at and threatened, laughed at and mocked, and just disrespected in
general. And it is really, really f****** hard and frustrating and exhausting. (The
“f” word seems to be one of the few words that do it justice, but I know not
everyone loves its use. I generally don’t, but I have found it an accurate
articulation of my feelings lately.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am not always able to think clearly or respond with patience
and grace in those tense moments of frustration and exhaustion. I haven’t done the math, but I think recently the
percentage of times I've handled them well has been pretty low. Truth be told, I have
dropped the “s” word twice in front of them, which feels a little embarrassing
in retrospect- although I know they have heard (and said) much worse. I’ve been
pushed to the point of tears on multiple occasions now, and I regularly have to follow Daniel Tiger's advice to take a deep breath and count to four. Or a million. (It's a little <a href="http://knct.pbslearningmedia.org/resource/ce65aeaa-ddd2-45dd-908e-6abd84ef2cb2/ce65aeaa-ddd2-45dd-908e-6abd84ef2cb2/" target="_blank">song from the show</a> that J-Bear is starting to learn, which is really adorable. That's neither
here nor there, but maybe I'll share a video sometime.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I am able to calm down enough to think clearly, which sometimes takes a
while, I remember a conversation I had with T1 not long after he joined our family. We were getting ready for school/work one morning, unsurprisingly running
behind schedule, when he- clearly frustrated- yelled to me from his room, “MS. KALEY-
WHERE’S MY WHITE POLO SHIRT?!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: “I’m not sure- have you checked your closet?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">T1: “YES! IT’S NOT THERE! IS IT IN YOUR ROOM?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: “Honey, I do your laundry separately to avoid mixing our
clothes up.” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(This was an important
lesson I learned the week before, when he couldn’t find the socks he wanted.) </i>“I
did your laundry two days ago, so it has to be somewhere in your room. Is it in
the dirty clothes?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">T1: “NO, I ALREADY CHECKED THERE!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: “Well, you’re welcome to check the laundry room- and I’ll
skim my room, but I can pretty much guarantee it’s not in here!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After this exchange, he stomped through the house to the laundry room to rummage around and,
as I suspected, did not find his white polo shirt. He returned to his room, continuing to stomp and mumbling about how someone probably stole it or buried
somewhere in my laundry. I checked my laundry basket (which essentially
functions as a closet at this point because it holds all the clean clothes I’m
too lazy/tired to put away). No dice. When I informed him it wasn't in there, I heard his door slam in response. Not long afterward, it was (past) time to go, so I announced we needed to leave the house in the next few
minutes while attempting to pull J-Bear’s jacket over his squirming arms (because, oh
yeah, I’m also trying to get a toddler ready through all of this). One arm into that process, T1, threw open his door and marched out of the house and toward the car without a word. He hadn't quite reached the doorknob, though, when I noticed
something out of the corner of my eye... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You probably guessed it- he was
wearing the missing white polo. I muttered a quick prayer of thanksgiving that my assumption about the shirt’s location was accurate and carried J-Bear to the car.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cut to a few minutes later. We are now driving to T’s school in
silence. He’s staring- or perhaps more accurately glaring- out the window,
refusing to look at me. I wait for a bit and muster up some empathy (after
all, I experienced similar frustrations as a teenager with a chronically
chaotic room- sorry, mom!) before saying, “Hey, T, I know this morning was
stressful. It must have been frustrating not being able to find your shirt when
you wanted it. Maybe after school today, we can brainstorm some ways for us to
stay more organized with your laundry so we can avoid that stress in the-” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>“It’s not about the laundry!”</b> he interjected sharply.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The silence returned as his words sunk in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313;">And I felt like an idiot.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Because of <i>course</i> it’s not about the laundry!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sure, that may have been what he was responding to in the
moment. But what’s really going on is that this kid is living with a strange
white lady and her son, missing his family, worried about his siblings,
devastated over missing his brother’s birthday, confused by how quickly his
entire world shifted, frustrated by how little control he has over anything
happening to him, and scared of the uncertainty of his family’s
future. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He’s not mad about his shirt. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He’s terrified by everything going on in his life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As a foster mom of older boys, I have found myself so frequently
losing patience because I am horribly short-sighted. And often selfish. That's not me being modest or seeking reassurance those things aren’t true, because I
promise you- they really, really are. (I am a human, after all.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I’m dealing with another temper tantrum or mood swing or
the millionth repetition of a basic instruction like “brush your teeth,” it’s
easy for me to focus on how hard this is for <i style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline;">me</i>- how frustrating it can be to
deal with remarkably disorganized rooms (I totally get it now, mom), having to pick up wet towels from the floor for somehow the 10<sup>th</sup> time this week even though it’s only Tuesday, short
tempers, insubordination, and blatant disrespect feebly disguised as “just a joke!”. It is
<i>hard</i> for me to realize <u>I’m not the only person struggling with this change</u>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know enough about childhood trauma to know not to <i>expect</i> this, but deep down I want these boys to walk into my home and immediately understand/adapt to
my habits, my personal preferences, my rules and expectations, my family
culture, etc. But that’s not very realistic. And it’s certainly not empathetic or fair.
Because, the truth is, they're adapting to and dealing with <i><b>a lot</b></i>. They've spent their entire lives in a different home where things likely look very different, and I can't really expect them to navigate all of these changes with ease. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That being said, I am clear with them that there is no excuse to
be disrespectful. I set high expectations for them, and I remind them
at every opportunity of the gifts, strength and potential they have.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But I'm still working on the grace part.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I'm not sure I'll ever fully get there- because being disrespected just sucks. But I want to try to be more aware of what's <i>really</i> going on- what's happening behind the meltdown over the laundry.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And as I reflect on how important that is for my life with these boys, I realize it doesn't end there. I want to practice seeing deeper and extending more grace to <i>everyone</i>- even the driver who</span><span style="color: #131313;"> honks at me for driving the speed limit while cutting me off in a school zone.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313;">I often see people simply through how their actions affect <i>me.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313;">Instead, I want to see them as people who are doing the <u><i>really hard</i></u> work of being human. (Because let's be honest- sometimes being a person is <i>rough</i>.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #131313;">There's a quote I love that is often accredited to Plato but may have actually been adapted from something Ian Macalaren wrote (thanks, Google!): </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOWqY63Ss1oEat15h3CzdU4WelFJi8ylBbmvbfR8iGsDa8HSyOCQ_7UblnhHC6nsusySo2qziQnIiM4TbZW3nS3PWtoV36vqmdNO8jmpgoMaNmdXT7mFgNGwQnI_pCR56QgHRrehd8_g6s/s1600/be-kind-for-everyone-you-meet-is-fighting-a-hard-battle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOWqY63Ss1oEat15h3CzdU4WelFJi8ylBbmvbfR8iGsDa8HSyOCQ_7UblnhHC6nsusySo2qziQnIiM4TbZW3nS3PWtoV36vqmdNO8jmpgoMaNmdXT7mFgNGwQnI_pCR56QgHRrehd8_g6s/s640/be-kind-for-everyone-you-meet-is-fighting-a-hard-battle.jpg" width="448" /></span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I so often need this reminder- in my home and life in general.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Or this one, from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/KidPresident/" target="_blank">Kid President</a>:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghOR1Z8vLGEESNVYfZVeBQWq4X9Er2cmWp9YJFYF-5gYza68so3ly9zA9_e7QKydfzlzIqBm7pRimVMj_rIE3RXj9bQ1_ZHwdXDc4aLtcBRG0xp5poP9SaVm1Qgrxq2NM_90TLRpLlDNMo/s1600/14242387_729827317157919_4902754684125541972_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghOR1Z8vLGEESNVYfZVeBQWq4X9Er2cmWp9YJFYF-5gYza68so3ly9zA9_e7QKydfzlzIqBm7pRimVMj_rIE3RXj9bQ1_ZHwdXDc4aLtcBRG0xp5poP9SaVm1Qgrxq2NM_90TLRpLlDNMo/s400/14242387_729827317157919_4902754684125541972_o.jpg" width="388" /></span></a></div>
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<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now this isn't to say I will simply accept meanness and overlook
disrespect. That behavior isn’t acceptable and needs to be acknowledged and addressed.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></em></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><em><span style="font-style: normal;">But I </span></em><em>will</em><em><span style="font-style: normal;"> work
on looking <u>through</u> the behavior to see the <u>person</u> behind it, so compassion- rather
than anger/exhaustion/frustration/etc- will inform my response.<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></div>
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<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don’t know what’s in store for me and T1 and T2. There’s a lot we’re
trying to figure out in order to ensure they’re being loved and cared for as
fully as possible. I hope that can happen in my home. But no matter what lies
ahead, I always want to remember:<o:p></o:p></span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>It’s not about the laundry.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">**Just in case anyone is interested, one book that has really informed
my understanding of child development and behavior is <u><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing/dp/0553386697/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1484864138&sr=1-1&keywords=whole+brained+child" target="_blank">The Whole-Brain Child</a></u>.
If you have, work with, or know children- I highly recommend it. I wish I were
being paid to promote it, but I’m not- it’s just genuine praise for this book.
The authors have written other books that I have purchased and am working on
reading in my incredibly limited free time, but I bet they're great, too.** </span><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></em></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-544465419436083802017-01-11T12:28:00.000-06:002017-01-11T12:29:02.124-06:00On Fear and Fostering<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc4-d9buV2-JmhyMAU5OwvZ1-kCgk2dmcBQ6xKiNjnivF6S84SVN6i3hbFKco2D5b4aPMmoYl4o4oJqKwZavXUEjTsu1wK-vGvBFlR3IrcrRopA-HVoRnSBhRRLmKNmTqiU1Vtmjrvvktx/s1600/On+Fear+and+Fostering-+AOTOL.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc4-d9buV2-JmhyMAU5OwvZ1-kCgk2dmcBQ6xKiNjnivF6S84SVN6i3hbFKco2D5b4aPMmoYl4o4oJqKwZavXUEjTsu1wK-vGvBFlR3IrcrRopA-HVoRnSBhRRLmKNmTqiU1Vtmjrvvktx/s640/On+Fear+and+Fostering-+AOTOL.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> When I was young, I- like many children- had dreams of becoming an actress. I wanted to be on Broadway, which I think surprises a lot of people because I tend to be somewhat reserved and don’t have an especially magnetic personality. It’s fine- I can embrace this fact about myself. I have an awkwardness I like to believe is endearing, but charisma? Not so much. Nonetheless, an actress I wanted to be- so much so that I asked for an agent for birthdays and Christmases for years, which probably </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">never</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> annoyed my parents at all. There was something about inhabiting another person and living her story that I </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">loved.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-12710f4a-8eb4-5ef2-2673-b66f8fafddb2"><span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 18px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It started in 8</span><span style="vertical-align: super; white-space: pre-wrap;">th</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> grade with </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Great Bear of Orange</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Great Bear of Orange</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> was a brief, one-act show in which I slayed as the evil witch- a part I received because I was the only student willing to let go of my middle school inhibitions and self-consciousness long enough to do the classic witch voice during auditions. I cared about being a star more than I cared about fitting in. Or maybe I thought it would help me fit in? Either way, I still remember what a rush it was to perform in front of an audience- even one as apathetic as a room full of middle schoolers forced by their teachers to be there.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY4v9F1cab68GRH3n5gL6o31BG9HaR3kzoMdKQtV2jMv4d7DiYfBz69LXJZ3k9AAKeOj6K2BcUNuR_oH-xzgD8eMgzZUhDg9hoSVbz9-2_DxHN6xAuqY24_ZkZWyAG9zxRiALy8Yr1qLd3/s1600/AOTOL1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY4v9F1cab68GRH3n5gL6o31BG9HaR3kzoMdKQtV2jMv4d7DiYfBz69LXJZ3k9AAKeOj6K2BcUNuR_oH-xzgD8eMgzZUhDg9hoSVbz9-2_DxHN6xAuqY24_ZkZWyAG9zxRiALy8Yr1qLd3/s320/AOTOL1.jpeg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Pretty sure I saw a few of these faces.</span></td></tr>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-12710f4a-8eaf-1878-62a0-ac620a1a993c"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I had this great dramatic monologue I gave while standing alone on the stage, which felt like such a big deal to me.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJhaz_Mk3Gh8DiXRLQF_Rzq6vF7BAZVL7-2xsxtZVeph92gPwt4doh4FFpoHYUm-SG86CUCLztvQXCOb1UIzVpavVTMKtK6jpUdBCDbqhkbwy1uMWZ5_19wqNYSDZYCZh9TjZj9PK3iyGd/s1600/AOTOL2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="331" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJhaz_Mk3Gh8DiXRLQF_Rzq6vF7BAZVL7-2xsxtZVeph92gPwt4doh4FFpoHYUm-SG86CUCLztvQXCOb1UIzVpavVTMKtK6jpUdBCDbqhkbwy1uMWZ5_19wqNYSDZYCZh9TjZj9PK3iyGd/s640/AOTOL2.gif" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Someone managed to capture the moment. But seriously- this is what it felt like.</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 18px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> To this day, I can remember some of it. “So Great Bear of Orange- you’ve managed to lure a fair maiden into your lair! You think you’re so crafty you can skin an eel?? I also will see she is well-cared for…” Unfortunately, the Great Bear messed up his lines and skipped over the entire thing during our </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">only</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> evening performance for parents and family. It was devastating, but I have found it in my heart to forgive and move on. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-12710f4a-8eaf-a8cc-fdc0-8d98f3e6b15b"></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mostly.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Anyway, the point is I loved acting. All of my free time in high school was split between theatre and youth group, and when I wasn’t doing either of those I was listening to Broadway soundtracks or performing them in the shower. (I’m sure you are already picking up on this, but I was obviously very cool and popular.) By my senior year, I decided I’d go to college to study musical theatre- every parents’ dream for their child. I auditioned (and was accepted, nbd) to programs at a few universities and ultimately decided to attend Baylor. (Sic ‘em!) But as high school drew to a close, I started to realize that my dream of Broadway was </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">big.</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> And hella risky. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> And that terrified me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It was right around that time that a small, fearful voice packed its bags and moved in with me, settling down and taking up more and more space (as we all do when we live somewhere for a while), growing and expanding until it became this loud, booming sound I couldn't really block out.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlN7b8M-YSKHKs0K5nH6LBnQWkco41B7Ys7qMIfQAHgcXLf274Nnx3Rg9Klqq7GCSP9D3NGt5mHqGCmIkhSou10XHMWSDzLuxdms0fwLXSQ1YWPWVz0YTJenC3zo_IlZHLszMUCtE6Qy1w/s1600/AOTL4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlN7b8M-YSKHKs0K5nH6LBnQWkco41B7Ys7qMIfQAHgcXLf274Nnx3Rg9Klqq7GCSP9D3NGt5mHqGCmIkhSou10XHMWSDzLuxdms0fwLXSQ1YWPWVz0YTJenC3zo_IlZHLszMUCtE6Qy1w/s400/AOTL4.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">It grew kind of like this, except doing so wasn't particularly helpful in defeating Bowser.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> So I spent a lot of time listening to it. Fear told me all too often that I probably wasn't enough for that dream of mine, and it's easy to believe anything you're told so confidently and consistently. I started questioning whether I was pretty enough or had a good enough voice, I started over-analyzing every part I didn’t get, and suddenly I was unsure if I had any talent at all. (You’d think being accepted into theatre programs would have quieted the fear, but it didn’t- that’s how quickly it grew and took over.) I showed up to college so afraid and certain of my own failure that, during the first week of classes, I sat in my dorm room late at night and changed my major as I cried over my keyboard. (To elementary education, which also did not work out, but for very different reasons.)</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-12710f4a-8eb6-216c-0aea-2a8e6d2025b4" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> As sad as that moment in my life was, I am not sorry it happened. (Although, real talk, I do feel a little sad when I see a show and wonder if it could be me onstage.) If I hadn’t made that decision then, my life would probably look </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">very</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> different now- and I am pretty happy with the life I have going on. Mom to the cutest 2 year old in the world? I think that surpasses all the Tony’s I would </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clearly</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> have won by this point.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I’m not sharing this story to bum anyone out- or to casually inform any potential readers about my hidden talent. (Unless anyone reading this is a casting director looking for an inexperienced actress for a new hit musical. If that’s the case, call me.) I bring it up because, over the last two and a half years, a lot of people have heard my story and generously referred to me as “brave.” It always makes me laugh a bit, because, in all honesty, I have never in my life considered myself to be a brave person. When I was young, my dad made me practice looking him in the eyes while I recited the alphabet because just </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">talking</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to people made me nervous.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> The truth is, I’ve spent a lot of my life being afraid. And on far too many occasions I’ve allowed fear to make decisions for me. (And some of them have been big, important decisions.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 18px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's hard to look back on those moments, but these days I feel differently about myself. The Kaley of right now could look anybody in the eyes and confidently say, “I am very, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia"; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">very</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> brave.” I think that’s partially because age and experience have a tendency to give us a new understanding of who we are, but mostly I think it’s because being a foster parent- especially this time around with two older and challenging boys- has given me a new understanding of what bravery is. As Nelson Mandela said, “</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-family: "georgia"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> For anyone who looks at me and sees any level of courage or thinks they could never do what I'm doing, I want to make something very clear: I am, quite often, terrified of this journey I’m on. There are times I feel afraid I’m not making the right parenting choices, times I fear I won’t make the right parenting choices ten years down the road, times I worry I’ll never achieve financial stability (I’m a single parent/social worker- dream combo), times I fear my decision to foster/adopt will doom me to permanent spinsterhood (this fear is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">real</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> from my spot in the Bible belt), times I fear how my decision to foster affects the people around me, times when I'm afraid my patience is about to run out completely, times I worry raising three boys will destroy my sanity, times when I go to bed so exhausted I fear I won’t be able to wake up and do this again the next day… This is list could go on for ages. Choosing to be a foster parent (and a parent in general) is just straight-up terrifying. There’s no getting around it.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /><span style="color: #131313; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Sometimes I feel as full of fear and self-doubt as my 18-year-old self, crying alone in her dorm room. But, unlike my 18-year-old self, </span><span style="color: #131313; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am no longer willing to let fear define my decisions and actions</span><span style="color: #131313; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> That's the point I reached in 2014, when I decided to begin my journey as a foster parent. I knew it was something I wanted to do, but always said it would be down the road when I was older and settled down. Then I realized how significant the need was in my community. (If you want to hear more about that discovery, I talk about it in </span><a href="http://www.thearchibaldproject.com/podcast/kaley-eggers" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this episode of the Archibald Project's Podcast</span></a><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.) </span><br />
<span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> In that moment (and in many moments throughout the licensing process) I was faced with two choices: one that would give in to fear and be easy and safe and lead to me watching Netflix far too often; another that would embrace fear and be terrifying and vulnerable and (hopefully) allow me to make a positive impact on the world. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #131313; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia";"> </span></span><span style="color: #131313; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fueled by passion and a strong sense of social justice, I decided to go with the second option, plowing forward to set up meetings with local agencies and begin the work to get licensed.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> But soon afterward fear showed back up, and there were definitely times when I almost caved. One day I convinced myself I wasn't ready to be a foster mom, so I took a "break" from the licensure process that I initially intended to last forever. Or at least for 20 years.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I thought I would feel a sense of relief and peace after quitting, but I felt surprisingly unsettled. I spent time seeking counsel from family and friends, praying and trying to figure out what I should actually do. In that time of uncertainty, I realized something important:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I needed to make the decision- then and </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">repeatedly</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> for the rest of my life- to let the potential for good outweigh my fear. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I had to let the voice of hope, optimism and opportunity be louder. (Or at least choose to listen to it more than I listened to fear.)</span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Good words from Gandalf</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">.</span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-adYBx2PeDjCjRm2ILqAfU7mbuLhmoL5CFq96e-OY0tDpmQb417VjKnK3brvTseui0Y94IxIu6SjaBNKNARpIll4Dsdf-kpsnsj-zgNp2utOZdPiukm5hNbCfFKrw6bO8x0MvzJnE8Okq/s1600/AOTOL3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #131313; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> That's not to say I don't allow fear to </span><span style="color: #131313; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">inform</span><span style="color: #131313; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> my decisions and actions. I’ve discovered it's an important thing to acknowledge because A) it’s a real feeling, and B) it helps me recognize what’s important. Listening to fear makes me very aware of what I value, as well as what my strengths and areas for growth are. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I don’t want to pretend my fear doesn’t exist, but I also don’t want to allow it to control my life. </span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2b29f8cb-8e92-9cef-d57a-777d08ca37d4" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I refuse to let fear prevent me from living a rich and meaningful life spent doing big and crazy things that just might make a difference in the world.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Life is just too short- and <i>far</i> too important.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> So please know as you read my blog or look at my photos or watch me on Fixer Upper- I am far from fearless. And that’s okay.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> And it’s okay if you’re not fearless.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I mean, kudos to you if you are- I am in awe of you. But if you’re like me (as I suspect most people are), remember that your fear doesn’t need to define what you do or who you are. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can still choose courage</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #131313; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">- even when doing so feels scary and crazy and makes very little logical sense.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-45234234537893483642016-12-23T13:16:00.000-06:002016-12-23T13:16:05.757-06:00And Then There Were Three<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm back! (Again!)</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTqCxd1h7cJbUvUqN3X7qFF-z_CL-EqnxuocL5IoOjXIK89LpWQbibWmFJAjhykRDHW71Y9s2o3_ZsR7dsUQaWPojK_i4d7-hiDzCJ6cnYTTaORdvlotOD3QR2ohW7IAMUU7PIiM8h2EaL/s1600/tumblr_mma8ypR4BK1r6fshmo3_r1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="339" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTqCxd1h7cJbUvUqN3X7qFF-z_CL-EqnxuocL5IoOjXIK89LpWQbibWmFJAjhykRDHW71Y9s2o3_ZsR7dsUQaWPojK_i4d7-hiDzCJ6cnYTTaORdvlotOD3QR2ohW7IAMUU7PIiM8h2EaL/s640/tumblr_mma8ypR4BK1r6fshmo3_r1_500.gif" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Two weeks after I adopted J-Bear, I sat down and started a post explaining what was next for us. I wanted to update any interested readers on the fact that we were going to take a few months to rest (and get re-licensed) before becoming an active foster family again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And then the Summer of 2016 happened, and let me tell you- it was a doozy. (Which seems to be true of most of this year, doesn't it? It's a good thing it was the year of J-Bear's adoption, otherwise it'd be a total bust. Hope you've been taking notes, 2017, because you're going to have to take it up a notch or ten.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Long story short- that post is currently sitting unfinished in my draft folder. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But as 2016 winds down and I gear up for all of the New Year's Resolutions I want to uphold in 2017 (at least for a few weeks), I decided I should dust off the old keyboard and bring this blog back. I've missed writing. And, frankly, I need the outlet these days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me catch you up on what's been going on in the past 2 months in case you haven't seen on Instagram:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In September, J-Bear turned 2, and let me tell you- boy entered toddlerhood at full force. He's as strong-willed as he is adorable. And he's really, really adorable. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In October, our home was officially re-listed as an active foster home.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">About one week later, I received a call about a placement- a 12 year old boy.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">About one hour after that, said 12-year-old boy (T) showed up at my front door.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Approximately 12 hours after that, I spent the day frantically trying to prepare for life with a pre-teen boy: getting clothes, enrolling him in school, and buying as much food as I could possibly jam into my pantry. (I have to keep a <i>lot</i> more food on hand these days.) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then life with T began. And it's been.... interesting. Twelve year-old-children are fascinating and fun and exhausting, as it turns out. They are fairly needy, but in a totally different way than two-year-olds. So between T and J-Bear, I have my hands pretty full. </span></li>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheSaGIhbtCf2Ovqe388_DgQI6VLOmXuW8wn3_R3eo9Cmihrd95Wa7cvkopU-d47czN1aWC9tlqzR0I_hqp6rg5eKbFy06l8KpXmotZf3UvQqAstwuQCWlPyv2Z5yQmcsWDYgfv-RdOl26O/s1600/i-wanna-take-a-nap.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheSaGIhbtCf2Ovqe388_DgQI6VLOmXuW8wn3_R3eo9Cmihrd95Wa7cvkopU-d47czN1aWC9tlqzR0I_hqp6rg5eKbFy06l8KpXmotZf3UvQqAstwuQCWlPyv2Z5yQmcsWDYgfv-RdOl26O/s640/i-wanna-take-a-nap.gif" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Have I used this gif before? Because it's pretty much my life.</span></td></tr>
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<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">About 6 weeks later (and one week ago), I went to a court hearing and discovered that T's siblings were being moved to new foster homes. Due to licensing constraints, the children couldn't all be together initially- there wasn't a home available that could take them all in. But now one sibling was about to be moved into a new and different home by himself. And I just couldn't let that happen- it didn't feel like it would be good for any of the kids. So I jumped in and said he should stay with us. Because, really, he should. We have an extra bed. And his brother is here. And it's the holidays. And what's one more kid in the house, anyway?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">About two hours later, I was sitting in a meeting when the gravity of what I'd just agreed to do began to dawn on me. I freaked out a little (or lotta) bit. I was already outnumbered- could I really handle adding another kiddo into the mix?? </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The next day, T2 arrived. He is sweet and sensitive and sometimes a handful, but it's been wonderful to see these boys care for and support each other. (It's been less wonderful to see them fight over little things, but as a person with five siblings, I can relate to it.)</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now we're kind of sort of maybe a little bit starting to get into the groove of being a family of four. There have been may moments I wanted to pull my hair out, but so far I've managed to overcome that urge, and we're all surviving and doing well. Even in this hectic holiday season! We've been surrounded by so much love and support, which has been a tremendous gift in the midst of this transition and season. I mean, I welcomed a new kiddo two weeks before Christmas, and I didn't have to do <u>any</u> extra shopping! That is the definition of #blessed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">After the holidays, we have no idea what the future holds. We are hopeful the boys' stay will be temporary as family reunification is the ultimate goal, but in the meantime, I'm going to do my best to love them as much and as well as I can. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I will write. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I have time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As always, thank you for journeying with us on this adventure! And from our hectic family to yours- happy holidays!!</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-80146297726331603932016-05-26T14:30:00.003-05:002016-05-26T14:30:18.351-05:00It's Official <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZJG4Sf6no3MthJvNOa0xmhwvi74SVGarXiXxdAf-eqmYDY91PSMN6W2aXIpfiWxT4HzV01GWCWUZixZQCYRDtC-Uy5mZdvN_O1sGkQzyt_LrjX8QVRss0jlCVqJpFyqtbaI3qart5EEUN/s1600/Official.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="484" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZJG4Sf6no3MthJvNOa0xmhwvi74SVGarXiXxdAf-eqmYDY91PSMN6W2aXIpfiWxT4HzV01GWCWUZixZQCYRDtC-Uy5mZdvN_O1sGkQzyt_LrjX8QVRss0jlCVqJpFyqtbaI3qart5EEUN/s640/Official.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am so behind on writing this post, and probably everyone
that follows this blog already knows, but…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s official.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It still feels so surreal- in part, perhaps, because I didn't really expect it to happen then and there. I assumed that the judge would want some time to deliberate after hearing our case, but </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">one week (almost exactly), my son </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">officially </i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">legally</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> became my son. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In reality, he’s been my son for 20 months, so, in terms of
our day-to-day life, very little has changed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His name changed, which is really exciting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But we still wake up and scramble to get ready for work/day
care. We still come home and play with all of his trucks. We still spend a lot
of time snuggling, reading, and laughing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I still love him as much as I did when I first laid
eyes on him. (Actually, I love him as much as I did when I received the
first phone call about him.) That love has evolved and become more nuanced,
of course, but it is still so big it overwhelms my heart and brings me to tears if
I stop and think about it. (Seriously.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just feel so, unimaginably lucky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s amazing to think back to 2 years ago- when I questioned
my decision to be a foster parent and wondered if I was really ready for the commitment.
At the time, I had no intentions of adoption. I signed up with an agency that
didn’t even <i>do</i> adoptions! They were strictly focused on foster care, and so- I
thought- was I. I knew it was possible I <i>might</i> have the option to adopt a child in
my care at some point down the road, but I was in no way expecting it to actually
happen. I remember saying to friends, "I mean, I want to be able to think about it if adoption ever becomes an option, but I really doubt that would happen any time soon."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yet here we are today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s amazing how much love can change our lives. And change us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I really am forever grateful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1RmnR4iBADujE8q-A4hEZN6bK1f39WUBiR2zJBVhrK1YPbJ0t9DchN4RbcdXqwVdfMehprJo6PSXEi4cuB8JgcqX6DdkkFtofvBrRXvaMx9qnA_L_nJ2hI0I_2ScUaoVhDPoZsyxhMuNj/s1600/Celebration.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1RmnR4iBADujE8q-A4hEZN6bK1f39WUBiR2zJBVhrK1YPbJ0t9DchN4RbcdXqwVdfMehprJo6PSXEi4cuB8JgcqX6DdkkFtofvBrRXvaMx9qnA_L_nJ2hI0I_2ScUaoVhDPoZsyxhMuNj/s400/Celebration.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He has a face!<br />Here we are with our lawyer, the judge who made it official, and just celebrating life. </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIuT9q4OgjmXx41gtZtM1Gf27HcQ58ou5n8OqEEmi3y8nhl6cQ4CcVYf3Ur1nw6Cee-oipOBF3R19ZxwoZ94ibmx-cpFixQ1VsmX2HqFfssFAlO14226LjobpV03sAk2Ui8l9wQHFYJjFb/s1600/Family.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIuT9q4OgjmXx41gtZtM1Gf27HcQ58ou5n8OqEEmi3y8nhl6cQ4CcVYf3Ur1nw6Cee-oipOBF3R19ZxwoZ94ibmx-cpFixQ1VsmX2HqFfssFAlO14226LjobpV03sAk2Ui8l9wQHFYJjFb/s400/Family.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Us with my sister and mom. J was pretty focused on the trucks driving by.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-19548004003181449832016-05-12T11:00:00.000-05:002016-05-12T11:00:18.583-05:00One Week. Maybe.<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF3CC5WxtPUffwfNzVc7_KjQZXhGDd6pIc4K7fwsTdlE9jbfjouEeK3Mq6KZLSLh47xDJQJj9jT1TEhiErxkqYPbewTrQ6IoEQ2eVjy-UEaT3Xf5cIi-cXvX6bTL6-T-1wDln8trxI3t2g/s1600/IMG_9833.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF3CC5WxtPUffwfNzVc7_KjQZXhGDd6pIc4K7fwsTdlE9jbfjouEeK3Mq6KZLSLh47xDJQJj9jT1TEhiErxkqYPbewTrQ6IoEQ2eVjy-UEaT3Xf5cIi-cXvX6bTL6-T-1wDln8trxI3t2g/s640/IMG_9833.JPG" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well... we're one week out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hopefully. Maybe. We'll see.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A lot of people have asked me how I'm feeling with our court date being so close, but honestly- I haven't been thinking about it that much. Thinking about the adoption generally? The relief I'll feel when I'm J-Bear's official mom? The excitement of getting to share good news with friends and family? Yes. Constantly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But the court date itself? Not so much. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Really, I've been trying <i><u>not</u></i> to think too much about it- because I don't want to <i>worry</i> too much about it. Or set myself up for too much disappointment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Even now- seven days out- things are still so uncertain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There's a chance that- by the end of the day next Thursday- the government will recognize me as my son's mom.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There's also a chance our hearing won't happen at all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Or it will happen, but the judge will request additional time to make her decision.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Or she will want us to gather more information.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Or probably some other scenario I haven't thought of. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There's no telling. But I'm definitely hoping for the 1st option. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Honestly, though, right now I feel pretty content in this waiting stage. While I certainly don't want to be in it forever, I have a sense that what I'm hoping will happen will in fact happen- it's just a matter of when. Obviously, I don't know that for sure. But I am hopeful and optimistic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the meantime, I've been trying to focus just on what I can control in the present. I don't want to worry so much about the "what's next" that I miss what's right in front of me. So I'm taking it day by day, trying not to dwell too much on next Thursday specifically, and feeling a somewhat surprising amount of peace.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now, if you check in with me on Wednesday, I might be a little more like Leslie Knope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx_Czg22S5wwB-9jl8Te2Dd7c8uTA6zBduvR8Q4M7BMGO6Y5L6uRskXrOdVYciMOtDrbOHDVAz-XaKZ198mckG2aIRX5zzKZdT6mDaptEye3drV7wpGZh5ywbZKaGBMGGgxGf8Td2m15WR/s1600/brink.gif" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="383" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx_Czg22S5wwB-9jl8Te2Dd7c8uTA6zBduvR8Q4M7BMGO6Y5L6uRskXrOdVYciMOtDrbOHDVAz-XaKZ198mckG2aIRX5zzKZdT6mDaptEye3drV7wpGZh5ywbZKaGBMGGgxGf8Td2m15WR/s400/brink.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But right now- today- I am holding up well. And choosing to practice gratitude- for my time with J-Bear, our story together, the exciting things that are yet to come, and for all the people (like you) who care about our journey. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Thanks for venturing with us. Hopefully I'll have some more news soon.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-79535763124448813912016-05-05T12:42:00.000-05:002016-05-05T12:42:19.302-05:005 Ways to Participate in Foster Care Awareness Month<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hello, dear readers!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m finally feeling better after last week’s sickness-
although my ear is still ringing a bit after an ear infection. Is that normal?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In any case, I’m a few days late on this, but it’s
officially National Foster Care Awareness Month! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img height="360" src="http://66.media.tumblr.com/632b2603278412e8381309d60eb1d078/tumblr_njr9nvsWeW1si3gq6o1_r1_500.gif" style="-webkit-user-select: none;" width="640" /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Foster Care Awareness Month began in 1988, with President
Reagan, and has been celebrated every year since. <a href="http://www.nationalfostercare.org/national-foster-care-month.html" target="_blank">According to the National Foster Care Coalition</a>, the main goals of this month are to:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Raise awareness about the
magnitude of the issue and the urgent and sustaining needs of children and
older youth in foster care and their families;<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Issue a national call-to-action
that motivates, inspires and facilitates many more Americans to come
forward and help change a lifetime for a young person in foster care; and,<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Develop a positive framework
for maintaining visibility and interest in the foster care issue to
support the year-round efforts of the National Foster Care Month Partner
organizations and other child welfare agencies.<span style="color: #666666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Obviously the needs of youth in care, their
biological families, foster families, and foster care workers extend far beyond
the month of May, but these 31 days provide a great opportunity to focus our attention
on this year-round issue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">At this point, you may be asking yourself, “Okay, so I know it’s
Foster Care Awareness Month. Now what?” To which I would say, “I’m so glad you asked!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It’s hard to know what to <i><u>do</u></i> once you find out a month is dedicated to raising awareness for
something. And, let’s face it, that’s pretty much every month of the year. Honestly, each
month is dedicated to commemorating a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_commemorative_months" target="_blank"><i>lot</i> of things</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, to this one from being lost in the
shuffle, I wanted to create a list of tangible ways you can participate in Foster Care
Awareness Month.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, without further ado…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIIXknJvlS47PaQixVAacs4ndk_nNgyechUVvNkJd_FV2_xlkT5SiPs33OtrJ8qx9Eb3y4OYS9G_d6E2rXGs3TEukaOO5xKJT2CaWWLzWWwYuT5sO8L83NRS2aE35_m8mzM5nnQ1wPBWca/s1600/5+Ways+to+participate+in+Foster+Care+Awareness+Month.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIIXknJvlS47PaQixVAacs4ndk_nNgyechUVvNkJd_FV2_xlkT5SiPs33OtrJ8qx9Eb3y4OYS9G_d6E2rXGs3TEukaOO5xKJT2CaWWLzWWwYuT5sO8L83NRS2aE35_m8mzM5nnQ1wPBWca/s640/5+Ways+to+participate+in+Foster+Care+Awareness+Month.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>1. <u>Wear a blue ribbon</u></b>- and be prepared to talk to people when
they ask you about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img height="200" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71F2n3MydTL._SY355_.jpg" style="-webkit-user-select: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="200" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Pick up some blue ribbon from a local craft store, pin it to your shirt, and voila- you're set!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If anyone comes up to you and says, "Hey- what's that ribbon for?", you have a perfect opportunity to correct their grammar. But instead, stay on focus and use it as an opportunity to tell them about how over 400,000 children are currently waiting in our foster care system. You can talk to them about foster care in your area, you can tell them about ways to get involved, you can even talk to them about a specific issue within foster care that concerns you- like <a href="http://www.jimcaseyyouth.org/about/aging-out" target="_blank">kids aging out of the system</a>. A little blue ribbon can be a great catalyst for conversations and awareness. </span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>2. <u>Learn something new about foster care/the needs of children and families</u>.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Whether or not your little blue ribbon starts big conversations, it's important for all of us- as U.S. citizens and human beings in general- to be aware of the issue of foster care in our nation. Because it's a big deal. Did I mention that over 400,000 children are currently in care? And that number is growing each year. It's important for us to be informed about why that is and what we can do about it. With that being said, here are some ways to learn more- not just about foster care, but about the broader issues impacting children and families (and therefore impacting foster care):</span></li>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/fostercaremonth/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Child Welfare Information Gateway</span></a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.aecf.org/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Annie Casey Foundation</span></a></li>
<ul>
<li><a href="http://datacenter.kidscount.org/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Kids Count Data Center</span></a></li>
</ul>
<li><a href="http://www.nationalfostercare.org/about-nfcc.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The National Foster Care Coalition</span></a></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://child.tcu.edu/resources/articles/" target="_blank">The TCU Institute of Child Development</a> (A great resource if you want to become familiar with the needs to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe-BkHUVGQ4" target="_blank">children who have experienced trauma</a>)</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You can watch <a href="http://child.tcu.edu/resources/videos/" target="_blank">videos that introduce TBRI </a>(an intervention to support children), or even read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001" target="_blank">a book by Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cross</a> (I highly recommend it)</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>3. <u>Share what you learn with others</u>.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Easy enough, right? Share some of your new-found knowledge on your Facebook, Instagram, blog, in your conversations. However you can spread awareness and share information- do it. Because it matters!</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>4. <u>Read some of the stories of foster care</u>.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<img src="http://whateverblog.dallasnewsblogs.com/files/2015/01/gif-read.gif" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you have an Instagram account, search the hashtag "#knittogetherbyadoption". There's an account that started a Photo-a-Day challenge for the month, asking foster families to share their stories day by day. People are sharing things like why they're involved with foster care, how they got involved, the joys and the grief that come along with that invovlement, etc. (I've been participating, and I'm much better at updating Instagram than this blog, so if you want more frequent updates, you may want to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/ukulelekaley/" target="_blank">check there</a>.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://www.thearchibaldproject.com/blog/" target="_blank">The Archibald Project</a> is a global orphan care advocacy organization. This month, they are sharing the stories of people involved with different areas of foster care. I'm pretty excited about it, and there's a chance they are featuring my story next week, so be sure to check it out!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is one of <i>many</i> blogs out there written by a foster parent. You could find lots of other great ones, and take the time to read and <i>engage</i> with them- leave comments or questions! I always love answering questions about my experience with foster care, and I dare say anyone who takes the time and energy to share theirs in a blog (even as inconsistently as myself) probably feels the same way.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This isn't reading, but here's a short <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on8r5TXKfYY" target="_blank">YouTube video</a> that shares some stories from foster care. I'd imagine there are many more like this floating around in the internet. (Although, as with most things on the internet, I'd imagine not all are great/accurate. So be warned.)</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>5. <u>Get involved!</u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’ve already
written <a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2016/03/ways-to-get-involved-with-foster-care.html" target="_blank">a list of ways to get involved with foster care</a>, but one extra thing
you could do this month is write a note to your local CPS office or a Child Placing
Agency. Guys- those people work hard. Some CPS workers have the unenviable job of
removing children from their homes- sometimes in the midst of dangerous
situations, and sometimes after hours (or in the middle of the night). As you
can imagine, that is a an emotionally draining responsibility. And while the
CPS system is certainly not without its flaws, many of its employees are investing so much of themselves in an effort to keep children and families in our communities safe. I doubt they get a
lot of thanks for it, so imagine what it would be like for them to receive a nice little
note in the mail! I bet that would go a long way for a worn-out office.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, now that you have some ideas, <u>go out and participate</u>! Get yourself a ribbon, peruse a few blogs, spend more time on Instagram... Whatever you choose, I hope you learn something new about foster care this month, and I hope that something gives you hope and encouragement about the future for children and families in your community!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><u>How will you join in Foster Care Awareness Month? Or how have you already gotten involved? Tell me about it below!</u></i></span></div>
<o:p></o:p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-33520970919771799792016-04-29T13:15:00.000-05:002016-04-29T13:15:27.579-05:00Excuse my absence, but it's Spring.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD_GWUtlqPuGQNeZZo7Igrh6LwkMpFXLmYNBR_zoOv23pYrrdueXqztTnunGVbneoRVwdCOQQvlOATzkbHOZ-h4cpPu2KM0UAUVGblJxB7TzhbJkGaD1nM6zLNCPsyWtmaZsTkJ_d1dZh1/s1600/Springtime.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="588" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD_GWUtlqPuGQNeZZo7Igrh6LwkMpFXLmYNBR_zoOv23pYrrdueXqztTnunGVbneoRVwdCOQQvlOATzkbHOZ-h4cpPu2KM0UAUVGblJxB7TzhbJkGaD1nM6zLNCPsyWtmaZsTkJ_d1dZh1/s640/Springtime.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I typed this, it occurred to me what an odd word Spring is. Think about it. Spring. That's the best we could come up with?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Welp, two weeks ago I
wrote about writing more.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And then life happened.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And by life I mean
seasonal allergies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They happened so much so,
in fact, that I wound up with both a sinus AND ear infection. Because
apparently adults can still get those.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I swear- since becoming a
mother, I have gotten sick more often than I ever did before. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And you know what? It is hella
hard being sick as a single mom. If I didn’t have rock star friends who were
willing to hang with Little Man while I lay miserably around, I don’t know what
I’d do. There are a lot of great people who care about us, and they have come
through for me over and over and over again. So shout out to them! Because they
are the best. Truly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/geYwtodB9AiI0/giphy.gif" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You know who you are.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My illness reached its peak
last weekend, so I decided to tough it out and fly solo during the evenings this
week. And, ultimately, I made it work. But man… it was tough. One day in
particular I got bad vertigo, which I’ve discovered can be a side effect of ear
infections. I also learned it's not as funny as Liza </span><span style="line-height: 18.4px;">Minnelli</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> makes it seem on Arrested Development. (Learning is so fun- yay!)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Suffice it to say, poor
J-Bear had to do a lot of independent play this week. And he
maybe had to do a few early bedtimes. Thank goodness he’s (usually) pretty easy going!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, long story short, I
didn’t get a lot of writing done this week. And by that I mostly mean I got
none done. I didn’t write at all. I was too busy running through boxes of
tissues like a boss.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img height="238" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/lHYCqFqNwZPSE/giphy.gif" width="400" /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But I’m starting to get a bit better, so I’m hoping to get back in the groove of things this
week. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I still have a few things
I want to write about, and I got some really great ideas from you guys! Thanks for that! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And then of course there’s
a pretty big life event possibly, <i>hopefully</i>,
happening in <b><u>20 days</u></b>. Nbd.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So forgive the absence.
All is well. I’ve just been pretty under the weather. If I had to write it as
an analogy, I’d say<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> the depths of the ocean :
the sun :: Kaley : the weather<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I’m allowed to be
that dramatic about it because I’m the one who’s been sick. (That's how it works, right?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thanks for sticking with
my in spite of my inconsistent writing! Hopefully I’ll have some more exciting
things to share soon!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In the meantime... All of you parents out there- how do you make it work when you're sick?? Do you have any tricks that work for you? I could use them for the next bug I catch.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-82618767705195032262016-04-14T13:55:00.002-05:002016-04-14T13:56:02.062-05:00Court Date?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUAgEP2tVZUXf3S59LOa3123qH0bUzlI8vhTGpgwg8zUb2F13nNHXevdmznXU5srz9UObl_k0NfKvRD3h-JMlYX1sbvlUPCFMkan1Vw-rojvazx71HrmVsmKPqJ-2zFUcjieSIZP972Dts/s1600/Court+Date.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="406" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUAgEP2tVZUXf3S59LOa3123qH0bUzlI8vhTGpgwg8zUb2F13nNHXevdmznXU5srz9UObl_k0NfKvRD3h-JMlYX1sbvlUPCFMkan1Vw-rojvazx71HrmVsmKPqJ-2zFUcjieSIZP972Dts/s640/Court+Date.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Normally I would segue into this post with a witty joke or a really hilarious gif. But that doesn't seem to fit this time.<br />
<br />
Sitting down to write this, I honestly paused, closed my eyes, and asked myself "what am I feeling, what am I feeling, what am I feeling?" I want to be able to communicate exactly what it is, but I have no clue how to describe it.<br />
<br />
When I was in graduate school, a professor once told me I needed to expand my "feelings vocabulary." Only in a social work program would a professor say that to you, but she definitely was right. And it still feels true now, because I cannot think of words that do this feeling justice. Maybe that's because it's not as much <i>a</i> feeling as a series of them all rolled up into one moment.<br />
<br />
It's a strange combination of excitement and fear and exhaustion and hope, and it just sort of feels like heaviness. Not a sad heaviness, but a heaviness that forces me to recognize the weight of what this update could mean- for me, for Little Man, for his biological mom, and for the people who care about us.<br />
<br />
In case you didn't see the picture or title of this post above, we have a court date set. But technically it is set with a question mark right now.<br />
<br />
May 19th (?)<br />
<br />
We are scheduled for an afternoon hearing, which means there's a chance we could get bumped if the morning session runs long. If that happens, we'll probably have to wait until late June for a new spot, because the court schedule is pretty full at the moment.<br />
<br />
So... that's where we are. With a court date sitting uncertainly on the horizon.<br />
<br />
In some ways, it's a relief to have something on the calendar. I mean- it's progress. Even if we do get postponed, it's close. But it's been a long process with a decent number of roadblocks, so it's hard to feel confident and settled right now.<br />
<br />
Oh, and there's also the fact that I don't really know what the outcome will be. That's still pretty scary.<br />
<br />
But, regardless, I feel hopeful.<br />
<br />
I could be an official, no-strings-attached, doesn't-need-approved-babysitters-or-medicine-logs mom in a little over a month.<br />
<br />
Or fairly soon afterward.<br />
<br />
It's getting real.<br />
<br />
We'll take all the prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes we can get in the weeks ahead, so feel free to send those our way! And, of course, I'll update when I have more information. Which I guess will be on May 19th.<br />
<br />
I mean, I'll share other updates here in the meantime, but they'll probably be about an assortment of other things. Things that will distract me from the waiting.<br />
<br />
So stay tuned, if you feel so inclined. And know I truly am so grateful you've chosen to be a part of our story!<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-54215377552275598002016-04-12T11:28:00.002-05:002016-04-12T11:29:17.327-05:00A Quick Confession<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHsp2_t2wsAXPRtZGHzkSIj-QIRPRXCy9mWFTGie-MnkfC_8tSqMcUxx86gynIw__CVpy9rjuAwGu2C79Wwt8TagBQQTCb9P_AGzw4Gr_TVZtLLbqs4LqAsNP03L7Y_8aEaYMhbkoYh0rk/s1600/IMG_9561.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHsp2_t2wsAXPRtZGHzkSIj-QIRPRXCy9mWFTGie-MnkfC_8tSqMcUxx86gynIw__CVpy9rjuAwGu2C79Wwt8TagBQQTCb9P_AGzw4Gr_TVZtLLbqs4LqAsNP03L7Y_8aEaYMhbkoYh0rk/s400/IMG_9561.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I just discovered this app called "Retype" and it makes me feel very artsy.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Can I admit something? I struggle to keep up with this blog.
And it’s not because I don’t <i>want</i> to
write- it’s usually just that I’m exhausted, which makes it hard for my brain to
fully comprehend the concept of investing in my own self-care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I <i>love</i> to write.
It’s so therapeutic for me. It helps me understand what I'm thinking and feeling, which is no small task some days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But it’s also hard. Hard in the sense that it often requires
a lot of mental and emotional energy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Whereas watching an episode of <i>30 Rock</i> for the 500<sup>th</sup>
time? That just requires a comfy couch and the ability to push a few buttons
on the remote. It’s a <i><b>lot</b></i> easier. And a lot more immediate. (Which why I
have approximately 50% of that series memorized. Second confession.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But- as much as I
love Tina Fey- watching Liz Lemon deal with the kooky antics of Tracy and Jenna doesn’t have quite the same long-term benefits of taking the time for-
and doing the work of- writing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I still love you, Tina. If you ever read this- call me. We should hang.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sometimes, in a moment of exhaustion (and/or laziness- let’s
be real), I make the choice to put on my favorite glittery sweatpants (they are real and just as glamorous as they sound), flop onto my couch, and turn on the TV.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I’m working on changing that habit. Because there a lot
of other things I’d rather be doing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have crafts to do. Music to learn. Books to read. Books to color. (Anyone else into <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/06/health/adult-coloring-books-popularity-mental-health/" target="_blank">adult coloring books</a>? Don't worry- they're not as scandalous as they sound.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And, of course, things to write.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Those activities might require more energy than a Netflix marathon,
but- usually- they <i>give</i> me more energy in return. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I’m going to work on this. Feel free to hold me to it.
Because, for realz- I need to do the work of self-care. (Sprinkled with the
occasional TV binge, because I’m human, after all, and Unbreakable Kimmy
Schmidt and Mindy Project will both be returning in a few days.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img height="358" src="https://45.media.tumblr.com/012f76010bb48b1a8da9b776431ef5aa/tumblr_nkvyj9eNKd1up4iaeo1_r1_500.gif" width="640" /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, as I make this commitment to write more, I'd love your feedback on what kinds of things you'd like to read about. I have a few ideas for some upcoming posts, but I'd love to hear what you want to know- about me,
foster parenting, life in Waco, etc.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let me know in the comments below. Or shoot me an email. Or
send me an owl.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Whatever. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’d love to get your thoughts and inspiration!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the meantime, stay tuned for some (hopefully) exciting
things coming your way soon!</span><br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-23570386879507136752016-03-22T21:28:00.001-05:002016-03-23T08:42:43.039-05:00My Letter to Ellen (2.0): A petition for Ellen to host a (Foster) Mother's Day show<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption">Just hanging with two of my BFFs on a totally normal hair day.</td></tr>
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If you know me well, you know that one of the beliefs I deeply and firmly cling to is this:<br />
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<b><u>Ellen DeGeneres can make anyone's dreams come true.</u></b><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Case in point: once she ordered 99 pizzas to feed some hungry celebs who were trapped for hours in theatre seating and probably uncomfortable formal-wear.</td></tr>
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Among some of my friends, there's an ongoing joke (or hope) that we all have one wish Ellen will grant us, so sometimes we talk about what that wish would be- getting feedback to make sure we're holding out for the right one. One friend in particular would ask her to get Matthew McConaughey, whose name I just had to Google to spell correctly (I wasn't even close) to his wedding. I feel like that's a pretty solid choice- MM could probably deliver a killer toast.<br />
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For a while, I had a few wishes I tossed around. My top three (in no particular order) were that she would:<br />
<ul>
<li>Set me up with Josh Groban (If he didn't steal your heart in his <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Axzxe1a78E" target="_blank">Best Tweets of Kanye West</a> bit on Jimmy Kimmel, check out his <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-41fbDYZyLo" target="_blank">Best Tweets of Donald Trump</a>.) </li>
<li> Secure a spot for me to audition for a Broadway show</li>
<li>Something normal- like a vacation</li>
</ul>
<img height="337" src="https://49.media.tumblr.com/5f0f0ae6f0bab58e2d91db78fd8ee7d5/tumblr_n1ue7672TJ1qlvwnco1_500.gif" style="text-align: center;" width="640" /><br />
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But these days things have changed. My sister recently broke the news that Josh Groban is in a pretty serious relationship, which I guess would make a blind date a little bit awkward. In terms of a Broadway audition- I have a child and house in Waco these days, so committing to rehearsal time in New York (because obviously I'd get the part*) would be pretty challenging. I'm not sure I have the skills to balance that kind of a schedule yet.<br />
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Obviously I'd still take a vacation (who wouldn't?), but since becoming a foster parent I have a new wish that takes priority.<br />
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If you've followed along on this blog for the past year- or if you just found it and have backtracked a bit- you know that last year I wrote <a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2015/02/my-letter-to-ellen.html" target="_blank">a letter to Ellen</a> asking her to dedicate
her annual Mother’s Day show to foster moms. The letter was kind of long, but the main reasons behind this wish were 1.) foster moms are awesome, and 2) it would be such a great way to promote foster care- during National
Foster Care Awareness month, no less! As great a a vacation would be, I can figure that wish out on my own. What I cannot do is magically expand my sphere of influence to match the level of Ellen's. She has such a positive impact on <i>so</i> many people, so for her to share the world of fostering with others would be incredible.<br />
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I don’t think my letter got very far last year, but I've decided writing one will now be my annual tradition in the hopes that, one day, she'll read it.<br />
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Obviously my personal experience makes me a little biased, but the concept of a Foster Mother's Day episode really just seems perfect to me. Ellen loves making the world a better place. Her last name has the word "generous" in it, for Pete's sake! Misspelled, perhaps, but all my last name has is the word "egg", so I'm pretty sure she still wins that one.<br />
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On top of that, her motto is "Be kind to one another," which is sort of like the unspoken motto of foster parents. And did I mention the episode falls during Foster Care Awareness month? Because it does. <o:p></o:p><br />
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So anyway- that's my wish these days. And I think it will always be my top wish- even if Josh Groban were single again. (No offense, Josh.)<br />
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So here’s my letter for this year.<br />
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<u>I’d love it if you
considered reading and sharing it.</u> As I said last year, if we’re
all just 7 degrees from Kevin Bacon, we have to be only 5 or 6 from Ellen. She
seems to know a lot of people.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Tweet out the link, post it on Instagram, share it 50 times on her Facebook page. Maybe if enough people share it enough times, she'll actually see it! (Or someone on her staff will, who would then maybe share it with her.) I'm all for beating the "third time's a charm" odds. Forget that noise- let's shoot for second time's a charm here.<br />
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Be sure to tag Ellen when applicable- and use the hashtags #BeKindToOneAnother and #FosterMoms4Ellen if you can squeeze them in there. Admittedly, I’m not
very savvy when it comes to social media, but from what I understand hashtags
are the best way for things to spread on the internet these days. (If that’s changed in the
last few years, please, someone let me know. I’m too young to be so out of the
loop with technology.) <o:p></o:p>(Also- I'm open to other hashtag ideas- I just couldn't think of any better/shorter ones.)<br />
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And if you happen to know Ellen personally, let me know.
I’ll give you a hand written version to pass along to her directly. <o:p></o:p><br />
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*For those of you who don't know me personally, it feels important for me to clarify that I was joking about me obviously getting a part in a Broadway show.</div>
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____________________________________________________________________________<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Hi Ellen!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My name is Kaley. I’m a 28-year-old social worker living in Waco, Texas, who
loves spending time with friends, music, crafts, coffee, sweatpants, and (obviously)
you. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m also a foster parent.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I could probably write a novel about why I became a foster parent and the journey it's been since then, but- to save us both time- I'm just going to give you the Spark Notes version. About 18 months ago, I got my foster care license, and a few weeks later I received my first placement- a newborn boy. And when I say
newborn, I mean 2 days old and straight from the hospital. While I’m still
surprised the hospital staff let me walk out of there with him (like most new parents, I
had no clue what I was doing), he's been with me ever since!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Having been a foster parent for only a year and half with one
placement, I’m still relatively inexperienced in the world of foster care. But
man… I have learned a lot. And I’ve gained so much respect for the people who
have committed to taking on this role- some of whom have been fostering longer than I’ve been alive. Can you imagine the impact they’ve made? Not just on the
children in their care, but in the world! It astounds me just thinking about it. And it’s one of the
things that makes this responsibility so beautiful and rewarding.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> But at the same time,
fostering is <i><u>challenging</u></i>-
emotionally, mentally, and even physically. (These days, I'm chasing after a surprisingly quick and clumsy toddler. It's exhausting.) As a foster parent, you open your heart up to so much love and joy,
which inevitably leaves it open to a lot of grief and pain. Fostering<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> <span style="color: #1a2935;"> requires a unique sense of vulnerability. You have to balance two very different truths, and figure out a
way to carry them both at the same time. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;">In one hand, you hold the truth that
these children are your own. You open up space for them in your home and heart,
and you care for them as if you gave them life and will walk with them through
it from start to finish. You love them completely and without condition.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;">But
then, in the other hand, you hold the truth that there’s another family out
there- one they could return to any day. You have to accept that, no matter how much
love you pour into them, they might not remember your name- or you at all-
years down the road.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;">And those are hard realities to
reconcile.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">If there is a way to love my son completely while still
protecting my heart from the grief of losing him, I haven’t figured it out yet.
But, despite the uncertainty and heartache, I hope to continue fostering
children- as so many parents around the country do- because there is such a
tremendo</span>us need, and I know this is one way I can do something about it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Which brings me to the purpose of this letter. Every May,
you have a wonderful Mother’s Day show where you celebrate women doing
something incredible- bringing a life into the world. Your audience is filled
with women who are proudly rocking their baby bumps; it’s seriously one of the best shows
of the year.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But over the past year and a half my eyes have been opened to the
many mothers out there whose stories aren’t always celebrated- or even shared.
From women who are led to foster care because they are unable (or choose not)
to have children biologically, to women who become foster moms just so kids can
experience safety and love before finding permanency with their biological or
adoptive family- there are many mothers out there who don’t necessarily bring
lives into the world, but they certainly work hard to make sure those lives
thrive. Their stories are complex and challenging, but they are also beautiful
and very much worth telling.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I think it would be amazing to host a Mother’s Day Show
celebrating these women. Not only
because they deserve it for the love they selflessly give, but because it would
inform millions of your viewers about a really important issue. Did you know
that in the United States, more than 400,000 children are living without
permanent families in the foster care system? And more children enter than
leave each year.* There are <i>so many things</i>- big and small- that your viewers
can do about this, but they may not even be aware of them. They could donate items to children in foster
care, volunteer with an organization that supports biological families working
toward reunification, register to provide respite care for foster families, or even
could become foster parents themselves.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I’ve been amazed by
how little most people seem to know about the reality of fostering. Many people
tell me, “I could never do that!” without having an accurate understanding of
what it’s like. I’ve become pretty passionate about changing people’s
misconceptions by being honest about my experience- both the joys and the
challenges- in my conversations and writing. But I know
your voice can carry a lot further than mine. I also know you choose to use it
to make a positive impact on the world- it’s one of the many reasons I admire
you. I know you can’t support every cause people point you toward, but I at
least wanted to ask you to support this one. May is actually National Foster
Care Awareness month, too, so it could be perfect!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m not sure if this will actually reach you, but, if it
does, I’d be so grateful if you’d even just consider this. Whether you think
about making a change to the Mother’s Day show (it might be too late for that;
I honestly have no clue how far in advance you guys prepare for each episode) or
share this information in some other way, I think it could make such a
difference for the kids across the country in need of safe homes and loving
families.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Regardless of whether or not this letter changes anything, I
am thankful for all you do to make the world a better place. You bring so much
joy to so many people, which is why you always make my list when I answer the
question: “What five people- dead or alive- would you invite to a dinner party?”
There’d be so much good conversation and dancing.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you for being kind.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">All the best,<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Kaley<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">(p.s.- I realize it may seem a little self-serving to make
this suggestion given the fact that I am a foster mom myself, but I would be
totally fine if you did this and I wasn't there- there are plenty of other foster
moms out there who could fill an audience.)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">(I mean, I wouldn’t complain if I was there, but I’d honestly be
beyond thrilled to see others there, too.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">*AFCARS report, 2015: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/trends_fostercare_adoption2014.pdf</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-64287268408328860092016-03-20T23:02:00.000-05:002016-03-21T12:49:46.501-05:00Adoption Status Update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3cZUrrIkZMBPGRyrIPtIrmO-U_uho5Lo_ZI9xCcWKob5DZXPAOCuo-PetNpM6LIYWYApobe3JU_AuAJbZUydtO9gOUGBoiU-X5Jr4Zl2hopcO636iBuV12KgCaXHagrjKFntIIBSzj0do/s1600/Adoption+update-+Adventures+of+the+Ordinary+Life.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3cZUrrIkZMBPGRyrIPtIrmO-U_uho5Lo_ZI9xCcWKob5DZXPAOCuo-PetNpM6LIYWYApobe3JU_AuAJbZUydtO9gOUGBoiU-X5Jr4Zl2hopcO636iBuV12KgCaXHagrjKFntIIBSzj0do/s640/Adoption+update-+Adventures+of+the+Ordinary+Life.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Wow! What a week it has been!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment--><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Our Fixer Upper episode aired on Tuesday
evening, and we have been flooded with such incredible support ever since!<!--EndFragment--> </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img alt="" aria-busy="true" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" src="https://scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10702104_10154706849504922_4628704402046773977_n.jpg?oh=7e489d66e75eda0b33a992e531f7bac8&oe=57891FFB" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Fun fact- before I went to the farm for this meeting, I a) sloppily trimmed my own bangs and b) discovered my car was broken into overnight. In case the person who stole my old iPod is reading this- that thing is too old to be worth much, so if you could return it, that'd be great. It stored my entire collection of Celine Dion's greatest hits, so my in-car karaoke has suffered tremendously.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img alt="" aria-busy="true" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" src="https://scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/10290081_10102565487379613_8568485883914938624_n.jpg?oh=ebe353a000b5245c8513459b186e9171&oe=574CD738" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Another fun fact- despite the smile on the left-me's face above, I was a nervous wreck watching myself on TV. I think I'm going to write about it sometime, because seriously- it was crazy.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Honestly, I’ve been shown tremendous love and kindness since
the very beginning of this Fixer Upper adventure. Obviously there were Chip, Jo and their
incredible team- who put such passion and thoughtfulness into designing my
home. Then there was the crew, all of whom were incredibly encouraging and
gracious- in spite of my awkwardness while filming. </span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.theautodidactintheattic.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/IT-Crowd-Act-Normal-02.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" src="http://www.theautodidactintheattic.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/IT-Crowd-Act-Normal-02.gif" height="361" style="-webkit-user-select: none; display: block; margin-top: auto;" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Just to be clear- I'm the three guys in this scenario.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then there was my sister and friends organizing the GoFundMe to help cover renovation and adoption costs. (If you saw the episode, let me just tell you- that surprise was real. I
was so confused and overwhelmed by it in the moment, and I am still trying to
wrap my mind around it- so many feelings!) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And then there are the thousands of
people who have taken the time to follow our story here and/or <a href="https://www.instagram.com/ukulelekaley/" target="_blank">on Instagram</a>,
many of whom have left such kind comments or sent thoughtful messages. And
honestly- that means so much to me. </span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz3u9azh5h1rn95k2o1_250.gif" height="480" style="-webkit-user-select: none; display: block; margin: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Seriously, though.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The fact that thousands of people I’ve never met saw me for
about 15 minutes on an episode of Fixer Upper and decided my life with Little
Man is worth investing in- it’s incredibly humbling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I once heard a quote from Scott Adams (the cartoonist who
created <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dilbert</i>, of all people) that
says, “Remember, there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act
creates a ripple <i>with no logical end</i>.” That has become so evident to me in the
past 6 days. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So thank you. And please know that your kindness has not
gone unnoticed or unappreciated. I am so, so grateful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In a lot of the comments <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and messages I’ve received, people have asked whether
or not I’ve been able to adopt Little Man yet, so I wanted to write a quick
post to catch everyone up on where things stand currently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But first I’ll have to rewind a little bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When I picked Little Man of from the hospital almost 18
months ago, I thought he would only be with me for a few months- four at most.
But, without going into too much detail about his biological family’s story,
things started to shift as the months passed. While they still hoped to be reunified with him, the reality of that being possible seemed less and less likely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now in a “normal” foster care situation, CPS would be
involved and assessing the likelihood of re-establishing permanency with the
biological family. They are actually required to hold permanency hearings within a
child’s first year in care. However, Little Man was placed voluntarily, so CPS
isn’t involved at all- meaning there’s no one who is obligated or able to advocate for
legal action at this point. Except for me, that is. I wrote a little bit about
this decision in a <a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2016/03/a-big-time-update.html" target="_blank">previous post</a>, but- long story short- I contacted a lawyer to
begin the process at the end of last summer. And, although in some ways it
seems like a fairly cut and dry case, we’ve hit a lot of road bumps. Naively, I
didn’t except the process to take this long. But we’re still in the midst of
it, and we don’t have a clear end date in sight. (I am hoping it could be
sometime this summer, but it seems like any amount of progress we make is immediately met with new
roadblocks, so there are no guarantees.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So for now, we’re waiting. We’ve met with the ad litem,
completed the adoption home study, and taken all the steps we can at this
point, so we’re really just stuck until the next door opens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It’s frustrating to feel powerless in these moments. But it makes
the support and encouragement we’ve received in the past week all the more
meaningful to me right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers in the days
ahead. I’m working on being patient, and trying to live in the moment with gratitude rather than wishing the next one would just hurry up and get here already. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And please keep Little Man’s biological family in your
thoughts and prayers, as well. Little Man and I pray for them every night, and we ask they’d
be filled with courage, comfort, strength and hope. The grief this process will
inevitably cause for them- regardless of the final ruling- is not lost on me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I will, of course, continue to update here when there is
progress, so if you want to keep up with it, be sure to follow me here or
Instagram. Or just bookmark this and come back periodically if that’s more your
style. You do you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Again- <b><u>thank you</u></b> for journeying with us while we wait in the days and months ahead. As long as they sometimes feel, I know they are short. And there truly
aren’t enough words to describe how grateful I am for your presence in the
midst of them.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-65891283667842589852016-03-14T23:34:00.000-05:002016-03-14T23:34:18.355-05:00Ways to Get Involved with Foster Care<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I love being a foster parent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Although I’m still relatively inexperienced (I’ve had one
placement for about 18 months) I know it’s something I want to continue doing.
Not only because I am passionate about working with children and families, but
because there is such a tremendous- and often unnoticed- need in our country.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> In the United States,
over <a href="http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/trends_fostercare_adoption2014.pdf" target="_blank">400,000 children are in foster care</a> (in 2014, 650,000 children spent time
in the system), and more kids enter than leave each year. The average “length
of stay” for each child is about <a href="http://www.childrensrights.org/newsroom/fact-sheets/foster-care/" target="_blank">two years</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwGB3INbuZq3yfCOqsarPPnRa99iTdj1v9sx4p0G6hwpFY7fgsjKmAXW-GnaugI0RUSBJvb3ABVMqVK0boWpzWkostYCYzwOEI4dWLGXjnfazJV-9zmA2IYFKteSVaRgnMrJM1c8qPydMH/s1600/ExcuseMe.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwGB3INbuZq3yfCOqsarPPnRa99iTdj1v9sx4p0G6hwpFY7fgsjKmAXW-GnaugI0RUSBJvb3ABVMqVK0boWpzWkostYCYzwOEI4dWLGXjnfazJV-9zmA2IYFKteSVaRgnMrJM1c8qPydMH/s640/ExcuseMe.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It's true. And it can’t be ignored- those numbers are a call to action. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Unfortunately, though, oftentimes people don’t
get involved with foster care because they don’t know where to start. It may
seem like it’s an all or nothing kind of thing- you become a foster parent or
you don’t. But choosing to foster is just one of <i><u>so many</u> </i>ways people can help; there are a number of others that
don’t require such a high level of commitment. As much as I love fostering, I realize it's not for everyone. So in an effort to highlight other opportunities, I've compiled a list of ways people can get involved- in big or small ways, across long or
short periods of time, with a lot or just a few resources.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you are interested in getting involved with foster care on some level, I hope it’s helpful- and I hope it opens your eyes to new ways to
care for children and families in your community! If you have or want to try
any of these things- or if you have questions about them- I’d love to hear
them, so please feel free to leave a comment below!</span></div>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrcnWsFNQED9Z3e5GOrG2Pspzuduz-V1BS3WGn8gj5yT4UFfGP2tdW6f6Wxj-3Grd9NwvjzN3wlHYZ_4bRNBkf8h1MwJfT_JnjKsiPdzvKF5HlXdVs-u6a9fjCXzgwdhEt5hXcAicIZceB/s1600/Ways+to+get+involved+with+foster+care3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrcnWsFNQED9Z3e5GOrG2Pspzuduz-V1BS3WGn8gj5yT4UFfGP2tdW6f6Wxj-3Grd9NwvjzN3wlHYZ_4bRNBkf8h1MwJfT_JnjKsiPdzvKF5HlXdVs-u6a9fjCXzgwdhEt5hXcAicIZceB/s640/Ways+to+get+involved+with+foster+care3.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">·<span style="font-stretch: normal;"> </span><u>Be an advocate</u></span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you have limited time and resources, you can still be
involved! Get informed about foster care, and share the information you learn
with others! Whether it’s conversation around the water cooler or phone calls
to state representatives, advocacy is important. Encouraging <u>awareness</u>
as well as involvement is powerful- and it makes a big difference!</span></li>
</ul>
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<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></u>
<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Support biological families<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Most biological families involved with foster care are
working hard to be reunited with their children, but the cards are sometimes
stacked against them. (I wrote a <span style="background-color: white;"><a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2015/05/my-sons-other-mom.html" target="_blank">little bit <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">about this here</span></a></span>.) Parenting is hard in any
circumstance, but when you’re facing a lack of resources and support, it can go
from being hard to seeming impossible. Because of this, it is <i>imperative</i> that we make efforts to
support biological families. This looks different everywhere, though, so
connect with a local foster care agency to find out specific ways you can help
in your community. Here are a few potential options, though, to get you started.
You could…</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Help with a parenting class or support group (by providing
snacks, transportation, space, your skills/knowledge, etc.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Provide a meal for a reunified family (or toys for
birthdays/holidays, clothes, etc.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Provide respite care for parents (like any parent, sometimes
they need a little break!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Help with household tasks</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Volunteer to lead a class on job skills, financial literacy,
etc.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Invite families to community events</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Provide encouragement! A few kind words really can go a long
way.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></u>
<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Support youth aging out of foster care<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This is a huge issue many people don’t know about, but in
2014, over 22,000 children “aged out” of foster care- meaning they never found
a permanent home, but were now too old to remain in the state’s conservatorship.
Apart from suddenly losing their main source of emotional and financial support,
aging out leaves many kids without the skills, experience and assistance they
need to achieve their college and career goals. More than 20% will become
homeless, and 25% will be involved with the justice system within two years.
<a href="http://www.jimcaseyyouth.org/about/aging-out" target="_blank">The statistics are shocking</a>, but here are ways you can help turn those numbers
around: </span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="http://www.fc2success.org/programsmentoring-and-support/sponsor-a-student/" target="_blank">Help sponsor a scholarship</a> for a student heading to college.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="http://www.fc2success.org/programs/student-care-packages/" target="_blank">Sponsor a care package</a> for a student who made it to college.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="http://www.fc2success.org/programsmentoring-and-support/red-scarf-project/" target="_blank">Knit a scarf</a>, if that's your thing!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donate things like interview outfits, grocery
store/restaurant gift cards, or furniture, bus/transit passes used computers,
etc</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Provide job training and skills</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Offer an apprenticeship to a youth transitioning out of care</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Volunteer to tutor/mentor youth who make it to college</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Support youth in care<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When kids are placed in foster care, they generally don't have a say in the matter. They're removed from the home, people and environment they know- and no matter what is going on within that place, there is grief involved with leaving it behind. They enter into a life of uncertainty- they're suddenly living in a house with people they don't know, and they might not have any idea as to when or if they'll see their family again. Every story is unique, but they are each complex and layered. But as difficult of a transition as it can be for kids, there are ways to help make it a little smoother:</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Be a mentor</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donate school supplies</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donate suitcases/bags- Kids oftentimes come into care with
very few things- or nothing at all. Sometimes their items are thrown into
garbage bags for easy transport; gifting new or gently used luggage can provide
them with a little more dignity at a time when they feel voiceless and
powerless.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donate gently used toys, clothing, blankets, etc</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donate things like zoo or museum passes or tickets to local
events. A few months ago, someone donated tickets to the circus to the agency I
work with, so Little Man got to go for the very first time! (He slept through a
good chunk of it, but I think he still loved it!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Help sponsor a child’s fees for something like summer camp,
sports teams, music lessons, etc.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donate your <u>skills</u>. Are you a talented pianist? Maybe
a computer genius? Or perhaps you know how to sew/cook/skateboard/any other
things a kid might want to learn how to do. Offer to give a child lessons!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are you a good photographer? Volunteer to take photos of
kids in care! Many children in foster care don’t get an opportunity to have
professional photos taken the same way other kids might- any many foster
parents can’t afford to have this done for every child in their care- so this
is such a wonderful gift to give! It helps document a time in a child’s life
that might otherwise be lost. As a foster parent, I’ve been told that I’m the
“memory keeper” for kids in my care. It’s a huge responsibility, so any help I-
and other foster parents- can get is so appreciated!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tutor a child- whether you help with a specific subject or
provide help with SAT prep, academic supports are always important!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301309/k.9D58/Volunteering.htm" target="_blank">Become a Court Appointed Special Advocate.</a> CASA volunteers
are empowered by the court to advocate on behalf of a child in care; it’s their
responsibility to get to know a child- as well as the child’s biological
family, foster family, teachers, social workers, and other people who interact
with the child regularly, so they can help inform the court. Full disclosure- this
opportunity is definitely time-intensive.
It requires upfront training, and regular meetings (you have to get to
know the child, after all), and you do commit to see a case until permanency is
established, which can sometimes go beyond a year. But, again, if you have the
time for this, I definitely encourage it. It’s so, <b>so</b> needed, and can make a huge and important impact on a child’s
future.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
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<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Support foster families</span></u></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Foster parents have a lot to juggle. On top of jobs,
families and friends, they make room in their schedules for things like home
visits (from CPS workers, case managers, inspectors, etc.), visitations with
biological families, a variety of appointments (for example: doctors, dentists,
and/or therapists), court appointments, and so much more. From personal experience, I can say that having support from others is the difference between me juggling everything like this:</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpx0r4H1zzZRjQ1ZgDftog0SUVn4a9ybAZd_SwqvmT7ILKk11GAWIyDkoltXeYwq8obMHScITdUmFw1qfeI1X1bbqOr4S0ttux15lYA7298hlTyWnqOfQXO74pGOrPzzNefmystLZc_bgN/s1600/juggling1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpx0r4H1zzZRjQ1ZgDftog0SUVn4a9ybAZd_SwqvmT7ILKk11GAWIyDkoltXeYwq8obMHScITdUmFw1qfeI1X1bbqOr4S0ttux15lYA7298hlTyWnqOfQXO74pGOrPzzNefmystLZc_bgN/s640/juggling1.gif" width="640" /></a></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and juggling it all like this:</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz1-vNW-yQP1nAjHfy84mKozg31M9VXE2LsdA4VYNm2sEfoBTko1Msl-0Y8YlK2Ux4BCaWdK_yn_wny_WX6Qdgs_U-keVotOBaKD_zqaVeuWI6YUriyOgibjqAfld8K1m1hn5BWaavTIit/s1600/Juggling+2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz1-vNW-yQP1nAjHfy84mKozg31M9VXE2LsdA4VYNm2sEfoBTko1Msl-0Y8YlK2Ux4BCaWdK_yn_wny_WX6Qdgs_U-keVotOBaKD_zqaVeuWI6YUriyOgibjqAfld8K1m1hn5BWaavTIit/s640/Juggling+2.gif" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Okay, I might not be this good, but still- we're talking next level juggling.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Here are some ways you could support a foster family:</span></div>
<ul><ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Help with household chores- mow a lawn, help with dishes, cook
a meal… Personally, I know I’ve been so grateful for people’s help in this
area. It gives me an opportunity to take care of something else on my unending
to-do list- or, more importantly, gives me a chance to spend more time with my
son. Honestly, this one is huge- especially when families receive a new
placement. A friend arranged a meal train for me with Little Man arrived, and
it was a lifesaver- I don’t think I would have eaten without it. So if you
don’t know a foster parent, but you want to help- reach out to a local agency
to get connected! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donate things like: diapers, baby formula, gently used
children’s clothes, gently used children’s furniture, toys, etc. Again- from
personal experience, I can say this is invaluable. Foster parents typically
have very little notice about the arrival of a new placement. I was lucky and
had two days, but sometimes it can be a matter of hours. As you can imagine,
it’s hard to be prepared in so little time, so help a foster family stock up so they can be ready for anything!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Become a licensed babysitter! As a foster parent, I don’t
have the same babysitter options as other families. Anyone who babysits my son
has to have completed a background check and CPR/First Aid certification. So,
admittedly, this option requires some time and effort. But if you have the time and energy to do it,
I am confident you could find some grateful foster parents! (Shout out to my
team of babysitters- I really couldn’t have made it this far without you!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Become a licensed respite care provider! This one is like
becoming a babysitter, but more intense because it’s longer term (3+ days).
Respite care exists to provide foster families with a break- to do anything
from travel, deal with a family crisis, or just have a few days of self-care
and recovery time. Respite care providers are essentially licensed as foster
parents, but can choose to only provide care on a short-term basis.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Support organizations<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">There are a lot of organizations that work with and support
children in foster care and their families. If you’re short on time but want to
contribute some of your resources, consider donating to one of them. Here are a
few:</span></li>
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.casey.org/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Casey Family Programs</span></a></li>
<li><a href="https://davethomasfoundation.org/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Dave Thomas Foundation</span></a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301295/k.BE9A/Home.htm" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">CASA</span></a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.fc2success.org/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Foster Care to Success</span></a></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And, of course, <a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad_heavyLoad.html" target="_blank">local foster care agencies</a>.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you are interested in learning more about specific ways
you can get involved, I’d encourage you to contact someone from a local foster
agency. You can find one (or many) agencies in your area <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad_heavyLoad.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you have any ideas other than the ones above, please feel
free to share them in the comments below! I'd love to hear more about what others have done or hope to do!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The foster care system can seem like a daunting thing to tackle, but there are so many ways to make a positive impact. Whoever you are, wherever you are- your skills, knowledge and resources can make a huge difference in the lives of children and families in foster care! And who knows? Maybe it will help pave the way for a day when we don't need a foster care system at all! </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-33328382672050186432016-03-10T21:29:00.000-06:002016-03-10T21:29:23.273-06:00A Big- Time Update<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ebJAdzbYcmDOyz3mjWoJlzXn1BRy1y9cvNPlWQJ8eL7zhAQqIA3Q_a304Q_PVpF1BQLVpDsx-_4aHnVFiKdkCkg87XEcbhzuW1fDs29McZc0W4Czpo-HsMAhR4IPf2bm1xOoOOWmeJP8/s1600/Hello.gif" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ebJAdzbYcmDOyz3mjWoJlzXn1BRy1y9cvNPlWQJ8eL7zhAQqIA3Q_a304Q_PVpF1BQLVpDsx-_4aHnVFiKdkCkg87XEcbhzuW1fDs29McZc0W4Czpo-HsMAhR4IPf2bm1xOoOOWmeJP8/s640/Hello.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh,
hello there! Once again, I’m resurfacing from a too-long absence to give a
quick update.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Guys.
So much has been going on lately. Like… SO. MUCH.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That’s
actually one of the reasons I haven’t written here in a while- I just haven’t
even known where to start.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There’s
one announcement in particular I haven’t shared because I was trying to figure
out the perfect timing, buuuuuut….<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apparently
I’ll be outed on national television this Tuesday, so it seems like the timing
is now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Oh, p.s., I'm about to be on Fixer Upper. Nbd. I'll come back to that later.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk9aTqIa0VStIKAE7DN3_AfuALjPq_69rB1cksANUGpHOjsoj3Sts9uTwJOYEpKNak-5qFEncsq7bJLjXDa-HX5nyrBBXidgrXB1wNQKoaBndSeEuKs_-qwwOgQ_vluLOdl5S4hmiw6i3k/s1600/Kaley+Jo+and+Chip.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk9aTqIa0VStIKAE7DN3_AfuALjPq_69rB1cksANUGpHOjsoj3Sts9uTwJOYEpKNak-5qFEncsq7bJLjXDa-HX5nyrBBXidgrXB1wNQKoaBndSeEuKs_-qwwOgQ_vluLOdl5S4hmiw6i3k/s640/Kaley+Jo+and+Chip.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This was a super fun photo shoot that maybe never happened.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So rather than let HGTV make my announcement for me, I wanted to post it here. So....here it goes:</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYQMzyiXkLy4L7V64YBP-aekIvdox2p3fE_cCbBgi4KKeZKNkVVZOwxXra6V6ejp4iIaR1Ksyigvmr5kJ9syMtZqWWgPcNTDURcLaipFJ-fYlk0TM7yPjN4ZXMxK0zjCtN0FYf8XUnkcUW/s1600/drumroll-please.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="344" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYQMzyiXkLy4L7V64YBP-aekIvdox2p3fE_cCbBgi4KKeZKNkVVZOwxXra6V6ejp4iIaR1Ksyigvmr5kJ9syMtZqWWgPcNTDURcLaipFJ-fYlk0TM7yPjN4ZXMxK0zjCtN0FYf8XUnkcUW/s640/drumroll-please.gif" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve
decided to petition for custody of Little Man.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When
I tell people about this, the immediate reaction tends to be something along
the lines of “That’s so great!!!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And
it is. It’s a very exciting decision.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;">But
it’s also terrifying. </span><span style="color: #1a2935;">And also sad.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;">Because it might not have the outcome I want. And</span><span style="color: #1a2935;"> because it means such significant loss.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Petitioning for custody essentially means I’m filing a lawsuit
against his biological mom, asking the court to terminate her parental rights. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Deciding to do that was the easiest and most difficult
decision I’ve ever made.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Easy because, of course, I care about my son, and I want to ensure
he is safe and loved. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Difficult because I know his biological mom wants exactly the
same thing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There’s a big part of me that wants her to succeed. Although I
don’t know much about her life, I know she’s dealt with losses and hardships I
can’t imagine. I want such good things for her, because I really care about
her. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But, at the same time and for many reasons, the best way I know how to care for my
son is to try to terminate her parental rights.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And that weighs heavily on me- as it should, I think. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We’ve taken a few steps in the legal process, but we haven’t set up
initial hearings yet, so I really don’t know what to expect in terms of an
outcome. It’s ultimately going to come down to a judge’s decision. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But, really, there’s no perfect option- whatever happens, someone’s heart
will be broken. There’s a chance the judge will decide my son should return to
his biological mom. And I cannot even imagine how difficult that would be to me.
Honestly, I make an effort <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> to
think about it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But the other option is that the judge decides to grant me
custody, and if that is the case my joy would be at the cost of Little Man's biological
mom’s. There’s no sugar-coating or getting around it- it is inevitable that
someone will wind up devastated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a2935;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I’m making an intentional choice to invite that in, which adds a layer of
guilt on top of the already thick fear and anxiety.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1a2935;">It helps me to remember the words Bren</span><span style="color: black;">é </span><span style="color: #1a2935;">Brown wrote: </span><span style="color: #131313;">“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your
whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life
that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability
and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the
discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and
grace.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And so I wait- trying to accept my own vulnerability and allow the
uncertainty of the future guide me to gratitude. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #131313;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some days that comes
naturally. Other days fear takes over, and it’s really hard.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #131313;"><br /></span><span style="color: #131313;">And that’s where I am right now. I
feel this need to wrap things up on a positive note- saying something like,
“but things are great, and I know they’ll work out!” </span><span style="color: #131313;">But at this </span><span style="color: #131313;">point</span><span style="color: #131313;">, I just don't know.<br /> <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #131313;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: #131313;">So in an effort to be authentic, I’ll
leave it in this gray space. </span><span style="color: #131313;">And I’ll wait.</span></span><br />
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-55857499291996560672015-09-24T19:49:00.000-05:002015-09-24T19:49:39.182-05:00Happy 1st birthday, Little Man!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIwWCBamK-BVa6iivvpyge0FAxxRERBj0_VEnK524RkxvM06dPk2vZSVvyM2nxokVTuGyLRdvsbeRXRhYOPG0I_4iML-7kRPbJQSGOgo4lNqD_RLU3wjsNhoPptXCR1Uk6Byl2cWt5pJu1/s1600/LittleBearBirthday.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIwWCBamK-BVa6iivvpyge0FAxxRERBj0_VEnK524RkxvM06dPk2vZSVvyM2nxokVTuGyLRdvsbeRXRhYOPG0I_4iML-7kRPbJQSGOgo4lNqD_RLU3wjsNhoPptXCR1Uk6Byl2cWt5pJu1/s640/LittleBearBirthday.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Last night, I went to sleep with a precious and wonderful baby. This morning I woke up with a precious and wonderful <i><u>toddler</u></i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">How on earth did that happen?? Exactly one year ago I was frantically trying to find a day care so I could officially accept the short-term placement of a newborn. Today I am frantically trying to keep up as that once-newborn speeds around the house.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Honestly, I am struggling to wrap my brain around it. In some ways it feels like it was yesterday that I got a text saying “the baby was born, and it’s a boy!” In other ways it feels like he’s always been a part of my life and my family. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The past 12 months have been incredibly challenging. There have been moments of exhaustion, loneliness and stress- sometimes all at once. But those lows are so far out-shadowed by the highs- all the moments of joy and gratitude, the countless giggles and snuggles, the sheer amazement of watching someone experiencing <i>everything</i> for the very first time… It’s just such a gift. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Being Little Man’s mom has taught me about patience and determination, joy and grace, courage and strength. I mean, I don’t want to pat myself on the back too much here, but basically I feel like I’ve become the best, most badass version of myself. To date, at any rate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But really- I feel incredibly fortunate and immeasurably thankful to have shared so many adventures with this little guy throughout the past year. We’ve been on 12 planes, visited 4 states, gone to Hogwarts (and Hogsmeade), attended one incredible concert, ran in a 5k, cheered on the 2-time Big XII champs in their home stadium (sic ‘em), bought a house, moved into said house, fed a giraffe, and a <i>lot</i> more. I think it’s safe to say he’s had an eventful first year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As I take time to reflect on the year behind us, I have to take a moment to say <b>thank you</b>. Yes, <i>you!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Thank you for the support you’ve given us- even if it’s just through reading about our story here. My mom posted about Little Man’s birthday on her Facebook page this morning, and I honestly teared up as I saw how many people commented with encouragement and well-wishes- many of them people I haven’t even met. It’s humbling to know that our adventure matters to so many people. So, really- thank you for loving and supporting us. I truly am grateful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So happy birthday, Little Man! I’m thankful for the adventures behind us, and excited for the adventures that lie ahead…. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-31345188892267276512015-08-10T22:42:00.000-05:002015-08-10T22:44:45.236-05:00We're still here!Remember that time I was on a roll with posting regularly and then fell off the face of the earth for three months?<br />
<br />
<br />
Well...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4fOtHayCUjQCnR6B8aBjdAT0ae7kBjEqZ420VVaIGz5BZoDnyaJ5Ah7qg8Ds7eRjiROM1Dg69dVF3wKW2NY2je4Ha1jS8or0H74GpeTxqPOMKhIGD5QaE8sU75vWjrgBGBWG4fDSkGUir/s1600/I%2527m+Back.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="358" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4fOtHayCUjQCnR6B8aBjdAT0ae7kBjEqZ420VVaIGz5BZoDnyaJ5Ah7qg8Ds7eRjiROM1Dg69dVF3wKW2NY2je4Ha1jS8or0H74GpeTxqPOMKhIGD5QaE8sU75vWjrgBGBWG4fDSkGUir/s640/I%2527m+Back.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Guys-- it's been a crazy summer. Little Man and I have been pretty (aka incredibly) busy for the past few months, and I'm not really sure when things will slow down.<br />
<br />
We have been- and will be- swamped with exciting things that I'll share more about soon, but for now I at least wanted to write something just to let everyone know that we're still here!<br />
<br />
Both of us!<br />
<br />
Little Man and I have now been together for over 10 months, which is three times longer than I initially expected. Lately I've been prone to lots of emotions as I realize how quickly the time has flown by. Little Man has changed so much since September- I'm not even really sure he could be considered a "Little" man anymore; he's adorably chunky- as strangers at the grocery store always love to tell me.<br />
But beyond that, his personality has changed and grown a lot, too. He's so spunky and fun! He gets shy around new people, but he warms up quickly and becomes very lively and energetic. He also gets pretty chatty, as you can see here:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxbhiQ13NCw36nV1UGhMuj4YUnyWsOYT6G9dR1ZknHIOFJmkzAGnXjFwPyGT0JxUZtCJ97gaJBpygasdNbdLg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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I like to tell people that he feels things very deeply- particularly hunger and joy. He's passionate and determined and wonderfully silly. He loves playing with his friends and feels just fine taking charge of social situations by grabbing their faces to say hello.<br />
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Lately, he loves brushing his teeth, watching me brush my teeth, using my legs to pull himself up, eating (obvi), reading, dancing with me, and trying to see if he can crawl across the room and stick the dog's bone in his mouth before I can catch him (so far, he's only been successful once).<br />
<br />
He is definitely an observer and seems to take everything in around him; he is fascinated by anything from cars driving by to finding a tiny leaf on the ground. It's exciting to think about how that's helping his brain develop!<br />
<br />
So, besides him crawling and me chasing him down, what have we been up to lately? Well, here's a short list:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I bought a house! I still can't believe it some days, but it's true- I'm a homeowner.</li>
<ul>
<li>Because of that, I've spent a lot of time cleaning/packing.</li>
<li>I've also been busy with re-doing home inspections! Remember how fun that was one year ago? I get to do it all again!! I've measured rooms and drawn evacuation plans, covered every outlet, put up smoke detectors, etc, etc. Today was actually my official fire inspection, but I'm still trying to get ahold of the health inspector. There have been a few issues with the new place, but I managed to pass initial inspections (allowing us to at least move in), so hopefully that's a sign the official ones will go smoothly!</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilc6oaLfJ4xivVKbJYfNaUGLz4zT96DQA8WVWGO3ar6Sn7G0wtSK76oLJu2Vmm9oWX73DznNTVv9MXIMmOj30VGyV3Wl5qPT-B4OJXRpP09YIJW8pH3XUU__KcHWCj66hzNN_nXqTEWviE/s1600/House.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilc6oaLfJ4xivVKbJYfNaUGLz4zT96DQA8WVWGO3ar6Sn7G0wtSK76oLJu2Vmm9oWX73DznNTVv9MXIMmOj30VGyV3Wl5qPT-B4OJXRpP09YIJW8pH3XUU__KcHWCj66hzNN_nXqTEWviE/s640/House.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here we are in front of the house! Little Man refused to look anywhere but directly at the camera, so I had to disguise him.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li>We've traveled!</li>
<ul>
<li>Early in July we went on a family trip with my mom and siblings to.... Harry Potter World! It was a really great trip. Apparently Little Man is too young to be sorted into a House, but I'm pretty sure he's a Gryffindor. Obviously he didn't get to go on any of the rides, but he <i>was</i> woken up by a dragon in Diagon Alley on multiple occasions, so it was still pretty memorable overall.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBX3gUTIs8DV7NiDBnHjBJYveVvYWXPLMdYPcCNA6_0Xd1tGPwID4jIgop4UCguMpM8Ncj5egDEA_tgHXtGfkqifSq5wmNTz994dSlXvUXCWhsEcFiRQYDdP41A3DXlYkJfxdEPJPA7A9q/s1600/DiagonAlley.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBX3gUTIs8DV7NiDBnHjBJYveVvYWXPLMdYPcCNA6_0Xd1tGPwID4jIgop4UCguMpM8Ncj5egDEA_tgHXtGfkqifSq5wmNTz994dSlXvUXCWhsEcFiRQYDdP41A3DXlYkJfxdEPJPA7A9q/s640/DiagonAlley.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The calm before the storm- or the fire-breathing roar.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul><ul>
<li>We also went to New York! Two of my friends and co-workers came with us, which was <i><u>so</u></i> helpful. It was nice to spend time with my mom and sister, and also to have my mom watch Little Man while I explored the city with my friends. He loved playing with my mom's tiny dog, but I think his favorite part was our picnic in Central Park. (Because food.)</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I was promoted! Little Man wasn't too involved with this particular event- which happened in the beginning of the summer- but it did lead to a day care change for him. While I'm really excited about my new job, it's definitely added to the craziness of the summer. I've transitioned to this role in the peak of a hectic season at the office, but I'm hopeful things will slow down a bit eventually!</li>
</ul>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI-sAYoWg-7OGFlqva6PLo25F7QXmTYBd9eq31uxdhIiqJ6st2PkWpqoIGwlei3NKAglI3zdMsuVdyPixQctIiaVCTLsgX7lbufZM77WLihZJVBAtjO5K-ftUmkP0acH7_CtDYaQoOCWAv/s1600/Sitting+with+RG.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></a>So those are the big summer happenings, but let me follow them up with some photos for you:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8wpHE_JXlW4HTyY_SpgRU-UPdgF01F_7GGsYx7SriKKznkMF82M7JWXf7KDBJMRdFv5Tb0Du6NYt379uGa8HJ4PL27uCsMLU06ye6-4i6GiyWe5Ym15Yxv6WeQ7GxIqhsrc2fXAWDUd3/s1600/First+Swim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8wpHE_JXlW4HTyY_SpgRU-UPdgF01F_7GGsYx7SriKKznkMF82M7JWXf7KDBJMRdFv5Tb0Du6NYt379uGa8HJ4PL27uCsMLU06ye6-4i6GiyWe5Ym15Yxv6WeQ7GxIqhsrc2fXAWDUd3/s640/First+Swim.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's Little Man with a ghost during his first time in a pool. It seemed to startle him at first, but he warmed up to it quickly!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyq6IyTN0_0ofl2mvxA0_L26pXIbnLtgAhyphenhyphen3Ol-YniSFhhAduzMLEZZ7VZnrS6Na8GFQ60hIPv5bMAjB8cb4h7l3Ex5AzOWISS9yUxWzfmQfjc-5VySf_9Z89kErMF5c3iThwCY_zMs9pJ/s1600/BowlHat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyq6IyTN0_0ofl2mvxA0_L26pXIbnLtgAhyphenhyphen3Ol-YniSFhhAduzMLEZZ7VZnrS6Na8GFQ60hIPv5bMAjB8cb4h7l3Ex5AzOWISS9yUxWzfmQfjc-5VySf_9Z89kErMF5c3iThwCY_zMs9pJ/s640/BowlHat.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He's gotten really good at hide and seek, using this bowl to take it to the next level. He has also has gotten very drooly. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbvnlLs7HdrPrkO-X20AYaTpZV45lEQq2ds_CTr0leW4EXByvnwJbsLiv69TXNAEk_5DwTTBM62pqUNn1lW63x8cp3bz4wK_JvOb_GSrLZfuoe_2KQ14WlHG6_7B8435NGUC-noMfYwYWe/s1600/Yogurt.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbvnlLs7HdrPrkO-X20AYaTpZV45lEQq2ds_CTr0leW4EXByvnwJbsLiv69TXNAEk_5DwTTBM62pqUNn1lW63x8cp3bz4wK_JvOb_GSrLZfuoe_2KQ14WlHG6_7B8435NGUC-noMfYwYWe/s640/Yogurt.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He's tried so many good foods this summer! Here are the remains of watermelon and yogurt.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlTHKgDRn5YfeebQ0UlT6Td3sy-cfrnpkBwF-8ATFfC3KcVSO5aXuiVdyoHai1t0NQdZ1TYMc9Hatwa1LP-9r1O1ALj3xo-3B09JQWKW2K2dfqu3Bym3KSpk7xPTvg0NsrcKMG96uChyphenhyphenh/s1600/Spinning+records.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlTHKgDRn5YfeebQ0UlT6Td3sy-cfrnpkBwF-8ATFfC3KcVSO5aXuiVdyoHai1t0NQdZ1TYMc9Hatwa1LP-9r1O1ALj3xo-3B09JQWKW2K2dfqu3Bym3KSpk7xPTvg0NsrcKMG96uChyphenhyphenh/s640/Spinning+records.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spinning records like a champ.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUI0YHabuhxpVszh_EiD7iKEVglEN27HRgVPCk5N-RAIqoJmMkBMfbxZhJxMWS8q4Cw1maQc4KB6kSCtJKh2k75_9P1Ld_QD9qhicjxDYrlzRH_xzsEoTDmA-tw5xaBYPqiSBUfhxrXQzr/s1600/Toe+tasting.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUI0YHabuhxpVszh_EiD7iKEVglEN27HRgVPCk5N-RAIqoJmMkBMfbxZhJxMWS8q4Cw1maQc4KB6kSCtJKh2k75_9P1Ld_QD9qhicjxDYrlzRH_xzsEoTDmA-tw5xaBYPqiSBUfhxrXQzr/s640/Toe+tasting.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And working on his yoga.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QwCMcFFdvO0jf9w6Kwej_OTjGh2z1uLmQTE_2GCc2Hg-jitHRMldfVpaPHkVliNsQKVHoFu5LPm2iwUwMbjehQd4KNTPVkG-hx9yHcq3YmAt4AwWt3MQSY-9NwdF8Oj3QCFRwaen_EW4/s1600/Crawling+with+RG.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QwCMcFFdvO0jf9w6Kwej_OTjGh2z1uLmQTE_2GCc2Hg-jitHRMldfVpaPHkVliNsQKVHoFu5LPm2iwUwMbjehQd4KNTPVkG-hx9yHcq3YmAt4AwWt3MQSY-9NwdF8Oj3QCFRwaen_EW4/s640/Crawling+with+RG.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">RG isn't sure what to think about his BFF's new level of mobility...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI-sAYoWg-7OGFlqva6PLo25F7QXmTYBd9eq31uxdhIiqJ6st2PkWpqoIGwlei3NKAglI3zdMsuVdyPixQctIiaVCTLsgX7lbufZM77WLihZJVBAtjO5K-ftUmkP0acH7_CtDYaQoOCWAv/s1600/Sitting+with+RG.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI-sAYoWg-7OGFlqva6PLo25F7QXmTYBd9eq31uxdhIiqJ6st2PkWpqoIGwlei3NKAglI3zdMsuVdyPixQctIiaVCTLsgX7lbufZM77WLihZJVBAtjO5K-ftUmkP0acH7_CtDYaQoOCWAv/s640/Sitting+with+RG.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...so he tries to keep him pinned in one place.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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There you have it. An brief update, some pictures, and the peace of mind of knowing I haven't completely forgotten about this blog!</div>
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But before I end this post, I have one more photo...</div>
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In case you haven't seen it, <a href="https://www.wendys.com/en-us/foster-care" target="_blank">Wendy's is doing a campaign where you take a picture completing the heart on one of their cups</a> (see below) and share it on social media with he hashtag, "Share4Adoption." For every new photo, they donate $5 to the Dave Thomas Foundation- which helps find permanent families for children in foster care. So go treat yourself to a Frosty, and then take and share a photo. You get a delicious treat, and you get to support kids and families! Win-win. And it's so easy! </div>
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So do it for me and Little Man! </div>
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(If you're like me and you don't frequent fast food establishments, you could always hang on to the cup and take new pictures every once in a while. The campaign wraps up at the end of September, so take as many photos as you can until then!)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNeEMe0AHSK5Yde_RTE0Ve57Tr-rRBTsoFWxu4VIW8oSreaETd7KPI7EXC0M6YDwRaeLnlGsijxAMIycIPlyCkk6cxdcnV04b3Q7FZv6x5Fzc0Xb8GzUViSLapbIoClzo6oM_ZJTHjG0KQ/s1600/Wendys.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNeEMe0AHSK5Yde_RTE0Ve57Tr-rRBTsoFWxu4VIW8oSreaETd7KPI7EXC0M6YDwRaeLnlGsijxAMIycIPlyCkk6cxdcnV04b3Q7FZv6x5Fzc0Xb8GzUViSLapbIoClzo6oM_ZJTHjG0KQ/s640/Wendys.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSBQCbf5FO9CNF_hapyrbkG7mPj3SBWiSpftqYr9MviCMZBFUlReXEItApKEfaZLop9FqcTeT2vNk9KHdFCib5C8FBUwait2UrvxQay_2Mc0WhURrEgjZN2SCQ-0YEtR9KsBm2chLyYUby/s1600/Share4Adoption.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="346" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSBQCbf5FO9CNF_hapyrbkG7mPj3SBWiSpftqYr9MviCMZBFUlReXEItApKEfaZLop9FqcTeT2vNk9KHdFCib5C8FBUwait2UrvxQay_2Mc0WhURrEgjZN2SCQ-0YEtR9KsBm2chLyYUby/s640/Share4Adoption.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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Thanks for reading today and catching up with us- and stay tuned for more exciting updates soon!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-17681031524408821962015-05-11T22:01:00.000-05:002015-05-11T22:29:52.045-05:00My Son's Other Mom<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8khek7HNv9iPmhZN-FI86_P8aBLxLP9EALLDQ5moFMnBhdVykZr1DZeHt4UXj0CBdwI9vSjTSrhOJE3LLByVpl2CI3U4SekyK_WSy-I7rMYnuWylsjrD_XcPL6PU4WRszsPhJgqq-SYxf/s1600/MySonsOtherMom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="476" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8khek7HNv9iPmhZN-FI86_P8aBLxLP9EALLDQ5moFMnBhdVykZr1DZeHt4UXj0CBdwI9vSjTSrhOJE3LLByVpl2CI3U4SekyK_WSy-I7rMYnuWylsjrD_XcPL6PU4WRszsPhJgqq-SYxf/s640/MySonsOtherMom.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yesterday I celebrated my very first Mother’s Day as a mom.
Little Man had a fever, so it wasn’t the calm and blissful day I hoped for. But
as he lay sleeping and drooling on my chest, I found myself reflecting on what
I’ve learned in my seven and a half months of motherhood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I’ve learned about how to live in a new kind of
selflessness. I like to think I had moments of selflessness before becoming a
mom- like most people do- but being responsible for another human being is
different than anything I’ve experienced before. I’ve learned what it means to
give of myself constantly- to put another person’s needs ahead of my own, even
when doing so is tiring or terrifying or frustrating or lonely, and even when
that person can do very little to reciprocate. I’ve learned through
months and months of night feedings, a midnight trip to the ER, incessant loads
of laundry, thousands of readings of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Your
Personal Penguin</i>, and being constantly (it seems) covered in spit-up. I’ve
learned through pudgy-cheeked smiles, contagious giggles, lots of early morning
(and late night) snuggles, Little Man's tiny hands clinging to my arm when he’s
scared or uncertain, and the look of excitement on his face when he sees me
return from a long day of work- or a few moments of being across the room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I’ve experienced more joy and more love than I ever could
have imagined eight months ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And yet, I didn’t feel particularly celebratory on my first
Mother’s Day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">(And not just because Little Man gets very cranky when he’s
sick.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">While I am proud of- and so, so grateful for- my time as a
mother, I cannot help but think about Little Man’s other mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The one who we haven’t seen in 5 months, but who I know is
missing him very much right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I can’t help but recognize that this day- which is supposed to
bring her such joy- is, in all likelihood, causing her unfathomable pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I think about this other mom frequently. Little Man and I
talk about her and pray for her every evening. I tell him daily about how much
she loves and misses him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We decided to make her a Mother’s Day card to acknowledge
and update her- and to let her know how loved she is. We stamped his footprints
in a heart shape on the front (or as much or a heart shape as we could achieve
with such squirmy little toes) and glued it onto some colorful scrapbook paper.
And then I sat down to write a note. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As I sat there- trying to find encouraging words for a
woman I’ve only met twice and haven’t seen in months- I thought a lot about how
small of a difference exists between the two of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I think it’s easy as a foster parent- or as an upper-middle
class person- to lose perspective when thinking about biological parents. It’s
easy to judge them based on the fact that their children live with other
families and wonder why they can’t seem to figure it out- to land a job, to get
sober, to find a home, etc, etc etc. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">But then I think about what enables me to manage life as a
single parent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I think about how I am surrounded by an incredible community- family and
friends who are willing to drop everything to help when I welcome a newborn
into my home, or take a day-long CPR class just to be available to babysit,
or spend time with Little Man so I can do chores (or even do chores so I can
spend time with Little Man!). There are so many people in my life who make my job
as a parent manageable, and I really am not sure I could do it without them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I also have a secure and stable job- one that pays me a living wage and gives me a
lot of flexibility as I transition into parenthood. When I had to take a week
off of work to be with Little Man while he struggled through RSV, I was never
concerned I might not have a job to return to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Those are luxuries that countless parents do not have. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And why do I have these things? Because I happened to be
born into them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I don’t want to dive into the philosophical deep-end here
because I know it would take me forever to climb out, but- ultimately- what
separates me from Little Man’s biological mom- what separates me from most
parents who have ever had to place their children (willingly or unwillingly)
into foster care- is the fact that I was born into opportunity. Financial,
educational, and relational.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That’s not to say I've just coasted along from birth until now and
somehow wound up where I am today. I definitely worked hard and made positive
decisions to get to this place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">But I have had the opportunity and ability to do that work
and make those choices. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Many people- and parents- don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Many
parents- despite longing to create the best life possible for their children-
face incredible obstacles. Poverty, addiction, lack of family or community
support, loss of jobs, mental health issues, physical health issues, crisis
situations, lack of education or educational opportunities... the list could go
on for ages. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Some
parents become exhausted- facing such overwhelming barriers every day. And
some, sadly, grow hopeless. But almost every parent tries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">And
that’s what I wish everyone knew and understood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">When
well-meaning people find out I’m fostering and say things like, “Don’t you just
hate the parents??” or “I can’t believe some parents would rather _____ than
raise their child,” I feel so, so sad- and very frustrated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s hard to see such a lack of empathy for a
woman who loves her child so much. I want people to understand
that with Little Man’s biological mom (and with most biological families) the
problem isn’t a lack of caring- it’s a lack of opportunity and resources. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I
have never met a parent who is indifferent about the life he or she brought
into the world, but I’ve met many parents who are facing obstacles I can hardly
even imagine without the supports and resources I too often take for granted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Most
parents set out to do the best job they can with the resources, skills, and
knowledge they have available, but many parents have very few- or no- resources
to go on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In the four hours I’ve spent with Little Man’s biological
mom, it was clear to me how much she cares about her son. I have no doubt that she
loves him and wants to be able to give him a good, safe and stable life. But it was also clear to me that she’s encountered unimaginable challenges over the years- and she has an uphill climb ahead of her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And so she’s missing the first months- almost year- of her
son’s life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And as much as I love being able to step in and care for
Little Man, my heart aches for the loss she's experiencing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Eventually, I managed to write a brief note on her Mother’s
Day card. I wrote about what Little Man is up to these days and how much we
think of and miss her- and I hoped it didn’t sound cliche or condescending. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Because I really do care about her, and I want such good things for her.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So as I celebrated my first Mother’s Day, I made time to
pray for Little Man’s other mom- and for all parents who are working and waiting to be
reunited with their children. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It was essentially an echo of the prayer Little Man and I say for his biological mom every night: may they be filled with strength, peace, hope,
and the knowledge that they are loved.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-8400592602273275082015-05-06T15:30:00.000-05:002015-05-06T16:56:23.449-05:00Guest Post!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbUFb0jLkAypmpZhwPuX0pZtSZiKOUHAdsoRWethUlrsze3s3uOuzipY-Nr7r0F_8S5fJaSWVukU75Um3d7Z_8cl8OYzNDMNeXftsuXfH4mI-m9a4I-betQAxiF0ZAkWt7rG5lTHPyE5Nb/s1600/Adventures+of+the+Ordinary+Life-+Guest+Post.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbUFb0jLkAypmpZhwPuX0pZtSZiKOUHAdsoRWethUlrsze3s3uOuzipY-Nr7r0F_8S5fJaSWVukU75Um3d7Z_8cl8OYzNDMNeXftsuXfH4mI-m9a4I-betQAxiF0ZAkWt7rG5lTHPyE5Nb/s1600/Adventures+of+the+Ordinary+Life-+Guest+Post.jpg" height="480" width="640"></a></div>
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Guys-- this is the second post of the week!! My commitment to post more regularly this month is off to a good start thanks- in huge part- to a new friend of mine.<br>
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Remember <a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2015/05/nfcam-2k15.html" target="_blank">earlier in the week</a> when I mentioned how a fellow foster parent and friend I've never met reminded me it's National Foster Care Awareness Month? Well, I've enlisted her help for today's post!<br>
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Her name is <a href="http://thingsamandaknows.blogspot.com/">Amanda T</a>, and she hails from the great state of Kentucky- pretty far from my own little Texas town. <br>
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One evening several-ish months ago- after I shared one of my posts, she sent me a Google message to tell me how much she enjoyed reading my blog.<br>
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I was thrilled when mentioned that she, too, is a young, single foster mom- I don't know many (or any) other people who are in this boat, so it was immediately encouraging to have that connection.<br>
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Even more encouraging: she's been doing this job much longer than I have- and she is still going strong! Over the past 3 years, she's provided a home for 13 children. And she is amazing.<br>
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I've been so inspired by her commitment to fostering, and I think you will be, too!<br>
Here are her thoughts on her journey thus far:<br>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">About three and a half years ago, I felt called to become a foster parent. Honestly, I was hoping I was imagining things, because at the time, that didn't seem like anything I wanted to do. I prayed about it, and I basically told God that I wasn't interested, but thanked Him for thinking of me. He had other plans. The next Sunday was, not coincidentally, <a href="http://orphansunday.org/">"Orphan Sunday"</a> at church. I remember thinking that that was ironic, but I knew better than to shrug it off.<br><br>That week, I called a social worker at DCBS to ask about what was involved in becoming a foster parent. I found out that I would need to go through 10 weeks of classes (MAPP), complete a profile, go through a background check, and complete two home visits. After that, if approved, I would be ready for children in my home. </span><br>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br>After learning about the process, I began to tell some women in my Bible study group about my thoughts regarding fostering. Another lady in my group told me that she had considered fostering, and may be interested in going to the classes with me. I remember thinking that if she was going to go, I would too. If she backed out, that was my sign that I wasn't supposed to do it, because I didn't want to go alone. Funny story...a day or two before classes were to start, she told me she wasn't going. Perfect! Now surely that was the sign I had been looking for. Too bad that literally minutes later, I received a call from my friend who worked at DCBS telling me that the person who was supposed to teach my class wasn't going to be able to, so she would be. Well, now I knew for sure that it was meant to be. <br><br>Don't get me wrong, I knew that I was fully capable of fostering. I love children, I understand the needs of children who come from hard places, I had the extra room, and knew that I could financially make it work. Basically, I had no reason to say no. I think I was just scared of the unknown. I was scared of the birth parents, scared of the behaviors that I may be dealing with, and scared of getting attached. I was just scared, but I decided to trust God, and take this leap. <br><br>I began MAPP classes on April 19th, 2012. The classes were very informational, and I actually looked forward to going each week. My last class was June 28th. After turning in a bunch of paperwork and having two home visits, I was approved in July. Then, I just became attached to my phone...waiting for my first call. Every time an unfamiliar number popped up, my heart began to pound. <br><br>On August 9th, I received my first placement. Oh, what a nervous couple of hours I had while waiting for two little girls to show up on my doorstep. (Thanks to some friends and a nearby toilet, I was able to pull myself together before they came.) <br><br>Now, almost three years later, I have been blessed to provide a home for thirteen children (mostly infants). Sometimes I feel like I have a revolving door to my house, as most of my placements have been short. But, when I stop and think about it, I am so grateful for any amount of time that I was able to provide a safe and loving home for a child when they needed it most. <br><br>Fostering has been a journey of ups and downs. Seeing a happy baby grow and learn is awesome. Having to hand a baby over in the parking lot of DCBS is rough. There are days of laughter, and there are days of grieving. There are days when I think I have this whole parenting thing down, and days when I feel like a complete failure. There are days when I feel like I have a great support system, and days when I feel all alone. I am honest in saying that fostering is so hard, but <i><u>so</u></i> worth it. <br><br>I think one of the things that has surprised me the most while fostering has been the public perception of what fostering is, and how things work. I would be lying if I said I didn't have the same thoughts and questions as other people before I started. I think when a topic or cause is close to your heart, you want everyone to become educated and involved. <br><br>The general public thinks that foster parenting is like a job where you earn a paycheck. That's simply not true. The state does pay for the child's needs, but that money is to be spent on the child. The $22.70 p/day doesn't cover everything. So, most likely, foster parents spend their own money as well. Clothing, diapers, wipes, childcare, formula, food, and everything else adds up quickly. The state does allow the children to be placed on WIC, and while that is so helpful, it is not enough for the entire month. Daycare assistance is also available, but again, there is always an overage to be paid. Most foster parents don't receive baby/kid showers, so everything comes from their pockets in preparation for a placement. Preparing for different ages, genders, and clothing seasons really adds up. (This is why foster parents are so grateful for hand me downs and donations.) <br><br>Another misconception is that there is a chance to "keep" every child who comes into a foster home. The main goal of foster care is to reunite the children with their parents when mom/dad has made the necessary changes and is ready to parent. These birth parents (or at least the ones I've worked with) are not terrible people. They are people who lack positive role models, have grown up in similar situations, or simply don't know how to parent appropriately. They are fully deserving of an opportunity to get themselves together in an effort to get their child back. While many people foster with the intent of adopting, this can be a long process as time is given to the birth parents to make progress. Before asking a foster parent if they are going to get to "keep" a child, remember that they probably don't know the answer. Foster parents do what we do knowing that things could change at any time. We are all pretty good at living in a state of uncertainty. <br><br>A third misconception is one I hear almost every time I mention that I'm a foster parent. Someone looks at me and says, "Oh, I could never do that! I'd get too attached. You are awesome!" Um, no. Have you met me? I'm far from awesome. If I'm being completely honest, this can sometimes sting a little when I hear it. I'm sure I've said this to people in the past, and I completely get it. I appreciate the compliment. Let me say that we DO get attached. We care for these children like they are our own, and we love them deeply. Foster parents are not robots who take care of children and then hand them back without any feeling. We are not superheroes who are trying to save the world. We are people who are passionate about helping children, and are willing to put our own emotions on the line to do what we can for them. Please know that if it's something you are interested in, and feel is right for you, you <u>can</u> do it. <br><br>I personally want to take time this month to say thank you to the people who have supported me along this journey. I have friends and family who pray for me and for the babies. There are people who have been willing to photograph my babies for free, or at a discounted rate. Some people are willing to babysit. Clothes have been donated by people when their children outgrew them. I have friends and family who create bonds with the babies, and love them like I do. I have friends who are there to celebrate the milestones, and friends who listen through my tears. Foster parenting is something I chose, but I cannot do it all alone. Please know that your support and generosity are greatly appreciated. <br><br>Due to confidentiality, I cannot post pictures or information about the children I have, but know that the sweet babies who have come through my door are amazing and beautiful. I commit to advocating for these children. I will continue to share posts about fostering on Facebook. I will continue to try to recruit other foster parents. I will continue to do my small part.<br><br>If you've ever considered fostering or want to help a foster parent or child in some way, this is the perfect time to make a move. Feel free to ask any questions you have. I would love to walk down this road with you. There's a child who needs you. Do you have a reason to say no?</span><br>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-69369112081196912362015-05-04T15:30:00.000-05:002015-05-05T18:31:19.270-05:00NFCAM 2K15<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAi-MMSDZcb0h9WmIi6qrodiMZzpcB69CZPUUoFke62aoxhZcYkQDa0S0sJdynWwrAy2SCXlg9qLFmMGOtihAqrcuWHHB8PZuc1KVkrsoaRf_ataUDa3oyiow-8i4qBkt808EHGQulKbAG/s1600/Adventures+of+the+Ordinary+Life-+NFCAM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAi-MMSDZcb0h9WmIi6qrodiMZzpcB69CZPUUoFke62aoxhZcYkQDa0S0sJdynWwrAy2SCXlg9qLFmMGOtihAqrcuWHHB8PZuc1KVkrsoaRf_ataUDa3oyiow-8i4qBkt808EHGQulKbAG/s640/Adventures+of+the+Ordinary+Life-+NFCAM.jpg" height="406" width="640" /></a></div>
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Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve written here.</div>
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I
often have ideas about things I really want to write about- I've even made 2 or 3
lengthy lists, which are currently lying somewhere around at my house. At one point, I decided to get organized and made a calendar to list what I would write and when I would write it!<o:p></o:p></div>
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That was about two months ago, so you can tell how
successful it’s been.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Over the past seven months as a new mom, I continually tell
myself, “I’ll get the hang of this soon! One of these days I’ll have this down,
and then I’ll be able to (insert some activity such as writing a blog post here)!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEXHfjTrbU8yc81WaPX-Tukr-TgWIkbS6N2LqiXnN514U7muEVmG9-oAWjdiT6Qrmi00C9LpSpMmGUv9s6200D2ut_rh7Cw3py-Lq8DGT_IxmXO5GLOVwiDB4GE5uvtjCB7EWvObWfCjmV/s1600/AotOL+breakdance.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEXHfjTrbU8yc81WaPX-Tukr-TgWIkbS6N2LqiXnN514U7muEVmG9-oAWjdiT6Qrmi00C9LpSpMmGUv9s6200D2ut_rh7Cw3py-Lq8DGT_IxmXO5GLOVwiDB4GE5uvtjCB7EWvObWfCjmV/s1600/AotOL+breakdance.gif" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It always starts with such confidence...</td></tr>
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But here’s the thing about babies: they change. A lot. Every
day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As soon as you get used to one phase, they wake up in a
whole new one. <o:p></o:p></div>
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All of a sudden, they want to eat (or play with) solid
foods. Or they learn how to roll over- eliminating your ability to leave them
on the couch while you grab a rag from the other side of the room to clean up
the spit up flowing onto your floor. (Random example.) Or they figure out they can move their
hands and miraculously grab things like house plants, cups of hot coffee, or
dog faces. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Or (Lord help me when this happens) they learn how to crawl.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When you finally get used to one stage, you’re already
halfway through the next. It’s beautiful and incredible and so much fun, but it
also means you’re always in the stage of “figuring it out.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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(And by “you’re” I mean “I’m”- I’m using a generic pronoun
in the hopes that I’m not alone here.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQNrm19CWwUJ0Ci7PB7S2VxFMDRjhQTNsEveYhw3nDJf0Co8KXITAo6cVhrNYg_Se46O8CEqEjPYGv0UlV8BxibL-gz0-H8R7K8vmsCW_GTtRgWl3MVB_18ce7mc1NiiYM31f1Z7KdvjiW/s1600/AotOL+break+dance2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQNrm19CWwUJ0Ci7PB7S2VxFMDRjhQTNsEveYhw3nDJf0Co8KXITAo6cVhrNYg_Se46O8CEqEjPYGv0UlV8BxibL-gz0-H8R7K8vmsCW_GTtRgWl3MVB_18ce7mc1NiiYM31f1Z7KdvjiW/s1600/AotOL+break+dance2.gif" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...and ends up like this. (Making it happen, but maybe not always with those most grace and ease.)</td></tr>
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So that’s my excuse. I’m still adjusting. (There are also a
lot of other things going on in life right now, but more on that soon.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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These days I’m adjusting to two new teeth, the precarious
balancing act that is learning how to sit up independently, the unquenchable curiosity of a
growing mind, and the fierce desire to crawl comically combined with a complete
lack of limb coordination.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Actually, that may not be fair to say. Little Man is
adjusting to those things. I’m just adjusting to him adjusting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But this month, I’m going to try to make updating this blog more of
a priority. Partially because I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">love</i>
writing- it helps me figure out what the heck I’m thinking and feeling, and it
gives me an outlet to express it all. It also helps me feel connected. Every
time I post something on here, I am so humbled and amazed by the fact that
people read it. It’s such an encouraging reminder of how many people care about
Little Man- and about the story we’re living and creating together. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Which, of course, stirs up many more thoughts
and feelings, thus creating an even bigger need for writing. It’s a wonderful
cycle!</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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The other reason I’m hoping to make blogging a priority? <a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/fostercaremonth/" target="_blank">May is National Foster Care Awareness month</a>- aka: NFCAM 2K15. (Thanks to a fellow foster mom- one
whom I have never met in person but still feel so connected to- for reminding
me of this fact! With everything I have on my plate right now, I would have
been weeks into the month before remembering- if I remembered at all.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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I want to celebrate this month- and the incredible
journey/responsibility/joy that is foster care- by sharing stories and
information and updates with you here. I’m also trying to do regular posts on
Instagram, so you can check in there (@ukulelekaley) if you feel so inclined!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMIffQbj_5xtTIJ0rIBbb9SYRfPlN2kTDb-xJOQFjW9EFjqzih42BBSFjOO7YhjX75YUeniURIN9RYLfQ9k0oXL3OC2DVfHzfHWmaIzRWGAgStJWZhmpSm2nhPITmV9aVII38MFebRZ7gW/s1600/10+Commandments+Meme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMIffQbj_5xtTIJ0rIBbb9SYRfPlN2kTDb-xJOQFjW9EFjqzih42BBSFjOO7YhjX75YUeniURIN9RYLfQ9k0oXL3OC2DVfHzfHWmaIzRWGAgStJWZhmpSm2nhPITmV9aVII38MFebRZ7gW/s1600/10+Commandments+Meme.jpg" height="348" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When Ramses II says it, you know it's for realz.</td></tr>
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I’ll start small- with this humble post. But I’m hoping to
work through a good chunk of the list(s) I’ve created, so be sure to check in
every once in a while!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, since it’s been a long time, I’ll leave with a few
updates on Little Man.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are some facts about him in his seventh month (what??)
of life:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>His current loves are eating new foods, making people laugh,
being tickled, visits from Gigi (my mom), being or watching things outside,
dancing with me in the living room, spending time with the dogs, wearing his
sunglasses, and making new sounds.</li>
<li>Favorite book: “Your Personal Penguin” by Sandra Boynton (it
may seem odd for a 7-month-old to have a favorite book, but, man, he loves it.)</li>
<li>Favorite time of day: Bath time.</li>
<li>Favorite food: Any. But he seemed to be an especially big
fan of sweet potatoes.</li>
<li>Recent firsts: First trip to the
dentist and first trip to the pool (God bless Texas)</li>
</ul>
<br />
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Here are some pictures:</div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6flaV08PQ6ZdrB1NqrF_z3Y1a6SmWHA5urys9CBNurqtdguWAul37xmyt3cpSQRyGESzGPwDuUz3lLLJulziKQ7Y33yYqbkadb_YEuM9korAUgwwPuvf8RN7z7Ld_AeA4IuGqE5WLRA7f/s1600/AotOL-+Foodtruck+Showdown.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6flaV08PQ6ZdrB1NqrF_z3Y1a6SmWHA5urys9CBNurqtdguWAul37xmyt3cpSQRyGESzGPwDuUz3lLLJulziKQ7Y33yYqbkadb_YEuM9korAUgwwPuvf8RN7z7Ld_AeA4IuGqE5WLRA7f/s1600/AotOL-+Foodtruck+Showdown.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At seven months, this kid's style is on point. So are his elbow rolls.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPMxyDUgjRTb8KVqCgSiCr4ZknpLQjaP9uUrHhW5pk0e1ldDLulLCpmvUzXu1Tcy6RZESVaI8IcsGsFbuTkeGRIOv0MDia0N78u3eoxTidclVnKLbrY494xCPYye4-Ut4JlUJFCo60GJA_/s1600/AotOL-Hide+and+Seek.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPMxyDUgjRTb8KVqCgSiCr4ZknpLQjaP9uUrHhW5pk0e1ldDLulLCpmvUzXu1Tcy6RZESVaI8IcsGsFbuTkeGRIOv0MDia0N78u3eoxTidclVnKLbrY494xCPYye4-Ut4JlUJFCo60GJA_/s1600/AotOL-Hide+and+Seek.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hide and Seek champ.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwMN3Gw76Uyfk4f5hzLLUadIqQ689tJbi3NbH5G0y0bbamXcy7rYnGhBiq-FLwUzK9zvgQkuugUqGK_2nn2Q7eDG0JqqsAbRBPCfXzlKGK8QWjXwVqNOn9j3hllTvHVmps0VHVfMEN58_M/s1600/AotOL-+Personal+Penguin.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwMN3Gw76Uyfk4f5hzLLUadIqQ689tJbi3NbH5G0y0bbamXcy7rYnGhBiq-FLwUzK9zvgQkuugUqGK_2nn2Q7eDG0JqqsAbRBPCfXzlKGK8QWjXwVqNOn9j3hllTvHVmps0VHVfMEN58_M/s1600/AotOL-+Personal+Penguin.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In all seriousness- this book has magical powers.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This kid is honestly just the sweetest little guy, with the absolute best laugh and a grin that would make anyone melt. He’s so much fun to be with, and every day I feel lucky to be a part of his life!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Okay, that's it for now. But stay tuned for another update soon! (I've said it here, so it has to happen, right??)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext 1.5pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">
(Oh, and bummer update: <span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">I still haven’t <a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2015/02/my-letter-to-ellen.html" target="_blank">heard back fromEllen</a>. I’m hoping it will happen one day, but I think I’d need a few
thousand people to tweet at her in order to get her attention. I guess people
send her a lot of mail or something.)</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-58314441849081147312015-03-18T13:50:00.002-05:002015-03-18T18:10:09.961-05:0010 Things You Probably Shouldn't Say to a Foster Parent (And what you should say instead)<div class="page" title="Page 1">
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<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Soon after Little Man entered my life, one of my friends sent me a video that so perfectly
captures something I would say most- if not all- foster parents experience.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">The video is called “Stuff People Say to Foster Parents.” I’m assuming it was created when
making videos about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-yLGIH7W9Y" target="_blank">things specific groups of people say</a> was
really trendy. Remember that phase? Those videos were all over the place for a while.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">But in any case, this particular one showcases some of the most frequent (and- from our
perspective- some of the strangest) things people say to or ask foster parents.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- I completely understand why people ask me questions
about fostering. I didn’t know any foster parents until I became one, so it wasn’t a world I knew much
about until I entered into it. I would imagine there are a lot of folks out there who are curious for
that exact reason- they don’t have any real experience with the foster care system- so I’m not
surprised when people want to know more. Or when they just want to comment on it.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Curiosity, I understand.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br />And I actually have a lot of experience with it.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">As an identical twin, I became pretty familiar (and patient) with people’s strange questions at a
young age. “Do you have the same birthday?” “Can you read each other’s minds?” “If I kick her,
would you feel it?”</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb10OsiL5B8Nl83b8Sn3WbwEQq2u2EOfVkYXEOBtbOFV3j1ojp7XoUGN3CGveOYuvtq6cHrTJb6c22Z_Hucs9DKs24VjVdndgBw0ugLuOsTyC0nh-QHT1vBQZTIymO_jBm3ZkoCkQIx3Ni/s1600/Twin+eye+roll.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb10OsiL5B8Nl83b8Sn3WbwEQq2u2EOfVkYXEOBtbOFV3j1ojp7XoUGN3CGveOYuvtq6cHrTJb6c22Z_Hucs9DKs24VjVdndgBw0ugLuOsTyC0nh-QHT1vBQZTIymO_jBm3ZkoCkQIx3Ni/s1600/Twin+eye+roll.gif" height="352" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LL gets it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">
(These questions also taught my sister and I to become a pretty adept and creative liars-
once going so far as to convince a classmate we were twins separated at birth, a lie she believed
for months- but that is neither here nor there.)
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">This patience for questions has served me well as a foster mom, because- just as I have as a twin-
I’ve heard a handful of questions and statements repeatedly for the past 6 months.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Some are pretty basic, like, “When did you become a foster parent?”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Some have a little more depth, for instance, “Why did you decide to foster?”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">But I have to confess- some questions and comments put my patience to the test.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Although I know they come from a positive place, many of the things people say come across
as insensitive, nosy, or just obvious.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">I’ve never lost my patience or been angry at a person for their comments- but, honestly, there
some things you just shouldn’t ask a foster parent. (Unless you know her/him </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">very </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">well- or find a </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;">more sensitive way to phrase them.) Additionally, there are some statements you should
probably avoid making- despite your good intentions.</span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">In an effort to help you navigate your future conversations with foster parents, I’ve created a list.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"> (**Impo</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">rtant N</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">te: The g</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">al </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">of </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">this list is n</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">t t</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ake anyone feel</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sel</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">f-co</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ns</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">i</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">s about</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"> intera</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ti</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ns
with </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">fo</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ster </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">p</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">arents or guilty about things they have asked in the past</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">- </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">it is j</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">u</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">st t</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">hel</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">p </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">in</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">fo</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">r</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m future </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">co</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">nversati</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ns and q</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">u</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">esti</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ns.<br />
Als</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o, </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">i</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">f </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">have said any </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">of </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">these things t</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">e in the </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">p</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ast 6 </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">mo</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">nths</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">, </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 700;">please </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">kn</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">w </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">I </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">a</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">n</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">t
ann</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">yed </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">r angry with y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">. </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">I c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">an </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">u</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">nderstand where these state</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ents </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">com</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">e </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">f</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">r</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">om- p</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">l</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">u</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">s </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">I’</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ve heard
the</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">all s</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">any ti</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">es that </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">I honestly </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">have n</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">l</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">u</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">e wh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o’</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">s said the</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">at this </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">po</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">int.)
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRhct2t9imsUilpOd54b_hNBa_G2nlDfPMcN-WHMN2OZX7yR8f2mBy8-68MPrXD9LDRwlb0FjmbKbNgMqaUCOdU8B4elgGTsFa11cPNKVjNoGIHXFWsv0PrygsyXXBy-o0aeow0H_7aI53/s1600/Untitled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRhct2t9imsUilpOd54b_hNBa_G2nlDfPMcN-WHMN2OZX7yR8f2mBy8-68MPrXD9LDRwlb0FjmbKbNgMqaUCOdU8B4elgGTsFa11cPNKVjNoGIHXFWsv0PrygsyXXBy-o0aeow0H_7aI53/s1600/Untitled.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">10. I could </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 700;">never </span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><u>do that!</u><br />
</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">This is one of the things I hear most often, and- fortunately- it is one of the things I understand
most.<br />
When people say this to me, I know they are trying to convey a sense of respect or admiration,
which I can appreciate. I would imagine people say it as a compliment.<br />
But nonetheless, sometimes hearing this makes me a little uncomfortable.
It feels like I’m being forced on a pedestal I don’t really deserve to be on.<br />
I am not a super human. I am not Jesus. Or Mother Teresa. Or Fred Rogers. What I am doing is
not unimaginably difficult. It doesn’t require any special skills. Foster parenting basically just
requires a desire to help kids and their families, some patience, some adaptability, and a solid
support system. I would imagine these are pretty in-line with the qualifications that are beneficial
to have as a biological parent.<br />
Don’t get me wrong- I’m not trying to say what I’m doing isn’t important or (at times)
challenging. It is definitely both of those things. But I don’t think it’s an extraordinary and noble
act... It’s just something I felt passionate about doing.<br />
And I guess that’s what bothers me. If we treat foster parenting as some remarkable,
inconceivably difficult, astounding thing that only exceptional people can do, people will
continue thinking it’s something they could “</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">never” </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">do. And I can assure you- chances are good
that you could do this. It might be challenging, but you could do it.<br />
So thank you for the compliment. I appreciate what you are trying to convey. But please
remember- </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12pt;">I am just an average person who recognized a need and felt she could do
something about it</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">.<br />
</span><u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead:</u> </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Rather than paying a compliment through self-doubt, try something direct, like- </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">“</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">There is such a need for foster parents- I really respect/thank you for your
commitment to that role.”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><u>9/8: How much money do you make?<br />
How much does he cost, and do you have to pay for everything?
</u></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">(I’m </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">gr</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">oup</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ing these t</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">gether be</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">a</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">u</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">se they are di</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ff</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">erent b</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">u</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">t very si</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ilar</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">- </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">in what they</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">’</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">re
asking and h</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">w ina</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">pp</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">r</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">op</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">riate </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">I </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">think they are.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Again- I can understand people’s curiosity here. I know they want to understand how fostering
works. But, in my mind, this seems on par with asking someone how much money they make in
their job. It’s not very polite.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br />
When people ask this question (particularly the first one), it’s hard not to get a little defensive.
The phrasing seems based in an assumption that fostering is just a way to earn some extra cash.
And believe me- that is not the case. Much like teaching or social work, if someone became a
foster parent for the money, he or she would be incredibly disappointed.
</span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead</u>: </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Honestly, probably nothing. It’s best to just avoid this question. If
you’re <i>that</i> curious, ask Google, instead.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br />
In fact, here’s some general information about foster care reimbursements (which I’ve
copy/pasted from a Google search) to assuage curiosity. Because- seriously- I get this questions a
</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">l</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">t</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">:
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Cambria'; font-size: 10.000000pt;"> <i> “In the United States, states are charged with ensuring that children who have been removed from
their homes due to abuse or neglect are well cared for in their out‐of‐home placements. Foster care
providers are responsible for directly providing the shelter, food, clothing, supervision, educational
necessities, and other personal incidentals required to promote the safety, permanency, and well‐
being of children in their care. To assist them in meeting the children’s needs, child welfare agencies
offer a payment (or reimbursement) to the providers. Although the Federal government has certain
requirements regarding the provision of foster care payments (if the state chooses to seek Federal
reimbursement for some of the costs for children in care through the title IV‐E program), there are
no national requirements regarding the specific payment structures or amounts provided.1 Rather,
states have considerable discretion in designing and administering their own foster care payment
systems. In some cases, the authority to establish the rates lies with the individual counties or
localities across the state.”
</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Cambria'; font-size: 10.000000pt;"><i>“The basic family foster care rates in most states vary by a child’s age, and in most cases the rates
increase incrementally by age.”
</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Cambria'; font-size: 10.000000pt;"><i>“The basic foster care rates in the majority of states fall below our estimate of the costs of caring for a
child. A comparison of the basic rates for various age groups to a computed estimate (based on USDA
data) of the cost of caring for a child of that age range in that region of the country show that only a
small number of states have rates that meet or exceed this estimate. A number of states have rates
that represent less than half of the estimated cost of care.”
</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Cambria'; font-size: 10.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Cambria'; font-size: 10.000000pt;"><i>(http://www.childtrends.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Foster-Care-Payment-Rate-
Report.pdf)
</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Cambria'; font-size: 10.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">7</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">. So... what is he?
</span></u><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span></u>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">Alternate w</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">rding: “What</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">’</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">s he </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ixed with?” </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">r “</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">I</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">s he </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">(</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">insert ra</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">e/ethni</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ity here)?”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">No joke- strangers ask me this question. To me, this seems obviously inappropriate. Maybe you
wonder in your own mind, but you’d never actually ask aloud. Especially if you have no
relationship with the person you’re asking. Is that just me??<br />
I can tolerate close friends inquiring as to his ethnic background, but “What is he?” is too blunt
for anyone to ask. The answer is, “a baby”.</span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead:</u> </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Again- nothing. Sorry. If you’re really good friends with a foster
parent, you can maybe try to politely inquire. But if you don’t have a relationship, it’s probably best to just come up with your own answer.<br />
</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><u>6. Is this a new one?
</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">Alternate w</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">rding: “</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">I</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">s this the sa</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">m</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">e </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ne y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">had be</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">fo</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">re?”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Rule of thumb, never refer to a child with generic terms such as “this,” or “it.” At the very least-
use a human-specific pronoun.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;">This question bothers me because it feels kind of dehumanizing- and not just because of the
pronoun choice. Maybe some people assume foster parents have a constant rotation of children. For some foster parents, that may be true, I guess. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;">As I continue
fostering, I’d imagine I’ll have a number of children in and out of my home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">But I expect that- no matter how many children enter and leave my care- they will each be
uniquely important to me. Each will have an impact on my life. Their stories will all matter to
me- just as Little Man’s story matters to me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">
“Is this a new one?” seems to brush over and minimize the relationships and stories connected
with each child- however briefly they are in my home.
</span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead:</u> </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">If you are really curious and need to know this piece of
information, try to get it in a different- more sensitive- way. Example: Comment on how much
he’s grown (if you’ve never met him before, I’d just let you know and introduce you), or
comment on how good it is to see him and ask how long he’s been with me now (again- I’d
correct you if this is the first time you’ve met). You could also ask how many placements I’ve
had as a foster parent.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span>
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">5</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">. Are you going to keep him?
</span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">The child I am holding is not, in fact, a stray animal I took in off the street. As such, his situation
(as with every child in foster care) is much more complex than me simply deciding to “keep”
him.<br />
Every child placed in foster care is given a service plan- which includes details about long term
plans for permanency. This could be returning to biological parents, being placed in the care of
other relatives, or being placed with adoptive parents. It’s never up to the foster parent what that
plan is, and in many cases, the plan could change over time. This is one of the challenges of
foster parenting. (Remember how I said you have to be adaptable?)
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Even if we </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">did </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">have a say, foster parents generally have very complicated- and sometimes
conflicting- feelings about their children’s final placements. It’s not unheard of for foster parents
to want their children to return to their biological family while dreading it at the same time.
(More on this in an upcoming post.) This question- beyond assuming I have authority I don’t
have- doesn’t acknowledge the complexities of my son’s situation or the hopes I have for him.
(Also, if foster parents want to adopt but aren’t able to, hearing this question can be kind of painful.) </span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead:</u> </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">What does his service plan look like? (Just know- the response you
get might be, “None of your business” if you don’t know the foster parent. Hopefully it would be
phrased more politely, though.) You could also ask foster parents if they are fostering to adopt or
simply fostering.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><u>4. Is he a drug baby?
</u></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: small;">To me, this question is on par with “What is he?” I’m not sure what makes people think this is
appropriate to ask- especially when the person you are asking is a stranger or even an
acquaintance. And yet, I’ve heard this from random people</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: small;"> on multiple occasions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: small;">
The problem I have with this question is that it never feels as if it’s coming from a place of true
concern for my son’s health. Instead, it seems to come from a place of nosiness. Again, I know
this probably isn’t the case, but it generally feels as if the person is kind of hoping my answer
will be “yes, he is.”
</span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ld say instead: </span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">This is, once again, a question that is best to just let it stay in your mind. (Unless you are the child's doctor.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt; text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt; text-align: center;">(The final three all kind of tie for first place. They are the things people say to me that I
find </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; text-align: center;">mo</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; text-align: center;">st </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt; text-align: center;">tiresome, and I could rank them differently depending on the day.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">3</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><u>. This will be such good practice when you have real kids!
</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">Alternate w</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">rding: “This will be s</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">uc</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">h g</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">oo</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">d </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">p</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ra</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ti</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">c</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">e </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">fo</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">r when y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">have y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">r </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">wn kids!”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">I really hate it when people say this to me. I know that might seem extreme, but it’s true.<br />
I feel that strongly for a few reasons. 1) Last time I checked, my foster son was a real child. I
know we have some pretty convincing dolls out there these days, but I am fairly confident he’s the
real deal. 2) Although my son may not be “mine” biologically, he is “mine” for the time being.
3) Because he is both a real child and my son, I would never consider caring for him “practice”-
at least not any more than another parent would consider her/his first child practice.<br />
He’s my son, not a high school homes economics flour bag project, and I will treat him just like I will treat any other children I have in the future. Sure, I will probably (hopefully) learn things along the way that
will improve my parenting. (Such is the burden of a first child.) But Little Man is not a test run
or an experiment. He is a real, flesh and blood child, and how I parent him right now matters for
</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">years </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">to come.<br />
Like most parents, I don’t take that responsibility lightly.<br />
</span><u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead:</u> </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Some variation of, “Oh, I learned so much as I raised my first
child!” Then tell me something you learned, or ask me what lessons I’ve learned along the way.
If you have never hand children, just stick with something like, “I bet you’re learning a lot as a
new parent!” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><u>2. So... What’s his mom’s story?
</u></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1uyL3uJGSY79yQYuzArV34jgFftjLxO3m4K7kNwDp5d0hNCUEec8g8arB3IVyOFv021DsneYM5lcfbFGRwJdX6UuvWP45C-YNkkZVAPCMMCSpWjriiOW7VSK7VhtUpZi3fvKSIxCr0C3y/s1600/No.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1uyL3uJGSY79yQYuzArV34jgFftjLxO3m4K7kNwDp5d0hNCUEec8g8arB3IVyOFv021DsneYM5lcfbFGRwJdX6UuvWP45C-YNkkZVAPCMMCSpWjriiOW7VSK7VhtUpZi3fvKSIxCr0C3y/s1600/No.gif" height="320" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">Alternate w</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">rding: “What did his </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">mom </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">d</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">o</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">??”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: small;">This is another question that- to me- never seems to be rooted in genuine concern. I always feel
as if it’s coming from people’s fascination with tragedy. When people ask me that question, I
first want to remind them that my son’s biological mom is (just like him) a real person. I have no desire to
objectify her by sensationalizing her story. Also, because I care about my son, I care about her.
She doesn’t deserve to be the object of anyone’s anger, pity, or hatred. Nor does she deserve to be judged and labeled as one of "those types of parents" by people who don't know her or her </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">experiences.</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: small;"> I don’t want to reduce her or her story to a way of buying people’s sympathy for her son.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Additionally, foster parents have to abide by strict confidentiality laws, so- even if I wanted to
tell you all the details of her life (and- really- I do not), I am not allowed to do so. (Also, in
many cases, foster parents don’t know very many details themselves.)<br />
</span><u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">What y</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">sh</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">ou</span></u><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead:</u> </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Instead of asking questions about biological families, try to
empathize with them. Recognize how difficult it might be for them to be away from their child,
and feel free to communicate that instead. I would </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">muc</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic;">h </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">rather hear someone say, “I can’t
imagine how difficult his absence is for his biological mom” over questions about what she
“did.”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-weight: 700;"><u>1. Don’t you get attached??</u></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSo00MtL_ztoovb3iuPqfFE66qG9aeZC53JeiN2bjRNyH_O8liqoqhhPdKhl9tR_GH5c1WL5AO6DdDXTNKFboZD7bjacFx9qSLbbF5F7Bncycw-hSc-PM-gOHKFROVIi1b_S5oVtjBMF8h/s1600/Annoyed.gif" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 16px; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSo00MtL_ztoovb3iuPqfFE66qG9aeZC53JeiN2bjRNyH_O8liqoqhhPdKhl9tR_GH5c1WL5AO6DdDXTNKFboZD7bjacFx9qSLbbF5F7Bncycw-hSc-PM-gOHKFROVIi1b_S5oVtjBMF8h/s1600/Annoyed.gif" height="292" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">Nope. He keeps me up at night. This kid is the worst.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">
Of </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 700;">cou</span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPS'; font-size: 12.000000pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 700;">rse </span><span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">I’m attached! I’ve spent the past 6 months with this guy- and look at how cute he is!
(Man, I wish you could for real- he seriously is the cutest.)</span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">I recognize that this (like #10) is asked to convey some sort of respect and awe, but it
frustrates me because it seems like a pretty obvious answer. And, while I doubt the ask-ers
realize it, it’s also a little insensitive.<br />
I know people ask because they’re trying to process how difficult it would be to build a
relationship with a child only to (eventually) deal with separation. But while I appreciate the
recognition of the heartache involved in foster care, I don’t really want to be reminded of it.
Focusing on the possibility of future grief just makes it harder to soak up the joy I’m
experiencing in the present. And while I certainly don’t want to be naïve or unprepared for what
lies ahead, I also don’t want my fear of it to keep me from fully engaging right now.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'TimesNewRomanPSMT'; font-size: 12.000000pt;">So please- don’t ask foster parents this question. In all likelihood, you already know the answer.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline;">What y</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline;">ou </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline;">sh</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline;">ou</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic;"><u>ld say instead:</u> </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;">Empathize in a different way. Tell them you can- or can’t- imagine- all the complex things
they’re feeling. Tell them they’re doing a good job. Remind them that what they’re doing is
making a difference. Help them to soak up the time they have with their kids, because it’s
precious. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><span style="font-size: small;">So that's my personal list. Other foster parents might read this and think, "None of these questions bother me at all." But, in my perspective, those are the top ten things that- as a foster parent- I'd be okay never hearing again.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><span style="font-size: small;">But I'm sure I will.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;">I'm sure I'll continue to hear each of these over the months and years ahead. And- ultimately- I'm okay with it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">I may get tired of these questions and statements, but I always love when people care- and want to know more- about my experience as a foster parent. I love sharing this adventure with others. And- goodness knows- I love talking about Little Man. So I would rather people ask me a question I'm tired of hearing than ask me nothing at all. And I would imagine most foster parents feel the same way!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What kinds of questions would you want to ask a foster parent?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Or- if you are a foster parent- what questions do you enjoy/tire of hearing?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">By the way, <a href="https://vimeo.com/110548783" target="_blank">here is the video I mentioned</a>- in case you want to watch it!</span></div>
</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-30200975144144651542015-02-08T21:03:00.001-06:002015-02-09T18:38:50.740-06:00My Letter to Ellen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVhXyuIz59up-3ob-rLATNZbA961Ly0NzSKTnS0xplSmTeCVBcziyAS7l_V2pc9hDJ-5s3DY7QkGDXZqVxZYJrQQT2ayEPA_HdGQyl9c5H8-GXRvj8zuX-j5B3UvkxfqcevQvNmNO2ncDf/s1600/MeAndEllen2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVhXyuIz59up-3ob-rLATNZbA961Ly0NzSKTnS0xplSmTeCVBcziyAS7l_V2pc9hDJ-5s3DY7QkGDXZqVxZYJrQQT2ayEPA_HdGQyl9c5H8-GXRvj8zuX-j5B3UvkxfqcevQvNmNO2ncDf/s1600/MeAndEllen2.jpg" height="640" width="481" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I can't remember where we were going this particular evening, but I was trying something new with my hair. Clearly it wasn't working.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Last weekend I survived the most challenging day of single parenthood I have experienced to date.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It started like most days- Little Man was fussing a little bit around 4AM, so I went in there to help him calm down. A few minutes later, I was walking back to my room when I realized something was not quite right. My stomach felt a bit off, but I thought I might be able to sleep it off, so I crawled back into bed and rolled around restlessly for a while.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Thirty minutes later, Little Man woke up again- this time to eat. I picked him up, walked to the kitchen to grab his bottle, and knew it was only a matter of minutes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's always odd to me how accurately we can sense our impending fate when we experience that type of nausea. I go years without getting sick- at least this kind of sick- but even so, I can instantly tell when my nausea is not just nausea.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I did my best to breathe slowly as he sucked down his bottle, laid him back in his crib as quickly as I could, and then booked it to the bathroom- where whatever stomach virus I had hit in full force. (Can you tell I'm trying not to be too graphic?)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">When Little Man woke up a few hours later, I managed to pull him out of his crib and lay him on his play mat before laying down next to him- a safe distance away. Being the super baby he is, he played contentedly for an hour or so (seriously- he's the best baby) while I tried not to move.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVT20FXOnTrQ4Uy7iLXYFl_t-q1yzh8HeUtmtdGBXEPuAUiw2aP9oy4lKiZSXeZe61qpVOMtP4Zq8A-I7HtjV420IWUJjhKt-uu_SFOMHT7bGu0xI4xPR_KQnaAKB86iCYyAc72J_anLjZ/s1600/leave-me-alone-to-die.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVT20FXOnTrQ4Uy7iLXYFl_t-q1yzh8HeUtmtdGBXEPuAUiw2aP9oy4lKiZSXeZe61qpVOMtP4Zq8A-I7HtjV420IWUJjhKt-uu_SFOMHT7bGu0xI4xPR_KQnaAKB86iCYyAc72J_anLjZ/s1600/leave-me-alone-to-die.gif" height="291" width="640" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Me. That entire day.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">To say it was miserable would be an incredible understatement. But- once again- I was saved my the kindness of friends. One friend saved the day and coordinated people to come help me. Those people came and played with/cared for Little Man while I tried to sleep. Another friend brought a miraculous anti-nausea medicine. Others brought ginger ale and very light foods. One friend even spent the night to help with J's nighttime feedings.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">By the next morning, I was pretty much back to normal- hallelujah. But, man... I really am not sure I would have made it without those kind, wonderful people. They truly saved the day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So thank you to all of those who came to our rescue last weekend. I really am #blessed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Now, on to the subject of this blog post.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">A while back, I was talking to my sister about foster motherhood, and I joked that I was going to write a letter to Ellen (whom I adore) suggesting she change her Mother's Day show this year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">For anyone who isn't a fan of Ellen, 1) you're crazy, 2) she hosts a Mother's Day show every year where first-time moms-to-be fill the audience. It's awesome. I mean, look at all these baby bumps:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHfTRJaJPX8rCd-g2n-BfBvAQmT3zxSusmvDnfY01zj9ZW9ggh0ndvrZvVhWd84dsbOIMKUA7mxyZYHeslh56Y7uGXNePlXjNx15530AS5Ni_h-iMO8Zav0M9IUBPTB2R_ZwK1eYQRaCWH/s1600/Ellen-DeGeneres-Mothers-day-show-pregnant-audience.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHfTRJaJPX8rCd-g2n-BfBvAQmT3zxSusmvDnfY01zj9ZW9ggh0ndvrZvVhWd84dsbOIMKUA7mxyZYHeslh56Y7uGXNePlXjNx15530AS5Ni_h-iMO8Zav0M9IUBPTB2R_ZwK1eYQRaCWH/s1600/Ellen-DeGeneres-Mothers-day-show-pregnant-audience.jpeg" height="372" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As I laughed at my idea, my sister excitedly encouraged me to "do it!" A few other friends gave me the same feedback when I mentioned it to them, so I decided to go for it. I mean, what did I have to lose?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I sat down, wrote a lovely letter, and then went to Ellen's website to figure out how to send it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It was then that I discovered that the only way to write to Ellen is by typing it into a box on her website (as opposed to sending a hand-written note or attaching a Word document). I also realized that the box had a strict character limit- one that was far below what I used on my letter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I cut it down as best as I could, but doing so forced me to leave a lot of the heart behind my suggestion out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It seems like a waste to just delete the full-length version, so I figured I'd post it here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That way, if anyone who sees this knows Ellen, they can make sure she reads it. If I'm only seven degrees away from Kevin Bacon, I can't be more than 5 degrees away from Ellen. She interacts with a lot of people and is just the best- surely we have some friends in common. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So, anyway, here's the unabridged letter:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Hi Ellen!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My name is Kaley. I’m a 27-year-old single lady living in
Waco, TX. I currently work as a school social worker- a job that is challenging
but wonderful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition to your show,
I love spending time with friends, playing the ukulele, baking, enjoying a good
glass of wine or a good cup of coffee, and- like you- shaking it on the dance
floor (aka- any floor that happens to be under my feet).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I am also a foster parent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This is a pretty new adventure in my life, and I could
probably give you a chapters-long narrative of what led up to it, but- in an effort to be brief(ish)- I’ll skip through that and get to the more
exciting stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After lots of interviews, trainings, and home inspections, I
became a licensed foster parent in September. Within three hours of signing my license, I received a
phone call about a potential placement, but the logistics didn’t work out and it
fell through. I waited around anxiously for two weeks, making sure I always had
my phone with me- just in case. On Tuesday, September 23<sup>rd</sup>, I got
another call. It was the program director of the child placement agency, who said
there was a baby scheduled to be born in the next few days. The baby’s mom was
incarcerated, so they needed to find a home for a few months until she was
released. The director said she thought I’d be the perfect fit, but we needed
to figure out childcare- and wait for the baby to be born- before things could
be finalized. On Wednesday I found out the baby- a boy- arrived and was healthy,
and on Thursday we confirmed details for childcare, which made it official: I
was about to welcome a newborn into my home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was standing in Target’s baby aisle Thursday night- crying
because I was so excited, overwhelmed, and confused by the number of
almost-identical bottles (how do you know which one to choose??) when I
received another phone call- this time asking if I could travel with the case
manager to pick my foster son up the next morning- 12 hours from that moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I wasn’t expecting that, so I called my supervisor at work
and left her a few frantic messages- which, in retrospect, were probably very
confusing- and went home to try to prepare/rest. It was the first of many
sleepless nights.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The drive to the hospital was about 4 hours long. I remember
listening to a great 90s playlist and looking at people passing by- thinking
about how we were probably heading to such vastly different places to do such
vastly different things. Eventually, we arrived at the hospital and made our
way to the Newborn Center. It was a zoo. Nurses were buzzing back and forth and
babies were crying all around us. I had to wait at the front desk for what felt
like hours while the case manager filled out paperwork. I kept trying to catch
glimpses of all the babies as they were carried by- wondering which one was
about to become my foster son. Finally a nurse led us over to two of those
clear plastic newborn cribs, which were parked by
the nurses’ desk out front. (As I type this, I’m realizing how odd that
location was.) She pointed out my son, and I immediately knew he was the cutest
and most wonderful boy in the world. The nurse then led us to the only empty room
she could find- the circumcision room. It was the perfect setting for such a
significant moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The nurse handed me a bottle and told me I could feed him
while they waited for the doctor to sign off on his release, and then she left.
I think she may have forgotten about us, because it was a solid two hours
before anyone returned. I didn’t care too much, though, because it gave me time
to stare at the precious baby in my arms and- of course- cry some more.
Eventually a nurse returned with <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a
“Newborn Owner’s Manual” (that’s seriously what it’s called), which she
summarized by telling me to always use a car seat and put him on his back to
sleep. I wasn’t convinced that was all I needed to know to take care of a
newborn, but she told us we could go home and left again. The case manager and
I buckled the little guy into his car seat, prayed we did it correctly, and headed for the car. I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sure</i>
someone would recognize my incompetence and stop me as I walked to the
elevator. I imagined alarms going off and a nurse running over to grab the car
seat from us. “That was a close one!” she would announce to the staff as she
turned to take him back to the nursery. I mean, seriously- what did I know
about raising a newborn??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since then I’ve
learned that what I knew is about on par with what most parents know
when they leave the hospital- nothing. But in that moment, I felt terrified- and
somehow, at the same time, very calm. The second I looked at him, I knew I was
totally in love with this little boy. He became my son in that moment- surely
I could just figure everything else out along the way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">To my amazement, the hospital staff didn’t stop us. We
walked out of there, baby in tow, and, four months later, the
little guy (who is not so little these days) is still living with me. He’s
grown and changed so much, and I like to think I’ve grown- in different ways-
right alongside him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">At this point, I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be a
little family- he’s supposed to return to his biological mom once she’s ready
to take him back. It could be days or weeks or months from now, but I’m trying
not to think too much about it so I can focus on just being grateful for the
time we do have together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’ve gained so much respect and appreciation for foster and
adoptive parents over the past several months. This work is so beautiful and
rewarding, but it is also very challenging- emotionally, mentally, and even
physically. (Hauling around an adorable, chunky baby is no joke- nor is waking
up for feedings throughout the night and trying to survive eight hours of work
the next day.) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a foster parent, you
open your heart up to so much love and joy, which inevitably leaves it open to a lot
of grief and pain. I cannot imagine my life without this little guy- but I
know I may have to accept it as reality before too long. If
there is a way to love this child completely while still protecting my heart
from the grief of losing him, I haven’t figured it out yet. But, despite the
uncertainty and heartache, I plan to continue fostering children- as so many
parents around the country do- because there is such a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>tremendous</u> </i>need, and I know this is one way I can do something
about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Segue into the purpose of this letter (obviously I’m amazing
at transitions): Every May, you have a wonderful Mother’s Day show where you
celebrate women doing something incredible- bringing a life into the world.
Your audience is filled with women who are proudly rocking their baby bumps;
it’s one of the best shows of the year. But over the past few months my eyes
have been opened to the many mothers out there whose stories aren’t always celebrated-
or even shared. From women who are led to foster care because they are
unable (or choose not) to have children biologically, to women who become
foster moms just so children can experience safety and love before finding
permanency with their biological or adoptive family- there are many mothers out
there who don’t necessarily bring lives into the world, but they certainly work
hard to make sure those lives thrive. Their stories are complex and
challenging, but they are also beautiful and very much worth telling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I think it would be amazing to host a Mother’s Day Show
celebrating these women. Not only
because they deserve it, but because it would inform millions of your viewers
about a really important issue. Did you know that <u>in the United States, </u><span arial="" color:="" mso-bidi-font-family:=""><u>397,122
children are living without permanent families in the foster care system?<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">101,666</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>of them are
eligible for adoption, but over 30% will wait more than three years in foster
care before finding a permanent home.</u>* There are so many things- big and small-
that your viewers can do about this, and they may not even be aware of them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could donate items to children in foster
care, they could volunteer with an organization that supports biological families
working toward reunification, they could register to provide respite care for
foster families, or they could become foster parents themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span arial="" color:="" mso-bidi-font-family:=""><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been amazed by
how little most people seem to know about the reality of fostering. Many people
tell me, “I could <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> do
that!” without having an accurate understanding of what it’s like. I’ve become
pretty passionate about changing people’s misconceptions by being honest about
my experience- both the joys and the challenges- in my conversations and
writing (I have a blog that I sometimes update when I’m not busy or exhausted
from caring for an infant). But I know your voice can carry a lot further than
mine. I also know you choose to use it to make a positive impact in the world-
it’s one of the many reasons I admire you. I know you can’t support every cause
people point you toward, but I at least wanted to ask you to support this one.
May is actually National Foster Care Awareness month, too, so it could be
perfect! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span arial="" color:="" mso-bidi-font-family:=""><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’m not sure if this will actually reach you, but, if it
does, I’d be so grateful if you’d even just consider this. Whether you think
about making a change to the Mother’s Day show (it might be too late for that; I
honestly have no clue how far in advance you prepare for each episode) or share
this information in some other way, I think it could make such a difference for
the kids across the country in need of safe homes and loving families.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Regardless of whether or not this letter changes anything, I
am thankful for all you do to make the world a better place. You bring so much
joy to so many people, which is why you always make my list when I answer the question:
“You’re hosting a dinner party; what five people- dead or alive- would you want
to have at your table?” There’d be so much good conversation and so many great
dance moves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Thank you for choosing to make a positive impact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">All the best,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Kaley<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">(ps- I realize it may seem a little self-serving to make
this suggestion given the fact that I am a foster mom myself, but I would be
totally fine if you did this and I didn’t go- there are plenty of other foster
moms out there who could fill an audience.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">(I mean, I wouldn’t complain if I was there, but I’d be
completely happy to see others there, too.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">*Source: The AFCARS Reports No. 20: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport20.pdf<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVT20FXOnTrQ4Uy7iLXYFl_t-q1yzh8HeUtmtdGBXEPuAUiw2aP9oy4lKiZSXeZe61qpVOMtP4Zq8A-I7HtjV420IWUJjhKt-uu_SFOMHT7bGu0xI4xPR_KQnaAKB86iCYyAc72J_anLjZ/s1600/leave-me-alone-to-die.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-29834828203422140652015-01-25T13:00:00.000-06:002015-01-25T13:00:01.319-06:00A Prayer for My Foster Son<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk1vI8s6mIvy28dB8itYrUKm4tVbFbWPaehXN0WLlD62fSYi0yjgMInEHzoAA08V0otQB_BQf73Jv7NRVg3zjb2Zd6OlhdCVEWhV8_QqhwZo4-QEHSzS1mORQbjR8pgHvjvId-_ouTkqmd/s1600/Prayer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk1vI8s6mIvy28dB8itYrUKm4tVbFbWPaehXN0WLlD62fSYi0yjgMInEHzoAA08V0otQB_BQf73Jv7NRVg3zjb2Zd6OlhdCVEWhV8_QqhwZo4-QEHSzS1mORQbjR8pgHvjvId-_ouTkqmd/s1600/Prayer.jpg" height="640" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This is probably my all-time favorite photo now, captured by the incredibly talented <a href="http://www.kristincrawfordphoto.com/" target="_blank">Kristin Crawford</a>.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">It seems my post about <a href="http://adventuresoftheordinarylife.blogspot.com/2014/09/welcoming-1.html?showComment=1412030476689#c1403222565063613152" target="_blank">welcoming Little Man</a> into
my life has spread much further than I ever imagined in the past few weeks,
which is so amazing and humbling. Knowing there are people out there who can
relate to this crazy and wonderful adventure- and others who are encouraged by
it- makes me unbelievably happy. So thank you for reading this thing, and thank
you for caring about Little Man, me, and our time together. It really means so
much to me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Yesterday Little Man turned 4 months old, which
amazes me. He’s grown up so much in the past few weeks! These days he is
laughing and “talking,” he loves taking baths and Sandra Boynton books, he watches everything intently
and seems to just take it all in, and he thinks I’m the funniest person in the
world. Seriously- it’s the best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI-wb_yaFcz-RZfCJ3-HY6LkJl50qwfrciOpQo6LZ1C9Na9_Ry_sMogzKgqO8_sCV6H5Nz-qCeJVcg4EsNqHmbnysi1Y_PqYKzdDkk8O9YwX8idm4vcUQv5APABzA-bpvzXNPSRpbXet8c/s1600/IMG_5166.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI-wb_yaFcz-RZfCJ3-HY6LkJl50qwfrciOpQo6LZ1C9Na9_Ry_sMogzKgqO8_sCV6H5Nz-qCeJVcg4EsNqHmbnysi1Y_PqYKzdDkk8O9YwX8idm4vcUQv5APABzA-bpvzXNPSRpbXet8c/s1600/IMG_5166.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">RG got to celebrate Little Man's 4-month birthday by napping with him in his room. He's been dying to do this since Little Man started sleeping in the nursery (normally he's forced to wait just outside the door), so it was a big day.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11pt;">I'm also amazed because I didn’t expect to
celebrate this milestone with him. When he first arrived, I wasn’t even sure
I’d celebrate Thanksgiving with him- and I definitely think we’d spend his
first Christmas together. We've had a lot more time together than I originally anticipated, and I am so, so grateful for that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">When people ask me now how much longer he’ll be
with me, the only answer I have (unfortunately), is “I have no idea.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Last week we reached a point where it could
technically be an “any day” kind of thing. We think it will be at least a few
more weeks, but- at this point- we really have no way of telling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Our situation is a bit unique for a variety of
reasons- and it’s hard for me to explain it fully while still protecting Little
Man and his biological mom’s privacy. But the basics are that Little Man was
placed in foster care voluntarily. Before he was born, his biological mom
signed him into care because she wasn’t able to care for him at that time.
We’ve been able to do a few visits with her- an experience I was hesitant to
share widely out of respect for her (and because I felt incapable of
articulating all the things I thought/felt). I’ve been trying to put some
of those thoughts and feelings into words, so there might be a post sometime
soon about it. But for now, I thought I’d share something I wrote a while back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">At the end of November, Little Man was dedicated
at my church. Dedication days happen pretty frequently because there is something
in the water and we have new babies born every week. It seems that way, at the
very least. On these days, families make a commitment to share Christ’s love
with their child, and the church community commits to support the family in
that endeavor. Parents have a chance to talk about their new baby; I always
love seeing the ways they light up as describe their child’s developing
personality. They also have a chance to pray for their child. I usually get
choked up during this particular moment because I get a small glimpse of those
parents’ hearts- I hear about their hopes and dreams for the little life
they’re holding, and I feel so grateful that such love exists in the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">When Little Man’s dedication day was approaching,
I realized I should probably start writing a prayer for him. (Recognizing this
as such a significant moment, I knew I’d have to prepare in advance so I could
get through it without crying/blabbering on too long/sounding awkward.) In the
weeks before, I tried- on a few occasions- to come up with the right words, but
I failed each time. Everything I thought and felt just seemed too enormous for
any of the words in my vocabulary. So, in an act of desperation, I turned to
Google. “Surely,” I thought, “there are some beautiful, traditional prayers
that might capture what’s in my heart. I mean, people have probably been praying
for children since children have been around- there has to be one out
there I can use!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Much to my surprised, however, Google failed me.
I’m assuming I just have lackluster Google skills, because my searches only
yielded prayers for children themselves to say, prayers that belong on the
front of an overly-religious baby shower card, and a few prayers for the fate
of all children in foster care. (I tried a few phrases for searching.) I’m sure
when they were written, all of these prayers were very heart-felt and sincere,
but I didn’t think any of them really fit this situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">The night before the dedication, I still had
nothing. I was thinking about just asking someone else to do it, but at the
same time felt like it had to come from me. So, once I’d gotten Little Man to
sleep, I sat down next to his bassinet and started writing. Maybe it was
because I was sipping on a glass of wine, but in that moment, I felt like the
right words were finally coming to me. I’m not sure they perfectly capture
everything I feel about Little Man and my time as his foster mom, but I think I
got as close as words could.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">I still come back to this prayer pretty
regularly, and I think I will continue to do so even after Little Man leaves.
If you feel so inclined, I’d love for you to join me in using it. (Although you
may have to adapt a line or two.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">And, who knows? Maybe one day someone will frantically search for a
prayer for her foster child, and Google will lead her here. I’d love for
these words to find meaning for other parents out there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">A Prayer for My Foster Son</span></u><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">God, thank you for Little Man. Thank you for his
life, and for the time you’ve allowed it to intersect with my own. I am
constantly amazed, humbled, and so grateful that you would choose me to care
for him- even for just a short time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I have so many hopes and dreams for Little Man,
Lord. I hope that you grant him strength, courage, wisdom and determination. I
hope you fill his heart with kindness, compassion and joy. I hope you give him
a love of learning and a great sense of humor, and that you surround him with
people who strengthen and encourage him- people who will point him toward you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">May you give him a desire for justice and fill him
with a sense of wonder. And- in all things- may he always see and feel hope.
But above all else, God, I pray that you will fill him with the knowledge that
he is incredibly loved. I don’t know what lies ahead for Little Man; I can’t
predict what joys and pains he will face in his life. But I know and trust that
you are with him, and that you love him far more than I can fathom. Please help
him to know and trust that, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">May he always know your love so he may always know
and love you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">As it has so frequently over the past two moths, my
prayer for Little Man echoes Paul’s from Ephesians:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may
strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,<b> </b>so
that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. And I pray that you, being
rooted and established in love,<b> </b>may have power, together with all
the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the
love of Christ,<b> </b>and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that
you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than
all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,<b> </b>to
him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for
ever and ever! Amen."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2741018068870574199.post-52425871778709355742015-01-08T21:02:00.000-06:002015-01-24T21:14:20.024-06:00Ten Tips for Flying Solo with a Baby<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_hNveXOnpLBqM0Tk9w_v1gCQmrZl-YAYMDO_wTzxfcNhGiPx0VrSofUgBVc4FPdsBsDEuV4C7gGRRKSTliVbR1gHHrpD3KCFeb6VpqGEFRVfzrshOpleRHk5zMy26uk0MNbJlTGrao_PH/s1600/Flying+Solo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_hNveXOnpLBqM0Tk9w_v1gCQmrZl-YAYMDO_wTzxfcNhGiPx0VrSofUgBVc4FPdsBsDEuV4C7gGRRKSTliVbR1gHHrpD3KCFeb6VpqGEFRVfzrshOpleRHk5zMy26uk0MNbJlTGrao_PH/s1600/Flying+Solo.jpg" height="506" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">FYI- This isn't Little Man. He is much cuter.<br />
I said it, and I meant it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Well, Little Man and I made it back to Texas! And- all
things considered- the return trip went pretty smoothly! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGzivzwV3F7hIXSBKtoQZ_YSRfyVDxgAudMlVJKhsSdpf9PCr8QWkEDaT1ThlbpJFiaZeU1peUgweV-z3L-8ZNqu-Z0NI2XLcWfvvK9m4coWoLHy8fj_0t2ZF_R8nnlpG7ln3YJDilOGs-/s1600/Hallelujha.gif" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGzivzwV3F7hIXSBKtoQZ_YSRfyVDxgAudMlVJKhsSdpf9PCr8QWkEDaT1ThlbpJFiaZeU1peUgweV-z3L-8ZNqu-Z0NI2XLcWfvvK9m4coWoLHy8fj_0t2ZF_R8nnlpG7ln3YJDilOGs-/s1600/Hallelujha.gif" height="261" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He got a little fussy as
we were landing in Waco, but I would much rather cope with fussiness at the
very end of a long trip than the very beginning.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Times a million.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point, I feel like I’ve gained some level of
expertise on flying solo with an infant (I mean, I’ve done it successfully
twice!), so I’ve decided to share my top 10 tips for anyone else who takes on
this challenge.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u><b>When scheduling flights, choose them based on
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i> needs</b></u>. Some of the advice I
read prior to traveling with Little Man said to “time your flight to your
baby’s schedule.” That, in my humble opinion, is terrible advice. In my
experience, baby’s schedule goes out the window when it collides with chaotic
airports, noisy planes, and awful air pressure changes. Those things stress me
out, so I can’t imagine how overwhelming it would be if you have less than 3
months of life under your belt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
When I booked our flight to NYC, I
decided to fly out at 10AM- a time I thought would line up perfectly with his
eating and napping patterns. And it probably would have- if we left that day. But,
as tends to happen with infants, his schedule shifted over the next few weeks.
That morning I was nervous about the fact that his schedule was now completely
incompatible with our travel plans, but- in spite of his normal scheduling-
Little Man still slept through most of the day. And I had (some) energy because
I’d had time to get him up and fed, do last-minute packing/cleaning, and rest
for a little bit for spending the next 8 hours traveling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
On the other hand, our first
flight together in October left at 6AM (it was booked before I knew he’d be my
travel buddy- or that he existed). This technically worked with his schedule
since newborns nap 90% of the time, but I wound up being completely exhausted-
despite his excellent traveling. (It’s hard to nap when you’re holding an
infant in your lap and can only recline a few degrees backward, which becomes
problematic when you’re running on 3 hours of sleep and have things to do when
you land.)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSGAVvfqTeu62U3wEq0368qiAnPUXbX0W7Kul_TIFzZNzrjGtW_QHXRm_WdSjz3cWILexJtjcKK5avDzHbpBq5m8K7cF8S00aCS8JaBf1XD8SrwohvxmRs5gZOh22P-nzYw3mNRcRwurNE/s1600/Tired.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSGAVvfqTeu62U3wEq0368qiAnPUXbX0W7Kul_TIFzZNzrjGtW_QHXRm_WdSjz3cWILexJtjcKK5avDzHbpBq5m8K7cF8S00aCS8JaBf1XD8SrwohvxmRs5gZOh22P-nzYw3mNRcRwurNE/s1600/Tired.png" height="400" width="372" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
All that to say, do what works for
you. If it’s easy for you to hop out of bed hours before you see the sun, take
that early morning flight! If you need a little down time to energize yourself
for a big day, pick a later time. Whatever! Time it to your scheduling needs rather
than your baby’s, because his will probably change- before and during travel
day- and you have to have the energy and capacity to adjust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><u>Splurge on pre-made bottles</u>.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtNujR5gnfR0zUQzXYWEaY011AvtlZJ9DbdKxGWzZYuK4DMpmr52_XGhxhVF9-umHfcrNDiOtqdKPJqzHEZImn8SnCZZ9dwDMZupljuGCX5w_KYYB9ix6yxJ6JCQb3NtlaPh4dyWut8K7A/s1600/Bottle.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtNujR5gnfR0zUQzXYWEaY011AvtlZJ9DbdKxGWzZYuK4DMpmr52_XGhxhVF9-umHfcrNDiOtqdKPJqzHEZImn8SnCZZ9dwDMZupljuGCX5w_KYYB9ix6yxJ6JCQb3NtlaPh4dyWut8K7A/s1600/Bottle.jpeg" height="400" width="166" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
During our first trip, I just
packed our bottles- which I filled with water so I could quickly mix in the
formula when he needed to eat. Genius, right? Wrong. It took me all of 2
seconds to discover that mixing up a bottle when you’re crammed into a tiny
airplane seat, holding a screaming baby, and feeling as if every other
passenger is staring you down to telepathically communicate just how much they
hate you is fairly difficult. I’d give it about an <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>8 on a 10 point scale.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Rather than enduring that
pressure, you can opt to purchase bottles that just require you to open them
and screw on a top. Even that can be challenging in the previously mentioned
scenario, but it’s so much faster. And it prevents you from spilling powdered
formula all over yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
For day to day life, buying those
bottles is crazy town. You’d spend a fortune on them. But one pack was just
enough to last through travel to and from NYC. I’m not sure I’ve ever spent $12
so wisely.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><u>Bring a stroller and a wearable baby carrier</u>.</b> </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMjvriTsCkgDUuRX2UVw2OvIe1Lul0Qp_JVOAAqAs7lOr7nKYXR5i4zs31BVWHWit4CBbQg58d0gtbaESSd0Jb6qkTHYuPK8uNd5-JUl05OBLtT_xOkdyopfdh0QBY7pxdfDMqj271NzFy/s1600/stroller.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-indent: 0px;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMjvriTsCkgDUuRX2UVw2OvIe1Lul0Qp_JVOAAqAs7lOr7nKYXR5i4zs31BVWHWit4CBbQg58d0gtbaESSd0Jb6qkTHYuPK8uNd5-JUl05OBLtT_xOkdyopfdh0QBY7pxdfDMqj271NzFy/s1600/stroller.gif" height="356" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
Sure, the stroller will be a bit of a pain when you’re trying to fold it up at
the end of the bridge while passengers rush by you to get the best seats on the
plane (that’s not a thing on most flights, by the way, folks- pushing your way
past me just buys you more time stuck in your tiny airplane seat. Do people not
realize that?), but it will definitely come in handy when you’re traveling
through the airport. ESPECIALLY if you have a wearable baby carrier. These, in
my opinion, are necessities for air travel with infants. They leave your
stroller open to carry heavy carry-ons, which is helpful when you’re sprinting
to catch a flight. They shield your babies from everyone who wants to stare at
and touch them. They make napping mid-flight sort of almost possible. And they
give you a way to use the restroom on the plane without asking a stranger to
hold your child. Thank you, God, for the Baby Bjorn/Moby Wrap. (I used the Moby
Wrap on the flight to Oregon- a lot of people didn’t even notice I had a baby
with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Success!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; line-height: normal;"><b>
</b></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><u>Consolidate the things you pack in carry-ons</u>.
</b>On the way to NY, I thought I was being super smart by just carrying my small
purse and the diaper bag. But then I also had to carry my coat, scarf, and
Little Man’s blanket. And I wound up trying to stuff all of these things under
the seat, because I knew I needed things from the diaper bag and didn’t want to
be that person who puts smaller, loose items in the overhead bins. Sorry,
neighbors sharing my foot space.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
My first morning in NYC, I went
out and bought a cheap, giant purse for the trip back to Texas. This allowed me
to pack baby necessities (diapers, wipes, bottles, a rattle, and a pacifier) in
the purse along with small things I’d need over the next few hours. Extra items
(change of clothes, computer, bag of small liquids, etc) were stuffed into the
diaper bag, which was then securely stowed in the overhead bin above me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
If you are an exceptional packer
and can fit all of your stuff in your diaper bag, this may be a moot point. But
trust me when I say an overstuffed bag that makes it difficult to find and
replace items is far worse than two organized bags.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><u>Buy things there</u>.</b> If you’ll be gone for
more than 12 hours, only pack the number of diapers you’ll need for your
flight(s). Then, when you arrive, buy a pack there. You’ll probably use them
all, and it will save you valuable suitcase space. Same goes for formula, and
any other disposable items you will use quickly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u><b>Get creative</b></u> with the non-disposable
items you can’t pack and can’t buy there. Depending on where you are, you might
be able to rent things like a crib. Fortunately for me, family friends lent us
their old baby items in NYC. But in Oregon, I spent one night at a friend’s
before checking into a hotel. With no crib in sight, I made do with a laundry
basket. Before you judge me for that, note that it was a large basket with more
than enough space for a 2-week-old. And I cleaned it out first. And I obviously
lined it with a blanket. Essentially, it was exactly the same as one these
portable sleepers that people pay money for:</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAXx8vN93UZYlChhaBZVwz4Z8v5L2nQfEETR0EB4nGPpOsHvuba8p-ZrihIt15CfFCSU7tXTjVss-fvScMSrp4sjt7B8GcKyFKmzpXVwwNCORat487uJfFkfEYdawHbzvKfYhVOLXuKh_F/s1600/Side+sleeper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAXx8vN93UZYlChhaBZVwz4Z8v5L2nQfEETR0EB4nGPpOsHvuba8p-ZrihIt15CfFCSU7tXTjVss-fvScMSrp4sjt7B8GcKyFKmzpXVwwNCORat487uJfFkfEYdawHbzvKfYhVOLXuKh_F/s1600/Side+sleeper.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This costs $50. But it can double as a laundry basket when your baby outgrows it in a month.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Creativity will save you money and
space in your suitcase. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u>Learn to love longer layovers</u>. Before travelling
with a baby, I thought long layovers were for chumps. My goal was to get the
shortest possible layover- because who likes to hang out in an airport? This
will not fly with a baby in tow. One- it takes longer to leave the first plane because
you have to wait for your stroller to be brought to the bridge. Two- The
chances of baby needing a diaper change and maybe even a bottle between flights
are high, and you don’t want to/can’t rush that. Three- you just have a lot
more stuff to haul around. And another person. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
If you don’t give yourself some
solid time between flights, you may wind up trying to rush your baby through a
bottle from a bench by a toilet in a family-style bathroom, and then- when he
doesn’t finish it quickly enough- trying to push a luggage-laden stroller with
your right arm and carry a baby in your left while holding a bottle under your
chin so you can make it to your next flight on time. This makes you look like a
crazy person. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
At least that’s what I gathered from the people staring at me throughout gate C.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhf0SyPLfh7aWL29rp_oQP8ygNWnFb3eZWLjduJ3PCid5erWHUDFt-9V1THIAeNIzdS2MZWo5FAr2sVjUDJdG_ZwkFvuRzOkkgrFwfhPA2ngIxoP0wv_OMtmKM3wd4tnAUqKycalTVyjZV/s1600/running.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhf0SyPLfh7aWL29rp_oQP8ygNWnFb3eZWLjduJ3PCid5erWHUDFt-9V1THIAeNIzdS2MZWo5FAr2sVjUDJdG_ZwkFvuRzOkkgrFwfhPA2ngIxoP0wv_OMtmKM3wd4tnAUqKycalTVyjZV/s1600/running.gif" height="215" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Full disclosure: I did not look this cute as I ran to the Skylink.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
In other words: take your time.
You’ll need it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><u>Bring a change of clothes… For everyone</u>.
</b>When I flew to Oregon, I had about two and a half weeks of experience as a mom
(a few days of prep, two weeks in action). Obviously I was super prepared.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
In my naiveté, I thought I was incredibly
smart to have not just one, but TWO extra baby outfits tucked away in my diaper
bag. I was ready to write a parenting book with all of my wisdom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Then, the unthinkable happened. I
got up halfway through the DFW-Portland flight to do a routine diaper change,
and what I found was horrifying. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Little Man’s day of constipation had ended
with a mess that could not be bound by the parameters of a mere diaper. Nor
could it be held by his onesie. Nor could his pants contain it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFb697Jc6VOG4uVdrgcT7ast4PdT73xX2S6CacYm2L_ITf_OB6RHLtuamXRTZMW3fM9pHDMZb1BjjeKJ2FBmvIz9xkU-jQkiGJyoZUV4ZLagzvcQ97J5xO5w96JoBKTiO02wYLJ5fDuZcV/s1600/Colbert+surprised.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFb697Jc6VOG4uVdrgcT7ast4PdT73xX2S6CacYm2L_ITf_OB6RHLtuamXRTZMW3fM9pHDMZb1BjjeKJ2FBmvIz9xkU-jQkiGJyoZUV4ZLagzvcQ97J5xO5w96JoBKTiO02wYLJ5fDuZcV/s1600/Colbert+surprised.gif" height="299" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
By the grace of
God, it was finally stopped by the 4<sup>th</sup> barrier- the Moby Wrap he was
sleeping in. I truly believe it was a miracle that I was not covered in poop before,
in the process of, or after removing that thing from my body.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
As one does through surviving such
a frightening experience, I learned a valuable lesson that day. Always bring an
extra outfit- or at least a shirt- for yourself, too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
(Another tip- scarves work really well
for cleaning and covering spit-up.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><u>Don’t be afraid to cry</u>.</b> With the stress of
our flight to DFW the other week and the chaos of trying to make it to the
second flight (refer to the story in number 7), I was on edge by the time I
reached our second gate. Probably anything could have made me cry in those
moments, but what eventually did was the DFW employee who, when checking
tickets, told me having an infant did not give me the privilege of boarding
early. Oh, and that I had to fold up the stroller and car seat before entering
the bridge- carrying them (rather than rolling them) all the way down to the
plane. You know- along with the giant diaper bag, purse, coat, scarf, blanket,
and- oh yeah- the baby strapped to my chest. Nbd.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I stared at him for a minute,
trying to make sense of what he was saying to me. By the time I stepped back
out of the line, the floodgates had opened. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKZuVx8A8BFU8xmB1l_NfL_21XnMi36n4EhaKrFYt-0xG0KZJ0HoKquTUBbSxnwev62vrAWEpd6oTQavaw7pJA-0YwWZvlSxGK1qUiNncNgXsv3dpl4lk60oNPN_arILVEV1__ZjUDNE71/s1600/cry.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKZuVx8A8BFU8xmB1l_NfL_21XnMi36n4EhaKrFYt-0xG0KZJ0HoKquTUBbSxnwev62vrAWEpd6oTQavaw7pJA-0YwWZvlSxGK1qUiNncNgXsv3dpl4lk60oNPN_arILVEV1__ZjUDNE71/s1600/cry.gif" height="205" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
The man at the gate’s desk looked
over at me, and I think I sputtered something along the lines of, “How am I
supposed to carry it?” through my tears. Bless that man, he took pity on me- or
just felt stressed at the sight of a lady with a baby crying. Either way, he
rushed over and, asked me what was wrong, and told me he would fold up the
stroller and carry it to the plane himself. Then he told the ticket taker to
let me through.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Take that, DFW employee I’ll probably
never see again! (Although, to be fair to him, I think his request came more
from being oblivious than just being mean.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Was it embarrassing to cry in
front of a bunch of strangers and walk- red-eyed and sniffling- all the way
through the crowded plane? Definitely. Did the people on that plane think I was
a train wreck? Probably. Would I do it again? Without a doubt. I was certainly
not intending to use those tears to get my way- they were genuinely coming from
a place of overwhelming stress and an extreme need for (at least one) glass of
wine. But was I relieved I didn’t have to singlehandedly carry everything to
the plane? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihg-jeCqkIOOoxGkfJwqB9V2TCPTVD48o9BlNa_MVEruYo42bJQG5Q9VOarSlzMSUKI2JXqOMSVDrvxqSJ5Cj1_IJn0PDOKn-N6RSZw8iEYApbqw4XgHQ8pASv-8autEE8PGjy-KJsmtY1/s1600/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihg-jeCqkIOOoxGkfJwqB9V2TCPTVD48o9BlNa_MVEruYo42bJQG5Q9VOarSlzMSUKI2JXqOMSVDrvxqSJ5Cj1_IJn0PDOKn-N6RSZw8iEYApbqw4XgHQ8pASv-8autEE8PGjy-KJsmtY1/s1600/giphy.gif" height="326" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
So don’t be afraid to bust out those tears- they may
stress people out enough to help you!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u><b>Accept
help when it is offered</b></u>. Someone wants to help you put your carry-on in the
overhead bin? Let them. Someone else wants to buy you lunch? “Yes, please,
thank you.” Another person wants to help you pull your suitcase from the
carousel? Be my guest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Initially, I struggled with this.
And, to be honest, sometimes I still do. I have this terrible fear that someone
will eventually notice that I am not managing everything in my life right now
with the perfect grace and poise of Taylor Swift. I’m much more Jennifer
Lawrence-esque- fumbling and tripping up life’s staircase. But, for some
reason, I sometimes want people to see me as more the Taylor Swift-type. Why,
Kaley?? People love Jennifer Lawrence! She’s so relatable! She has an Oscar for
Pete’s sake! (Is this metaphor working?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Where does this need look like I
have it all together all the time come from?? I think there’s a (totally
irrational) part of me that equates needing help to failure, and- clearly- I
don’t want to look like I’m failing at being a foster mom. Because I’m not. I’m
kicking ass at it- even if my house isn’t spotless and I’m constantly covered
in spit-up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
I’m learning to embrace the fact
that I can’t do every single thing perfectly all the time. It’s hard sometimes.
But it gives me the chance to accept help grace from others, which is generally
pretty worth it. It gives me perspective and connection- and sometimes gets me
out of lifting heavy things on my own. I won’t complain about that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
If you are traveling alone with an
infant, you are already crushing it- just by your bravery! Accepting help
doesn’t lessen that- it just helps you to do an even better job. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, those are my top tips flying solo with a
baby. Have you ever done it? If so, what are your tips? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Come to think of it, what are any of your tips for making
life with a baby easier? I’m still new to this game- I could use some creative
life hacks!<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425745378209229136noreply@blogger.com0